These were torturous days; the sun ever present in the sky, almost as if to mock me and not even allow me a moment of darkness so that I could attempt to sleep and escape the thoughts that were nagging at me. The journey had taken longer than I had expected, especially now with my enemy aboard this icebound ship, and I hadn’t brought enough food for my team of dogs. I tried setting them free, hoping that they could find something to hunt in this wilderness, but they were too exhausted from my pushing them these many days and I had to watch as they withered and died around me, adding more blood to my hands.
I do not know how many days I kept vigil on this ship, for it was impossible to tell with the sun always in the sky, but I knew it was many, possibly several months. At one point the sea ice broke up enough to open a passage of escape for this ship, but it stubbornly remained where it was. It was perhaps two days after this had happened that I felt a shift inside of me and I knew that my enemy was dead. I had no choice now; I had to steal aboard this ship so that I could bear witness to his lifeless form. I did this carefully, and was undetected as I snuck aboard and crept below to the captain’s quarters, where somehow I knew Frankenstein lay.
He was dead, as I had known he was. As I looked upon his corpse all I felt was hollow inside, for I had achieved little with my vengeance other than allowing it to consume me and twist me into something as malignant as my enemy. I remembered Brother Theodore’s words when I had left his monastery; how he was afraid that my thirst for vengeance would lead to my ruin. He was right. Now that my enemy was dead I could see clearly what I had done. With my murder of an innocent woman I had doomed myself and had lost Johanna forever. I understood also why I had approached Frankenstein a week before his wedding. It wasn’t to taunt him. At a subconscious level I must have been hoping that he would act on one of the suggestions I made; I must have known that otherwise I would ruin myself. He was an evil man and he deserved his death, but not by my hands and not at my ultimate cost.
It was as I was staring at Frankenstein when the door to the cabin opened and the man who must have been the captain of the ship entered. I forced myself to look away from my enemy so I could meet this man’s eyes. In all of my contempt and hatred for what I had allowed myself to lose for this villain’s death, I forced out in a harsh whisper, “This is my victim. In his murder my crimes are now consummated.”
The look this captain gave me was one of utter revulsion. I could only imagine then the lies that Frankenstein had told this man during his months aboard his ship. With my voice strangled I said that I would leave him alone with this most worthy creature, and with that I escaped through the cabin window, landing on an ice floe that took me swiftly away from the boat.
CHAPTER
31
The ice floe carried me for many miles. I thought that I would perish aboard it, and looked forward to that fate, but eventually it brought me to a barren landscape of ice and snow. I traveled south for many days and did not die as I expected and hoped for. Instead I reached a remote village, where I was able to trade the last of my gold for supplies, animal hides, and tools. I did not bother with acquiring another sled and dog team, for where I was going I wished to be alone without even the company of animals. I loaded all of my purchases on my back and trekked until I found an isolated area by a lake, and there I set about bringing down trees and building myself a small cabin. Once this was built I decided this would be where I would wait out my final days far away from other men. The lake had fish I could catch, and there were berries and nuts and mushrooms in the woods nearby to further sustain me.
I had not slept for months, at least not more than a few minutes at a time when I would drift into unconsciousness while I kept my vigil over that ship, and even before then, I had slept little while burning for my vengeance over Frankenstein. That first night after I finished constructing my cabin I slept fully and deeply, and had no dreams.
As the days passed, whether I slept or not I would spend the nights laying on my bed of animal hides, and as dawn approached I would leave my cabin and perform my daily chores, which amounted to gathering firewood and nourishment, although some days I would take on projects, such as constructing crude furnishings for my cabin. Once my chores were completed I would sit by the lake and pray for forgiveness for the murder I had committed and for my betrayal of Johanna.
Years passed as I lived this way and waited for death, but death’s release seemed to escape me. I did not age, nor did I get sick. During this time I was not once able to dream of Johanna. While my dreams were generally serene, I prayed that she would visit me once more, but this never happened. When I would remember that one dream I had had of her when I was held within Frankenstein’s castle, I would remember how she told me that she was afraid that she would lose me, and tears would come to my eyes. Not over my own loss, but of how I had abandoned her.
I do not know how many years had passed when my peace was invaded by a foreign and unpleasant noise that made me think of how rampaging elephants might sound. I sought out the source of this noise, moving swiftly from my cabin and through the woods nearby. The scene that I came across sickened me. Dozens of women and children stood huddled with a few old men among them. They were close to what I knew were vehicles, except they were too large and had no horses to pull them. I would later learn they were motorized transport machines and were the source of the noise that had disturbed me. What sickened me was the sight of the soldiers. Their uniforms had a special malignancy about them, and they were setting up what I knew were weapons, although they were of a sort that I would never have imagined. They were there to slaughter defenseless victims. Women and children and old men! When I heard them speaking my native German I was outraged! Was this what my fellow countrymen had degenerated into, to commit such horrific atrocities?
I broke a heavy branch from a tree and threw it with all my might at them, knocking down two of them, perhaps even killing them. The third of them turned his weapon toward me and it spat out metal that ripped my flesh and bit cruelly into me. This injured me greatly, but in my rage I still had enough strength to rip down another branch and throw it at him, and saw that the blow crushed his skull.
The ones who were going to be massacred were now safe. I had little strength remaining in me. I turned and struggled to make it back to my cabin so that I could die in peace. I wondered if that was what had kept me alive for all these years, to save these people as a way to help atone for my crimes. I collapsed on the ground a mile from my cabin and crawled the rest of the way, but I did not die. Over time my injuries healed. Death still would not come to me.
Through the years, my solitude was to be more frequently invaded by what I knew were man-made objects passing through the sky that made a similar unpleasant rumbling noise to those motorized vehicles. I would later learn that these were airplanes, but for a long time I could not fathom what their nature was.
I do not how many years had passed when my longing to visit Johanna’s grave became something I could no longer ignore, no matter how unworthy I felt to do so, and I set out to travel back to Leipzig. For many miles I was able to travel through undisturbed woods. From the little I had already witnessed, I knew the world had changed, but I could not possibly be prepared for what I saw when I entered the new world of man. It was staggering, as I looked upon the size and construction of new buildings and how vehicles flew by at unimaginable speeds and how man now lighted his cities to make nighttime little different than day. It was difficult navigating through these cities unobserved and I tried to avoid other people, but it was not always possible. Still, I reached Leipzig, and while much of the city had changed, the church where Johanna was buried still stood and her grave remained undisturbed, although her grave marker was so badly worn that it was difficult to make out her name upon it, even with the full moon brightening the night sky. But while I could not read her name I could still feel the engraved letters. Even without that, I would have known that this was where she was.