'No, no, I want to talk to you.' Her hand rose to her forehead and she touched it gingerly. 'I want to tell you what happened… with Mom.'
'You should go.' Jack was burning to hear what had happened, but he couldn't torture his own child, twist the vise around her head himself. 'Please, we'll talk another time. Go home. God knows, I'm not going anywhere.'
'No, no… I feel able… to talk.' Paige rubbed her forehead. 'It was just me and Mom… I came home to dinner… I don't know… where to start.'
'You went over to dinner/ Jack supplied, to help her. 'I was supposed to meet you there but I was late. I am so sorry.'
'It's not your fault.' Tears returned to her eyes but she brushed them away with the back of her hand. 'I was early. It wasn't going to go well, I knew. So… I went home and she was there. I was… going to wait for you, to tell her, but… she started in. That I was… gaining weight.' Paige's tears halted and her voice turned bitter. 'I was looking fat. I was… retaining water. Oh, my God, my head.' Paige kneaded her brow. 'Shit.'
'You should go. Please go.'
'No.' Paige waved him off, her hand shaking. 'She started in… on how I couldn't gain weight. How I had to… control myself. How I had to watch what I ate… now that my big chance… was coming up.'
Jack winced. As Paige had grown older. Honor and nagged Paige more about her weight. He had argued that it would drive Paige to anorexia or worse, but neither heeded him. It was always as if he were speaking offstage in a drama played out between mother and daughter. 'So you and your mom started fighting, right from the beginning.'
'Yes. It got me so… upset. It was like… I knew why I was gaining… and she didn't know. And then… I felt like who was she to tell me, I'm emancipated and I am not a child, and now… I was… having a child.'
Jack felt queasy at the words. Paige had told him on the phone, but hearing it said out loud made it undeniable. His child was having a child. Their child was having a child. It was bad news for any parents, but worse for Jack and Honor, given their history. He could only imagine how Honor would have taken the news.
'Oh, no. This is going to be a bad one.' Paige's forehead buckled in pain and her hand covered it futilely. 'Listen… I was thinking… now she can't tell me anything… because I'm going to be a mother. Not just her. Me. All of a sudden… I was happy about it. Really happy… and I wanted to tell her. So it just… came out.'
Jack visualized the scene. Paige happy about delivering news that was Honor's worst nightmare.
'I said, "I'm pregnant, Mom… that's why I'm so hungry. So I have to eat and… there's nothing anybody can do about it. Because I'm going to… have a baby."'Paige stopped suddenly. That's the beginning of the migraine. It's… coming. I'll tell it… fast. I looked at her expression… and I couldn't believe it. Her eyes… they were so big… and angry. She looked like… a witch.'
Jack couldn't even guess at the look.
Then… she hit me.' Fresh tears came to Paige's eyes and her face flushed with emotion. 'She hit me… right on the face. Like a really hard slap… she called me things but she never… hit me before. Ever. She hit me so hard… I fell off the chair. She knocked me right off the chair… onto the floor. I couldn't believe… it.'
But Jack could. Though Honor wasn't a violent woman, this news would move her to it. This news would unhinge her, undo all of them. He wanted to tell Paige the truth right then, had the impulse to explain, but fought it. This wasn't the place or the time. She had only a few minutes before the migraine hit full force. She'd become incapable even of speech.
'I got up from the floor… my face was hurting, and I started to cry. Then she grabbed me and… threw me down again… and started kicking me. Kicking me… Dad… over and over. Like in my stomach.' Paige's sobbing started again, and Jack's gut twisted. 'She had on her mules… with the pointy toes, and she was, like… aiming for my stomach, Dad. Really hard… with the toe. For the… baby. Like she was trying to… kick it out of me.'
No. Jack just kept shaking his head. No. He didn't know if he had even said it aloud.
'She started yelling… "You kill it or I'll kill it!"… "You kill it or I'll kill it!" Dad… my head. I can't… I really can't -' Paige covered her face and doubled over, falling forward on the counter and collapsing into tears. 'I don't know what… happened next. I just don't, Dad… I swear.' Paige was crying full bore, but trying to talk. 'I started to hurt… all over, from my belly… and my chest… I started to hurt, so much… I rolled away from her. I said… I wasn't getting an abortion. But she kept… coming at me… kicking.'
No. He didn't want to hear any more. He didn't want to put Paige through any more.
'I was so scared… and hurt so much… I couldn't even see. I mean, I didn't think she'd kill me, I only know I got so angry, for me, for my baby, it was like… I was angry for so long, my whole life. Then, I think… I got up… and grabbed the knife. I remember… I grabbed the knife.' Paige looked up, tears streaming down a face contorted with pain. 'I can't… think.'
Jack blinked away his own tears. It was his fault. He hadn't been there. Not only tonight, but for all of her childhood. He hadn't known how bad it had been, but
that was no excuse. He should have known; it was his job to know. He had deserted his own daughter and when he had finally realized it, he was too late. Guilt engulfed him, drowning him like a wave.
'I went kind of… crazy. I was yelling and crying… it was like everything came back at me… I mean… I knew I was mad at her… but I guess I just got out of control… and I stabbed her and when I was done, she was… she was' – Paige's expression was a frieze of agony – 'she was lying there… on the floor. I dropped the… knife. It was all… bloody. I didn't mean… I just left her there… and ran out. I just ran… I'm sorry, Dad. I'm so sorry.' Paige's words dissolved into tears, and her shoulders collapsed as easily as a dollhouse.
Jack couldn't help but raise his hands, even handcuffed, to the plastic barrier between them, touching it with his fingertips. It was cold, hard, and lifeless, so unlike the warm, silky hair of his little girl. How often had he touched Paige's head? Not often enough. Now he had to save her. 'Paige,' he said, 'what did you tell the lawyers?'
'I said… I wasn't there.' Paige was sobbing hard. That… I didn't go over.'
'Okay, so you were never there tonight. You never went over. Stick with that story, understand?'
'It's… a lie. God, my head. The… lights.'
'I know it's a lie. I don't care.' Jack lowered his hands and leaned forward urgently. 'Never, Paige. Never breathe a word. If you do, you and your baby are lost.'
'My baby?' Paige looked at him through her tears. Her eyes were red and swollen. Her skin was a mass of hives. 'What about my baby?'
Think about the baby, Paige. We didn't even get to talk about the baby. What are you planning to do?'
'I don't know, for sure.' Paige's weeping stilled. 'Get married. Trevor wants to.'
Jack cringed inwardly. 'What about college? You told me you'd set aside modeling for college.'
'I'll go later, after the baby.'
Jack bit his tongue. 'Okay, let's assume for the moment that's the right decision. If you come forward and tell the police what happened, who will raise the baby? Trevor? Of course not. You have to think of your baby, not me. Please don't interfere with me. If the police question you, say you weren't at the house. Say you were surprised by what I did. Don't go to my arraignment or any other court proceeding. Let me do what I have to do.'
'I can't.'
'Put your hand on your tummy, right now. Do it, Paige.' Jack's tone was so commanding he sounded strange even to himself. Something was happening to him. He felt like he was coming into his own. Maybe even redeeming himself, 'Put your hand on your tummy.'