It could only be about one thing, and for a second, I hesitated. But I wouldn’t let this ruin what I’d spent months trying build. "Sure," I smiled at him and got out of the car.
He motioned for me to sit on a bench a few feet away. I did. “How have you been, Dr. Matthews?"
"You know to call me Alan, Amanda."
I laughed. "How have you been, Alan?"
He blew out a breath, his smile completely gone. "I’ve been better." He cleared his throat. "That’s actually why I wanted to speak to you."
My eyebrows drew in. "What do you mean?"
He took my hand in both of his. I let him. I swallowed down my emotions and blinked back the tears. I don’t know how he’d suddenly made me feel like this.
"I owe you an apology—"
I opened my mouth to interrupt but he lifted his hand to stop me.
"Please, sweetheart," he said. "I need to apologize to you. Logan—"
My breath caught. No one’s mentioned him by name since he left.
"He was in a bad way after what happened to you. And even though it happened to him, too. He never saw it like that. All he ever saw was you. He blamed himself. He thought it was his fault that it happened. And he thought that if you hadn’t of met him—well—" He let out all the air in his lungs. Then he looked at me. Right into my eyes.
I let a tear fall.
"I thought I was helping him. It was my idea for him to leave and travel. I thought that maybe it would help him if he saw things differently…but hell, I never even thought about you."
I let the dam break.
"And I’m sorry," he continued. "I’m sorry that he’s gone."
"Please." I managed to say, trying to stop him from continuing. I wiped my face. "I appreciate what you’re saying. I really do. But you’re not the one that should be apologizing."
He nodded. "Do you want to know about him?"
"No." I said quickly. "I can’t."
"Okay," is all he said.
Then he removed his hands from mine and leaned back on the bench.
I mimicked his position.
We stared straight ahead.
"You know," he said, his tone a little lighter. "When he left for college, it started to get real lonely in that big old house, but he would come by and visit on weekends. Now though—I miss him."
I swallowed the knot in my throat. "Yeah." I did, too. But I wasn’t going to admit that to anyone.
He laughed once. "I looked up taco casserole recipes on the internet."
I smiled. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," he replied. "Mine came out black, though."
I laughed. That awkward crying type laugh. I wiped my face and sniffed.
"Just saying—if you ever feel the need to make it, and want to visit a lonely old man in a big empty house, the invitation is there."
I tuned my head to face him. "Maybe."
"There you are!" his voice came from behind me, interrupting us.
I stood up.
So did Alan.
I waited until he was next to me before I made the introductions. "Um, this is Tyson." I pointed my thumb at him. "Tyson, this is Dr. Matthews." I felt Tyson tense from next to me.
They shook hands.
Alan smiled, and then faced me. "The invitation will always stand, pretty girl."
Acknowledgements
So many people to thank for making More Than This and More Than Her possible.
Firstly, my amazing fiancé. The line, “He's not the hearts and flowers kind of guy, but he's the heart and soul kind, and fuck if every girl would rather that than the flowers.” — That’s all you.
My beautiful, perfect little boys, I don’t have words. They are my heart. My soul. My everything. I hope one day you’ll read this and be proud of Mummy.
My mother in law, Jan McLean. You were there to help me out on so many occasions when I was up all night writing and needed someone to be there. Whatever our little family needs you are always there, and I can’t tell you how much I love and appreciate you.
Now to the books:
Alexis at Reality Bites, Let’s Get Lost Book Blog. You were the first blogger to give me a chance, I can’t tell you how much that means to me.
Donna and Willow at The Romance Cover Book Blog; for believing in MTT, and organizing my first blog tour, while holding my hand and answering my stupid questions.
Michele Tucker - for being the first to reach out and say hello and friend me, and tell me my story reminded you of The Sea of Tranquility (!!!), and also for introducing me to Ari at Coveritdesigns.net.
Ari - you’re so much more than just the amazing artist that designed my cover, you became a friend, a confidante, a hand holder, a back patter and tour guide into the crazy world that is books. You also introduced me to Chantal.
Chantal Fernando - My everyday chat buddy. Thank god for Facebook, and it’s ability to stop us from doing what we should be doing. Like walking, exercising, and all that jazz. I love our daily talks about our daily lives (baby poop face). Thank you for encouraging and supporting me when I had no idea what I was doing. You have been my go to when I had my “author pants” on and freaked out over the littlest things. My name will forever be in the front of a NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLER.
***
Jacqueline Russell, Jacqueline’s Reads - Thank you for leading me when I was blind and helping me get around this whole author/reader/blogger world. You helped me when I had no idea how to promote myself, and I’ll forever be thankful for your honesty and support. It means the world.
Tricia Santos - You are amazing. I don’t know how you live your life always on the go, and always have time for me and my “author pants” - but I love that you do. Thank you for beta reading this story and your honesty. I hope that we stay friends for a long time - because as sucky as this sounds - considering I’m only 10 years older than you - I can’t wait to watch you grow up and become an amazing woman.
Chelcie - My sister from a paler mister. My 6 foot Filipina by association of asian persuasion. I love your guts. Hard. And not because you loved my book, but because I’m your future—Only you will get that. Be strong, live life. Laugh with your girls, love with your husband. You are so much more than what you give yourself credit for. Be the person you want to be, and say fuck you to anyone that doesn’t like who that is.
Tina and Alex Dunn - Yes, I include your husband, because I need to be blamed for taking you away from him and possible sexy times, multiple times. I bet you’re glad you stalked me, became my friend, and then offered to be my PA. Now you get stuck on teaser image/blog tour/contest organizing/constant first hand “author pants”-ing. We’re kind of obsessed with each other, it’s probably not healthy, but I don’t think either of us care. Like when I say, “I’m going away for the weekend.” And you don’t ask where, or with who, or how long…but you say, “Will you have wifi?"
All bullshit aside though, I wouldn’t even know where I would be without you. Apart from my family, you are the one constant in my life. I love how genuine you are. I love that you shoot straight and aim high, and I love that you motivate me to be more.