"What would you call it? There is no love between us so it cannot be called lovemaking. It was no communion of souls. You claimed my body with yours. You marked me with your scent and your seed. We ratted," she said again, not understanding why she felt this need to push him so hard.
His hands dropped away from her shoulders as if he could not stand to touch her any longer. "Are you saying you knew something better with your first husband? Did you love the man your brother chose for you? Did he make you scream with ecstasy and cry for more?"
There was something more than anger in Drustan's eyes and she knew instinctively that she could hurt him with her answer. She should want to hurt him as he had hurt her with his lack of trust and lack of concern for her feelings, but she didn't. The simple knowledge that she could hurt him soothed some of the ragged edges inside of her.
But that did not make her anger at his cavalier treatment go away. "No. I was not in love with Sean, nor he with me, but he did not treat me like a dog to bring to heel either."
"I did not do that."
"You did. You implied I have to have your permission to see my friends. You criticized me in front of your mother. Sean never pretended to love me, but he would never have done that. He treated my concerns with respect and sought to alleviate my worries when he could." Those she had shared with him. They had not been close, but that was beside the point. "And he did not demand I ask his permission before taking a step I called my own either."
"You offended my mother."
"I offended you. She understood my worries even if her son is too cruel to do so. Do not lay your sins at your mother's door."
"I am not cruel."
"You would make me suffer your touch while my mind and heart are consumed with worry over my friend, rather than do something to alleviate that worry. But then what do my feelings matter? I am nothing more than a means to an end to you."
Drustan's expression turned colder than the winter moon. "I would not want you to suffer my touch. I will find Lachlan now and seek his permission on your behalf. That is apparently all you want from me."
He stormed out of their quarters before she had time to reply. Not that she knew what she would have said. She did want to check on Emily. Desperately.
But after he left and she felt herself breathing easier, she had to admit that she also wanted a chance to come to terms with her overwhelming response to Drustan. His lack of faith had hurt her, but the fact that she had secretly wanted to return to their bed almost as much as she had wanted to see to her friend's welfare, terrified her.
She did not want to love a man who had married her only as an act of vengeance and who cared nothing for her feelings.
Emily was contemplating testing the boundaries of her captivity by leaving her room when a knock sounded on the door. She rushed forward and pulled it open to find Cait on the other side. Wearing a Balmoral plaid and an expression of deep anxiety, she stood there alone.
Emily drew Cait into the room with a hand on her arm. "Are you all right? You look upset. Are you?"
"No."
"Good." Emily dragged Cait over to sit on the bed. "Lachlan said I would not see you today, I am so glad he was wrong. He was sure that as newlyweds you and Drustan would not venture forth from his quarters for a couple of days at least. Lachlan thinks he knows everything, have you noticed that? I suppose Drustan is similarly inclined. He is a Highlander, after all."
Cait nodded, her anxious expression having turned to one of bemusement.
"But even he can be incorrect in his assumptions, can't he? I mean to say Lachlan can be," Emily said with satisfaction as she took a seat beside Cait, very, very glad to see her. Mend and not just because she did not relish the absolute solitude of the tower room.
Some of the anxiety returned to Cait's velvety brown eyes. She looked very closely at Emily. "I was worried about you."
"I was worried about you, too." Emily studied Cait for evidence she had been through an ordeal, but could see no signs of it. "Tell me truly. How are you? Was it awful?"
"It?" Cait asked with a faint smile.
"The wedding night," Emily clarified with a roll of her eyes. As if her friend did not know what she had been referring to.
Cait glanced around her as if seeking answers to the question in the smooth stone walls of the round room. Her gaze seemed to be caught by the open door and she jumped up to close it before returning to sit beside Emily.
"Well?" Emily prompted when she still said nothing.
"Last night was the most amazing night of my life." There were sad undertones in Cait's voice totally at variance with such a statement.
"You do not sound happy about that." But Emily was feeling a great deal of relief on her friend's behalf.
"I'm not. It wasn't the same for him. I'm sure of it."
"He told you so?" Emily asked, scandalized that even an arrogant warrior would be insensitive enough to utter something so callous.
"No. Not in so many words, but he doesn't believe me that Susannah said she had permission to hunt on Sinclair land."
"Why would a woman go hunting alone? That is the chore of the soldiers certainly?" Everything was so different here and she really wasn't sure what this had to do with Drustan being as moved as Cait was by their intimacy.
Cait bit her lip, her expression pained. "It isn't usual, but she did have permission and she did do it. And because of that she ma—met Magnus and they ended up married. Only Drustan is still convinced Magnus came to the island and took Susannah."
"That's ridiculous. How is a lone soldier supposed to cross the sea and kidnap a woman without being detected? If Susannah was within the castle walls, she could not have been taken at all. Were they thinking she was taking a stroll on the beach and got kidnapped?"
"No. Oh, this is so hard."
"What?"
"Trying to explain."
"I'm sorry. I should not interrupt."
"No, it isn't that. It's just…you don't know everything."
"And you cannot tell me?" Emily asked, hurt that her friend did not feel she could trust her with the clan secrets.
"I wish I could."
"Do not concern yourself. Please, just tell me what you can."
"Well, you know I was taken in retaliation for what happened to Susannah. According to clan law, Magnus or my brother should have requested permission from either Lachlan or Drustan to keep Susannah in the Sinclair clan."
"And neither of them did."
"No. They felt the Balmoral clan had failed in their responsibility to protect her and therefore were not deserving of the courtesy."
"I see. Highlanders are very proud people are they not?"
"And the Chrechte even more so."
"Chrechte? I heard Lachlan call himself that. What does it mean? It is not a word I am familiar with."
Cait stared at her. "Lachlan said that… in front of you?"
"Yes. Didn't I just say so?"
"I'm surprised, but I suppose it wouldn't hurt for you to know some of our past. Until about one hundred years ago, there were a people in the Highlands that called themselves the Chrechte; the Romans called us the Picts."
"Us?"
"I am Chrechte as well."
"Oh. I remember hearing of the Picts. They had tattoos… like the ones on Lachlan's arm and back," she said as realization dawned. "Does Talorc have them, too?"
"Yes, but the band on his arm is different from the Balmoral's."
"Didn't the Picts have their own king until MacAlpin joined the clans from the Highlands and the Lowlands under one Scottish king?"
"Yes. When he declared himself king and used deception to murder the remaining royal Chrechte, our people were devastated. After much argument and discord, it was finally decided in a council that we would join the Celtic clans. Though it was over a century ago, the Chrechte have never forgotten MacAlpin's treachery."