Petronella walked around to the passenger side of her white Mercedes and opened the door. She stood patiently like the footman who escorted Cinderella to the ball. When Jordan didn't move, Petronella asked, "Would you care for a ride?"
Jordan thought about it.
Petronella waited for an answer.
Jordan didn’t have to think too long. The decision was an easy one. It was over five miles to her house and she didn't have a phone on her and she was mostly naked.
Jordan shivered. "You'll take me straight home?" She was fearful that Petronella would hog-tie her and read all her poetry for the second time in one day. She didn’t think even Petronella was capable of that but who knew?
"Of course,” Petronella said with a smile. "Where else would I take you? It is not like you are dressed for an evening at the theatre." She laughed.
Jordan nodded and climbed into the passenger seat. Petronella closed her door and climbed behind the wheel. She turned on the heat, put the car in gear and drove.
Jordan peered through the dark interior of the car at Petronella's profile. Her every feature was angular and harsh. It was like her face had been cut out of cardstock with an Exacto knife. Had she really found her attractive once? Had she really loved this woman? Or was she simply in love with the idea of Petronella being in love with her? Was that how Amy felt about her – that she loved the idea of having someone hang on her every word, kiss her soft lips, and want to take her to bed? And why was she asking so many questions?
And now Petronella was saving her despite being interrogated and paint-balled. Whoever was in charge of the universe was certainly strange. Petronella pulled her car into the driveway of Jordan's house. She put the car in park, but left the engine running.
Jordan reached for her door handle. "Thank you, Petronella. I owe you one.”
“Jordan?” Petronella gripped the steering wheel with both hands and stared straight ahead. She said, "You were wrong. You meant a lot to me. I loved you. I did a lot of things wrong in our relationship. I know that now. But…” She turned to look at Jordan. “I thought you should know that. That you were loved.”
Jordan couldn’t speak past the lump in her throat. She nodded. She opened the door and got out. She leaned back inside and said. “Sorry for the paint thing. I hope the dentist can whiten your teeth.”
Petronella smiled. “Ha, that was one time I should’ve kept my mouth shut. Goodbye, Jordan.”
Jordan shut the door and watched as Petronella drove away. It crossed her mind that Petronella had said goodbye and not good night. She traipsed across the lawn and to the front door. She rang the bell.
Edison opened the door and stared. “Oh my God, what happened to you?”
Edison’s voice sounded so caring, so genuine, it was all Jordan needed to burst into tears. Edison pulled her into the house and shut the door. She held her in her arms while she sobbed.
After a few moments, Jordan’s sobs quieted to whimpers.
“What happened?” Edison asked as she patted her back and wiped away her tears.
“Everything happened,” Jordan said. “Everything.”
The Marriage Proposal
Amy, wrapped in a towel, was sitting on the toilet. She held her head in her hands and made soft little whimpering noises like a seasick chipmunk. Isabel hoisted herself up on the cabinet and stared at Amy.
"Don't stare at me. I can feel you staring."
"Amy, look at me."
Amy peeked between her fingers at Isabel.
Isabel said, “I’m sorry. You have to know I didn’t mean to upset Jordan.”
"I know, I know," Amy said, burying her face in her hands. “This whole girl thing is so hard. Guys are easier. A lot easier.”
“You just think that because you didn’t care about the guys.”
“Yeah. You’re probably right.”
Isabel picked at a piece of imaginary lint on her pants and said, "You know, I did it with a girl once."
"You did?" Amy straightened and became all ears. "When? Where? Who?"
Isabel waved her hand like it was nothing. "Oh, back in college. Some softball player had the hots for me. She plied me with peppermint schnapps and we got friendly in my room."
“What was it like?”
"Kinda fun," Isabel said with a shrug. "Except she wanted a relationship and I didn't."
"I want a relationship. With Jordan," Amy said mournfully.
“We can fix it. I can explain to Jordan that you despise Chad and I was only warning you. It’s the truth, she has to believe it.”
“What if she doesn’t? I wasn’t exactly forthcoming about Chad when he came to the restaurant. I should have told her he was crazy and that we went out once. Now it looks like I was trying to cover up my relationship with him. That I was using her to get him.”
The doorbell rang. Amy and Isabel both looked toward the ding-donging. "That'll be Chad. You want me to get rid of him for you?" Isabel asked.
Amy shook her head. "No. I better do it or he'll never stop. Can you let him in while I get dressed?"
"Sure," Isabel said. She hopped off the counter and was turning to the door when it flew open. There was a loud crunch as the doorknob punched through the wall behind it.
Chad stood in the doorway, snorting like a bull. He pawed the ground with one foot and looked from Amy to Isabel and back to Amy again. He looked psychotic with his eyes rolling around in his head and he was still wearing the filthy hospital gown. His hair was even more rat’s-nest-y and there was a pungent odor surrounding him.
"What are you doing?" Amy finally asked, wrapping her towel around her tighter. She felt at a distinct disadvantage standing naked with only a towel separating herself and her dignity.
"Where is she?" Chad snorted, looking around wildly.
"What?" Amy asked. "Who?" she also asked even though she was pretty sure she knew who he was talking about.
Isabel put her hands on her hips and lifted her chin in the air. "Do you mind? We were having a private conversation and then you just burst in and break the wall? Why the hell did you ring the doorbell if you’re just going to barge in anyway?"
"Do you mind?" Chad echoed her like they were grade school again. "I would like to have a private conversation with my fiancée. And I rang the doorbell because it was the polite thing to do.”
"Fiancee?" Amy said.
“Can you give us a moment, please?” Chad said.
Isabel looked to Amy. Amy nodded.
Isabel poked one finger into Chad's chest and said, "One minute and that’s it. I got my eye on you, Bub. You mess with Amy and I'll go Sweeny Todd all over your ass."
"Sweeney Todd?" Chad asked. He lurched and slurred. “Who’s she? Another lesbo?”
Isabel continued, "You so much as look at her cross-eyed and Chad will be the other white meat."
"What's that mean?" he said, backing into the hallway.
Isabel squinted in her most menacing manner and poked him a few more times, saying, "Chad. It's what's for dinner."
"Huh?" he said, more confused than ever. He put his hand on the doorframe to steady himself.
Isabel backed down the hallway, pointing two fingers to her eyes then pointing the two fingers at Chad in the universal "I'm watching you" signal.
Chad stumbled back into the bathroom. Amy took a step back and tightened the towel around her body again.
Chad dramatically dropped to one knee and bowed his head as if he were waiting to be knighted by a king. He lifted one hand into the air. There was a diamond ring glittering in the palm of his hand. He looked up at her from under his eyebrows and smiled.
Amy almost laughed at the absurdity of it all. “How on earth did you get that? In your condition, I wouldn’t think anyone would sell you a diamond.”