“She wasn’t my girlfriend,” I whisper.
She laughs once. “That’s it? That’s all you have to fucking say?”
I start to speak but she cuts me off. “We talked,” she says, exhausted. “James and I, we talked. That’s all. He asked my dad permission to marry me. I didn’t know. I wanted to know what my dad had said to him, because I need a memory of him, of them, of my family. Because I’m starting to forget them…” Her voice breaks as tears flow and a sob overcomes her entire body.
“I feel like I’m starting to forget them, Jake, like they’re fading away and I don’t want that. What your mom did with this room… for me, I felt like they were here with me. I could even smell the memories in my blankets and clothes. But it’s all going. The memories are fading and sometimes…” she stops, closes her eyes and takes a breath… “sometimes, when I close my eyes, I can’t see them anymore, and I don’t want to forget them. He helped me remember them, Jake. That’s all.”
I crawl into bed with her and tuck her head under my chin.
“You’ll never forget them, Kayla. They’ll always live in your heart.”
Its quiet for the longest time as she cries quietly into me. When the sounds stop and I think she’s fallen asleep, she whispers, “Jake, when we get to the house, I’m going to find a job, and then I’m moving out. I can’t be this broken girl anymore.”
I don’t say anything, because fuck, what can I say? It’s the last thing I ever wanted.
Chapter 35
*Mikayla*
Moving day.
It would be an understatement to say that things have been awkward between Jake and I since the night of the bonfire.
Now, we’ll be living together until I can save up enough money to move out.
I want to tell him that it’s not because of him, but because of me. That I don’t want to feel like our circumstances are the only reason we feel the way we feel for each other, If he feels anything for me at all.
I had organized for movers to take some of the furniture from storage to the house. Mandy was there to oversee it all.
After some very tearful goodbyes and a billion ‘thank yous’ from me to Mandy and Nathan, I went to say goodbye to Julie.
She’d been in her room most of the day. I guess she wasn’t very happy about us leaving. I had gotten close to Julie over the last couple of months. She didn’t replace Emily, but she came pretty close.
I wanted to give her a special gift, so I had written her her own fairytale and got it professionally illustrated.
It was about a little girl who was a Princess, of course.
She wore a cape, as part of her costume, because she believed that one day, she’d be able fly and dance in the clouds.
Her older brother, the Prince, was a secret superhero, who went around at night saving the world, in his baseball gear, of course. His powers came from his right hand. He would raise it to the sky and the sun would beam down on it. His hand held the strength of a thousand men. The Queen and King, her parents, were also heroes, but not your normal, everyday ones. They were the kind that loved and cared for those that didn’t have anyone else to love and care for them.
Julie loved the story, and when Mandy and Nathan saw it, they loved it too.
Now, we’re in the car.
Two hour drive to Jake's house.
In silence.
Awkward as hell.
“So…” he says out of nowhere, surprising me and making me jerk in my seat a little. “Julie showed me the book.”
“Oh yeah?”
“It’s beautiful, Mikayla, really. You’re something else you know that?” he says this, never taking his eyes off the road.
More Silence.
I guess he can’t take the quiet anymore because he plays with his stereo until the bluetooth connects with his phone.
And then…
‘You’re insecure
Don’t know what for,
You’re turning heads when you walk through the do-o-or…’
My head snaps to his, and his eyes are wide, a blush creeping to his cheeks.
“Holy shit!” I yell out in laughter. “One Direction, Jake? Really? What the fuck happened to you in the last two weeks?”
He laughs. A good, all out, carefree laugh. And I missed it. I missed it so much. And god, I miss him. So fricken much.
“Shut up!” he laughs, eyeing me sideways. “It must have been on like, a compilation I downloaded, or Ju-ju, she probably put it on!”
“What? Your 8 year old sister got your phone and loaded One Direction on there? For what? For her to listen to on the times you don’t have your phone?!” I’m all out laughing now. Tears in my eyes.
“I honestly don’t know how it got there. I swear it,” he laughs again.
By the time we get to the house we’ve listened to the song no less than 20 times, know most of the words, and have a half a dance routine made up for it.
Thank you, One Direction, for breaking this awkward tension. If for nothing else, I will always remember the one song that bought me back to the most important person in my life.
Chapter 36
*Mikayla*
It’s not enough that I have to live with, and deal with Jake Andrews.
Now I have to deal with college Jake Andrews.
And this Jake Andrews, is a whole other level I didn’t even know existed.
The hype of him being here was definitely downplayed by those around me because fuck, he is a big deal.
I can’t go anywhere with him without being stopped every two minutes.
Everyone wants a piece of him, and I mean everyone.
I thought that Marisa chick was hot, she’s nothing compared to the women here. And I say women because that’s what they are, women, older, and more experienced.
From the few college parties I’ve experienced since being here the last couple of weeks, I know he can have any girl here.
Which is why, I choose not to go to many parties at all.
I’m still that frumpy, stupid, jealous, insecure little girl I was at that hotel.
In our home, he’s my Jake, and I’m his Kayla.
We hug and hold hands, and talk and laugh.
We still never kiss, and we’ve never taken it further than innocent touching.
As fucking hard as it is, we have held back.
The minute we step out of those doors, it’s like I shut down. Because I don’t want to be known as the girl that hangs around Jake Andrews, the one he saved one tragic night. The one he cared for when no one else did.
I don’t want to be the girl the other girls see as competition, because I’ve been that girl, with James, and with Megan, and there are way too many fucking Megan’s in college. Only this time it would hurt so much more. Because how I feel for Jake, when I let myself feel it, is a thousand times heavier than what I felt for James. Which means the heartbreak will hurt a thousand times more, and I don’t think my heart can handle any more pain.