Atlantic when the pilot announced that he had just been told there were ten thousand kids waiting for us at Heathrow
Airport. We couldn't believe it. We were excited, but if we could have turned around and flown home, we might
have. We knew this was going to be something, but since there wasn't enough fuel to go back, we flew on. When we
landed, we could see that the fans had literally taken over the whole airport. It was wild to be mobbed like that. My
brothers and I felt fortunate to make it out of the airport alive that day.
I wouldn't trade my memories of those days with my brothers for anything. I often wish I could relive those days. We
were like the seven dwarfs: each of us was different, each had his own personality. Jackie was the athlete and the
worrier. Tito was the strong, compassionate father figure. He was totally into cars and loved putting them together
and tearing them apart. Jermaine was the one I was closest to when we were growing up. He was funny and
easygoing, and was constantly fooling around. It was Jermaine who put all those buckets of cold water on the doors
of our hotel rooms. Marlon was and is one of the most determined people I've ever met. He, too, was a real joker and
prankster. He used to be the one who'd always get in trouble in the early days because he'd be out of step or miss a
note, but that was far from true later.
The diversity of my brothers' personalities and the closeness we felt were what kept me going during those grueling
days of constant touring. Everybody helped everybody. Jackie and Tito would keep us from going too far with our
pranks. They'd seem to have us under control, and then Jermaine and Marlon would shout, "Let's go crazy!!"
I really miss all that. In the early days we were together all the time. We'd go to amusement parks or ride horses or
watch movies. We did everything together. As soon as someone said, "I'm going swimming," we'd all yell, "Me too!"
The separation from my brothers started much later, when they began to get married. An understandable change
occurred as each of them became closest to his wife and they became a family unit unto themselves. A part of me
wanted us to stay as we were - brothers who were also best friends - but change is inevitable and always good in one
sense or another. We still love each other's company. We still have a great time when we're together. But the various
paths our lives have taken won't allow us the freedom to enjoy one another's company as much as we did.
In those days, touring with the Jackson 5, I always shared a room with Jermaine. He and I were close, both onstage
and off, and shared a lot of the same interests. Since Jermaine was also the brother most intrigued by the girls who
wanted to get at him, he and I would get into mischief on the road.
I think our father decided early on that he had to keep a more watchful eye on us than on our other brothers. He
would usually take the room next to ours, which meant he could come in to check on us anytime through the
connecting doors. I really despised this arrangement, not only because he could monitor our misbehavior, but also
because he used to do the meanest things to us. Jermaine and I would be sleeping, exhausted after a show, and my
father would bring a bunch of girls into the room; we'd wake up and they'd be standing there, looking at us, giggling.
20
Because show business and my career were my life, the biggest personal struggle I had to face during those teenage
years did not involve the recording studios or my stage performance. In those days, the biggest struggle was right
there in my mirror. To a great degree, my identity as a person was tied to my identity as a person was tied to my
identity as a celebrity.
My appearance began to really change when I was about fourteen. I grew quite a bit in height. People who didn't
know me would come into a room expecting to be introduced to cute little Michael Jackson and they'd walk right
past me. I would say, "I'm Michael," and they would look doubtful. Michael was a cute little kid: I was a gangly adolescent heading toward five feet ten inches. I was not the person they expected or even wanted to see.
Adolescence is hard enough, but imagine having your own natural insecurities about the changes your body is
undergoing heightened by the negative reactions of others. They seemed so surprised that I could change, that my
body was undergoing the same natural change everyone's does.
It was tough. Everyone had called me cute for a long time, but along with all the other changes, my skin broke out in
a terrible case of acne. I looked in the mirror one morning and it was like, "OH NO!" I seemed to have a pimple for every oil gland. And the more I was bothered by it, the worse it got. I didn't realize it then, but my diet of greasy
processed food didn't help either.
I became subconsciously scarred by this experience with my skin. I got very shy and became embarrassed to meet
people because my complexion was so bad. It really seemed that the more I looked in the mirror, the worse the
pimples got. My appearance began to depress me. So I know that a case of acne can have a devastating effect on a
person. The effect on me was so bad that it messed up my whole personality. I couldn't look at people when I talked
to them. I'd look down, or away. I felt I didn't have anything to be proud of and I didn't even want to go out. I didn't
do anything.
My brother Marlon would be covered with pimples and he wouldn't care but I didn't want to see anybody and I didn't
want anyone to see my skin in that shape. It makes you wonder about what makes us the way we are, that two
brothers could be so different.
I still had our hits records to be proud of, and once I hit the stage, I didn't think about anything else. All that worry
was gone.
But once I came offstage, there was that mirror to face again.
Eventually, things changed. I started feeling differently about my condition. I've learned to change how I think and
learned to feel better about myself. Most importantly, I changed my diet. That was the key.
In the fall of 1971 I cut my first solo record, "Got to Be There." It was wonderful working on that record and it became one of my favorites. It was Berry Gordy's idea that I should do a solo recording, and so I became one of the
first people in a Motown group to really step out. Berry also said he thought I should record my own album. Years
later, when I did, I realized he was right.
There was a small conflict during that era that was typical of the struggles I went through as a young singer. When
you're young and have ideas, people often think you're just being childish and silly. We were on tour in 1972, the
year "Got To Be There" became a big hit. One night I said to our record manager, "Before I sing that song, let me go offstage and grab that little hat I wore for the picture on the album cover. If the audience sees me wearing that hat,
they'll go crazy."
He thought it was the most ridiculous idea he had ever heard. I was not allowed to do it because I was young, and
they all thought it was a dumb idea. Not long after that incident, Donny Osmond began wearing a very similar hat all
over the country and people loved it. I felt good about my instincts; I had thought it would work. I had seen Marvin
Gaye wear a hat when he sang "Let's Get It On," and people went bananas. They knew what was coming when
Marvin put that hat on. It added excitement and communicated something to the audience that allowed them to
become more involved with the show.
21
I was already a devoted fan of film and animation by the time "The Jackson Five" Saturday morning cartoon show
started appearing over network television in 1971. Diana Ross had enhanced my appreciation of animation when she