"Yes."
"And you expected them to watch over me when I traveled back to the Sinclair holding?"
"Yes."
"Oh." So, she hadn't been an expendable pawn. She wasn't sure why, but that knowledge made her feel much better.
"You still forced me to cross the water in your small boat."
"It's a very sturdy craft and I did not know of your fear of the water when I decided to take you."
"Would it have mattered?"
He shrugged. "I might have knocked you out so you would not be unduly distressed."
"You think knocking me asleep would have been an improvement?" she demanded in outrage.
"Over you spending more than an hour locked in terror, yes."
She shook her head, unable to think of a single thing to say to that audacious comment.
"I have kept my promise to you and I will have you admit as much. Now, English," he added when she said nothing.
"You did hurt me… with your kiss." Far more than kidnapping her from a clan she did not wish to belong to.
"I did not. I was gentle." His voice suggested he'd made a major concession.
She didn't remember much gentleness… only heat and pleasure and then terrible shame. "You humiliated me… and in front of your brother, too."
"I did not humiliate you."
"Must you disagree with everything I say?"
"If you are wrong, yes."
"But you did humiliate me. You made me enjoy it. You made me kiss you back, but all you were doing was testing me." Could he truly not fathom how horrible that would be for a woman, to believe she was wanted and discover belatedly, after exposing her own inappropriate desire, that it was all a stratagem? "I acted like a wanton and it was nothing but a horrible, rotten test on your part," she whispered, her head down because she could not stand to look in his face when she said it.
"You are upset you responded to me?"
Were all men so ignorant of the way a woman thought, or just this one? "Yes."
"Then it is not my fault you were embarrassed, but your own."
She looked up at that, unable to believe he had said something so cruel.
"My fault? I did not invite your kiss."
"You had lied to me. I had no choice but to test the veracity of your claims. And by your own admission, it was not my kiss that caused you to be hurt, but your response to it." He sounded like he was terribly proud of that logic.
She was stunned because he was right of course. Oh, he had hurt her all right, but she could see where his male reasoning had led him to believe it was the only course of action. Had she not responded to his kiss, Emily would only have been angered by his boorish behavior, not humiliated. It was her own weak behavior that had hurt her the most.
A lump formed in her throat. Why did life have to be so painful? She could look back over her years and see a pattern that shredded the very depths of her soul. It was her reaction to her father's visit the day after he tried to drown her that had sent him off to find Sybil. It was her inability to warm to her stepmother and be the lady Sybil wanted her to be that had kept a mother's love far out of Emily's grasp.
She had ruined her own chances with Talorc by responding with temper instead of understanding to his impatience and rude behavior. She had ruined her chances of effecting a rescue for Cait by getting herself kidnapped as well with her lies, and she had sown the seeds of her own humiliation when she had responded to Lachlan's kiss.
A small voice in her head said she was painting too dark a picture, but at that moment she could not see beyond her misery. She seemed to invite rejection like an old friend wherever she went and whatever she did.
A sob escaped before she pushed her fist into her mouth to prevent another sound coming out.
"Emily?" Lachlan sounded worried.
He probably thought she was going to succumb to another bout of ill humor again, but she was not that weak. Unutterably foolish sometimes, but not hopelessly weak.
She swiped at her tears. "I am s-sure y-you are right." She hated the way her voice broke, but she could not help it.
However, her tears did not mean she was going to lose control again.
"Do not cry. I forbid it."
"I'm not…" She sucked in air so she could talk without stuttering. "I'm not crying."
He said a word she did not recognize. It didn't sound Gaelic, but it might have been. She was not totally fluent, especially when it came to curses and the like.
"Responding to my kiss should not embarrass you," he informed her.
She almost laughed at that, but she was too busy trying to control the tears she had denied. "I should not have blamed you for my lack. I'm no better than a strumpet," she admitted.
"Strumpets have a lot more experience."
"Is that supposed to comfort me?" she demanded, glaring at him. Bad enough to behave like a woman of ill repute, but to have him tell her she wasn't very good at it was hardly flattering.
"Do you want me to comfort you?" he asked, looking slightly green at the prospect.
"Why not? There is no one else here to do it." Though she'd spent most of her life without someone there to comfort her. Abigail tried, but Emily had always been careful not to visit her worries on her younger sister.
The girl had enough of her own with her hearing affliction.
"I am a laird, not a nursemaid."
"I would not have known that if you hadn't told me so." She'd meant the words to come out mocking, but they ended on a sob and she turned from him, desperately wanting to get her feelings under control.
He pulled her back around and into an embrace that should have been awkward, but was not. It felt so natural she had to remind herself that he was the enemy. She fit against him as if their bodies had been made to be pressed together in just such a fashion and his arms felt secure around her.
It was comfort when she needed it most and she could not turn away, though her logical mind told her she should.
Wasn't she proving her weakness to him yet again?
His hand smoothed down her back. "Tell me why you are so upset. I do not understand."
"You kissed me and I liked it." She sighed. "I thought you liked it, too, but then I realized you didn't… that it was simply a test. You weren't affected by our embrace, but I was. That must mean I'm a true wanton. Even when you pulled away, I did not want you to stop."
He smiled down at her, his eyes warm with something she did not understand. "You are no wanton."
"I am. I know it, though I appreciate you trying to comfort me." She sighed. "Perhaps marriage to Talorc will not be so bad after all."
Lachlan went absolutely rigid and the hand rubbing her back now grabbed her shoulder with bruising bite. "What the hell are you talking about?"
She had no idea why he was so upset. Surely she was the one who should feel out of sorts for being forced to see a side of her nature she would rather have remained in ignorance of. "If I am wanton, I will find some solace in the marriage bed."
"You are not a wanton. Your response was for me, not the other laird." He looked ready to do violence.
But she did not feel any fear in the circle of his arms. Still, she had allowed the liberty of his holding her long enough. She needed to start acting like a lady if she wanted to believe herself to be one. She would never live up to Sybil's exacting standards, but Emily had her own code of honor and would not compromise it further.
She pushed out of his arms and indicated the door with the sweep of her hand. "You have other, more important matters to attend to, I am sure."
"You do not dismiss your laird. You wait for him to dismiss you," he growled, as if instructing a child in basic manners.
She rolled her eyes. "I cannot go anywhere, therefore I cannot be dismissed."
"Which means you wait for me to leave."
She bit back another frustrated sigh. No doubt he was right, but she wanted him to leave now. "I wish for a moment of privacy."