“I tried to fix things. I experimented with fluorescents.”
Jordan thought Edison said that in the same way most people say, “I experimented with drugs.” Jordan pulled the rubber ball out of her pocket and squeezed it. She was now using it as a stress ball. “I’m getting lost. What do fluorescents have to do with Melly?”
Edison flattened out her lips and furrowed her brow. “Let me tell the story in chronological order. I was eighteen and I kissed Melly in the barn. We professed our love. The accident happened. I snuck into the hardware store and stole coated phosphorescent pigment and a gallon of green paint. It’s the only thing I’ve ever stolen. With Melly’s help I painted all the backs of the buggies so they would glow in the dark. This appeased the townspeople. They thought the Swartzentrubers had caved. I hadn’t counted on that. I just wanted everyone to be safe. I could’ve lost Melly in that accident. Word got out and that was the end of everything. The elders found out who’d done it and I was finished. I claimed full responsibility but Melly got in trouble too. She was only seventeen so she couldn’t go with me. Her parents sent her to live with relatives in Pennsylvania. I never saw her again.” Edison wiped a tear. “I hitch-hiked here.”
“Wow,” Jordan said, shaking her head.
“Don’t tell anybody, okay?”
“Okay. Your secret’s safe with me.”
"Anyway, I'm sorry your lunch date didn't work out," Edison said. "The whole dating game is overrated. Don't feel bad about it. Lots of people are dating-challenged. You're just one of those people. Me too. That's why we have each other. As friends – I know what you're thinking – as friends. I totally agree with your assessment on that matter. But if you ask me, and I know you're not, but if you did ask me, I'd say that today's dating disaster was worth it. Now you know that you and Amy aren't compatible. You got it out of your system. You're free to move on."
"Actually," Jordan said, "we have another date tomorrow."
Edison punched the gas and swerved the car around another corner. Jordan hung on for dear life.
Lesbians in the Mist
Amy was nervous. Everything in her mind told her not to go. However, everything in her body said, “Go! Go!” She was stuck somewhere in between, vacillating between bliss and fear. The middle ground was nerves. That’s where she was now. After the almost-kiss yesterday under the table, Jordan had asked her to go to the art museum with her. Amy’s mouth had said yes without even consulting her brain.
Her brain had kept her up most of the night, dredging up excuse after excuse after excuse as to why she should not go on a date, technically a second date, with a gorgeous, sexy lesbian. Here were the reasons in no particular order:
Dating a lesbian would mean she was a lesbian and if she was a lesbian then…
She couldn’t wear her cute shoes anymore.
She would have to get her hair cut short and that meant it would curl into its natural Afro state. Not her best look.
She would have to carry her lipstick in her pocket because lesbians don't carry purses.
They also don't wear lipstick, so nix on the last reason.
She would have to learn to cook so she could attend lesbian potlucks.
She would have to learn to like hummus. And learn how to pronounce it.
She would have to get a cat.
Then, in an act of fairness, her brain came up with reasons to become a lesbian. Here were the reasons in no particular order:
She would save a lot of money by not buying…
Pantyhose
Dresses
Make-up
Curlers
Razors (She was uncertain whether lesbians shaved their legs and under their arms. She hoped so.)
She could share a wardrobe with Jordan.
Amy knew she was being a little silly. Not all lesbians were exactly alike. She had seen a couple of episodes of The L Word. She was pretty sure her career wouldn't suffer and her mother – her father was long gone – would eventually warm to the idea. Still… it was a pretty big step. Especially for someone as clumsy in bed as she was. See prior banana peel story. However, Jordan had woken up certain parts of her body that had been hibernating for the past ten years. And like a bear crawling out of her cave after a long winter's nap, Amy was ravenous.
She wished somebody would write a guidebook. Lesbianism for Dummies. It would make things a whole lot easier. Or maybe she should infiltrate the periphery of lesbians. Study their culture, their mating habits, their sense of humor (assuming they had one), their sense of style (assuming they had that also). She could acquaint and acclimate herself to lesbians after careful study. She could be the Diane Fossey of Lesbians.
Early in the a.m. hours after zilch sleep, Amy decided to quit thinking with her brain. She made a pledge with herself to leave her brain out of the equation and let her heart and body do all the thinking.
The next morning, her heart and body took a shower, bought a new, funky wardrobe, and picked up her new car.
First Kiss
Amy parked her new Smart car right in front of the Portland Art Museum, marveling over how it could fit anywhere. It was bright yellow and cute to boot. She loved how it complimented her new Tardis-blue Converse high-top sneakers. She had also followed Isabel’s gypsy advice and purchased a dozen do-rags to wear while at work. She felt they gave her flair.
Amy hurried up the museum steps, her mind blank, her heart pounding, her body tingly. She was so deliriously happy at the prospect of spending the afternoon with Jordan that she didn't even feel tired or sleepy; she felt exhilarated.
She was barely inside the lobby when Jordan appeared in front of her. She was wearing a pair of baggy plaid shorts (she had shaved legs, thank God) and a plain white T-shirt. She had on sandals and her toenails were painted red. She was adorable.
"I hope I'm not late," Amy said for want of anything more original to say.
"C'mon," Jordan said, taking her by the hand and pulling her toward the escalator.
"What's the rush?"
"No rush. I just want you to see what I found."
Jordan pulled her up the escalator, taking the steps two at a time, and down the wide hallway. She pulled Amy into a room and stepped directly in front of her. "Close your eyes.”
"We're in a museum," Amy said, "I thought the whole idea was to see things."
"You will, you will, trust me. Close your eyes."
Amy did as told. Jordan took her hands and slowly walked her forward. Then Jordan’s hands were on Amy's shoulders and pressing gently down. She whispered, "Sit."
Amy sat. She felt Jordan sit beside her.
"Okay, now you can open your eyes.”
Amy opened her eyes. She saw a large painting, covering most of the wall. It was whirls upon swirls of bright, thick paint. Bold strokes of every color imaginable. A mass of writhing, curving, serpentine vividness.
"What do you see?" Jordan asked.
Amy looked at Jordan. "Is this a trick question?"
Jordan shook her head. "No, not at all. I'm just wondering what you see."
Amy looked back at the painting. She tilted her head to the right. "I don't know. It's interesting in a messy kind of way."
"Keep looking."
She looked at Jordan. Jordan was clearly enraptured with the painting.
Amy looked at it again, determined to see something. She tilted her head to the left. She still couldn't discern any shapes, any type of anything. She thought it looked like a colorful tornado. Or maybe a bunch of different paints being flushed down a toilet. Or a rainbow caught in a whirlpool.