I sit up, roll on a condom, and kneel between her legs. She wraps them around my waist, welcoming me. I slide in and her mouth opens in a soft moan, almost a hum of satisfaction. I'm suddenly very aware how big I am, and how small she looks under me. I'm almost a foot taller than her. She's so finely made, like a work of art. I know she's far from fragile. But though she's a spitfire sometimes, she's still soft and quiet deep down, and it shows when she's truly happy.
I draw my hips back and push in again, savoring the sight of that happiness spreading over her face. I vowed a long time ago that I would always protect Gracie. Make sure that life never hardened her all the way.
The very first children's book I'd left under her pillow was a fiftieth-anniversary edition of Ferdinand the Bull. When its stark red-and-black cover had caught my eye at the bookstore, I remembered the story I'd read in elementary school, which in turn reminded me of Gracie. Peaceful resistance—being true to herself, never getting mean or sour, but also never changing just for other people's sake. Even if that meant she felt out of place.
That afternoon, she ran down the stairs, her eyes lit up and cheeks glowing. Her family was getting ready to leave the house, their mom taking Hayden to some sports ceremony and their dad taking Beth to choir practice, leaving Gracie home alone again—I think she hated being alone, and she was left often. That’s what drove me to do something special in the first place, something just for her. Anyway, she walked straight over to me and wrapped her fingers around my thumb, squeezing a gentle thank you.
Our careful dance continued from that moment on. Every few times I came over, she'd walk through the kitchen and briefly grab my thumb as she passed by, our hands concealed by the counter. It was innocent, but we both knew it was still borderline inappropriate. Hayden wouldn’t have liked it. So, without ever explicitly agreeing on secrecy, we did it where no one could see. Our own little moment, stolen here and there.
Well, Hayden sure as fuck wouldn't like this moment either. Me, rocking in and out of Gracie, spurring her cries of ecstasy louder and louder, feeling her body grasp me like she never wants to let go. Me, his best friend, slowly but surely...
Falling in love with his precious baby sister.
Her sapphire eyes blink up at mine, and worried she’s going to see too much, I break our connection. “Turn over. On your hands and knees,” I growl.
Chapter Nine
Gracie
“Right there, right there, don’t stop,” I pant, rocking back into his thrusts. Hudson moves with the surety of a man who knows exactly how to please a woman. I feel his thumb skim across my back opening and he growls out a curse.
Tonight we’ve gotten more inventive with new positions and I’m amazed at how different it can feel—so, so deep when I rode him, and now with him behind me again, I feel incredibly full.
Hudson’s fingers dig into my hips as he pulls me back on his cock. I can feel him thicken inside me and I know he’s close. It only fuels my own desire for release. I want to be right there with him.
I reach between my legs and begin to rub my clit, very much wanting to join him in the fun. He pushes my hand away and begins using his own to massage me in tight circles. “That’s my job,” he whispers, leaning forward to plant a kiss between my shoulder blades. “You just concentrate on coming, baby.”
It’s so incredibly sexy how completely he takes ownership of my body. With that thought, I begin rocking back against him faster. His fingers are still moving over my clit, but his other hand is planted on the bed beside mine. I reach over, wrap my fingers around his large thumb and squeeze. Our secret language from so long ago that I’m sure he’s forgotten by now. But it soothes me, helps feed the craving in my heart. Makes me feel even more connected to him.
“Baby, you look so sexy riding my dick like this.” His voice is strained, and I let go, bucking wildly into his hips and coming harder than I ever have in my life.
“Fuuuuck,” Hudson growls behind me, pumping into me in deep, uneven thrusts as he comes right along with me.
All of my muscles are trembling as he carefully lifts me up, pulling me close to his chest. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t support my body weight right now; I’m thankful to be folded into his strong arms.
As fantastic as the sex is between us, I think the after-part is my favorite. This cozy peace. When he holds me tight and our hearts gallop together until finally our breathing slows. Sometimes we make small conversation, and sometimes we’re just quiet—in the moment together.
But tonight, as I lay here in his arms, a sinking feeling grows in the pit of my stomach.
I feel a lot more for him than I should, and now this is it. The end of the road for us. What was I thinking? Despite Melanie's warning, despite my own constant scolding, I hadn’t been protecting my heart. I only meant to give him my body, but somehow, he took all of me. And I don't know what I could have done to stop it.
Blinking back tears, I climb out of his bed and pad barefoot into the bathroom.
After splashing cool water onto my cheeks, I look up at my reflection. The apples of my cheeks are flushed and my hair’s a disaster. I look like I’ve been thoroughly fucked. And that’s exactly it. I’m fucked. I’m falling in love with a man I can never have. A single tear slips from my eye and rolls slowly down my cheek as I stare in the mirror, like I'm watching someone else's heart break.
“Gracie?” Hudson calls from outside the door.
“Just a minute,” I say, relieved that my voice sounds calm. Wiping away the tears, I gulp down a deep lungful of air and unlock the door.
As I stride past him, he chuckles and grabs me around the waist. “Where do you think you’re going?”
I stop and spin to face him. He must see something in my expression, because all the humor in his face fades. “What’s wrong?”
My lower lip trembles. “Nothing. I need to go home, that’s all. I mean, we’re done, right? Three times. You took my virginity.”
A crease appears between his brows. “Hey, I didn’t take anything. We shared this. And it was fantastic.” He places his hands on my shoulders and gives them a squeeze. His pep talk reminds me of a coach preparing a down-and-out player to return to the big game. But this was never a game to me, and I can never go back. Not to his bed, not to the warm safety of his arms. I feel shattered and hollow. And so incredibly alone.
“Right. And now we’re done.” My voice is cold and emotionless. But it needs to be. I hadn’t been protecting myself before, but that changes starting now.
“Are you okay?” he asks, his tone softening as he watches me.
This whole situation is made all the more awkward by the fact that we’re both still naked. His soft cock hanging between us is a sad reminder that everything’s over now.
“I’m fine,” I say, crossing the room and stepping into my underwear as a stray tear escapes. Damn it. Trying not to let him see, I wipe it away with the back of my hand.
“You’re not fine.” He takes my hand and leads me back to his bed, which looks like a bomb went off in it. The blankets are scattered everywhere and the sheets are tangled. The pillows got kicked to the floor over an hour ago. We sit down on the end of the bed and I stare down at the floor between my feet. “Please tell me what you’re thinking,” he presses gently. “Do you regret this?”
I want to tell him no, but the truth is, part of me does. If I knew how absolutely miserable I’d feel after it ended, I don’t know if I would have agreed to this. When I registered on those dating sites, it wasn’t just to lose my virginity; it was to find someone I could date, maybe even see a future with. But Hudson isn’t that person. I should have kept that in mind from the beginning. “I’m not sure,” I start. “I mean, for you to be my first … it’s what I’d always wanted. But now that it’s over, it just kind of … sucks.”