“To make stalking easier?” Ryu grinned.
“Shut up!”
Man, I had to get Vi into this conversation. I leaned toward her. “What about you? Ever ordered from TG?”
She shot me a look, but answered, “Yeah, a portable solar charger.”
Immediately, both guys turned to her with interest in the specs, whether it was strong enough for a laptop or just an iPod. She fielded their questions with obvious relief; this was something she could discuss. Oddly, her nerves made mine go away because I could see I had nothing to fear.
Vi was right; this was going to be the best summer ever.
INVINCIBLE SUMMER
As it turned out, those were prophetic words. The weeks went quickly, combining work and fun in the best possible ways. The four of us became an inseparable unit, and Ryu did, in fact, become my Japanese boyfriend. My first, though I doubted he’d believe it. Since he was going back to Tokyo at the end of the session, we both understood it was a temporary, summer thing.
During the day, we took astronomy, physics, calculus, and programming courses. At night, we teamed up and took telescopic images of a nearby asteroid, then Seth wrote software to determine its orbit around the sun. Twice a week, we had guest lecturers; my favorite was a physics professor with a great sense of humor, and I really enjoyed the Q&A afterward. The instructors worked us hard, but there was time to socialize as well. At first Vi wasn’t on board, but I kept dragging her along, and eventually, she relaxed enough to joke around with the guys.
Day by day, it got easier to recognize the face in the mirror as my own, though I still wasn’t used to my new body, even the second week in. I kept expecting my legs to be bigger or my pants not to fit when I slid into them. But I paid attention to what I ate, and I got in the habit of running in the morning with Seth. He didn’t look like an athlete, another sign that I shouldn’t judge by appearances. Maybe if my parents had been sportier, less academic, I would’ve valued physical activities as much as intellectual ones.
“Good run,” Seth said, working slowly through his cool down. He was teaching me about fitness without realizing it.
“Longest I’ve ever gone.”
“Yeah? We should get cleaned up. They’re taking us to NASA’s Jet Propulsion Lab today.”
I didn’t need a second invitation to jog up to my room, where Vi was reading. “Tell me Seth looked super hot.”
“I’ll do better than tell you.” Grinning, I showed her the sneaky photo I’d taken with my crappy phone camera.
“God, I love it here. The weather’s gorgeous all the time, it’s so pretty, and—”
“Seth,” I finished, grabbing my basket of toiletries.
Vi threw a pillow at me, which hit the door as I darted out. My shower was quick, and I still needed to grab some lunch before the field trip. A glance at my phone told me I had thirty minutes to get ready and find food. Fortunately Vi had a sandwich waiting on the desk when I got back to the room.
“You have no idea how much I appreciate this,” I said.
“It’s just the opposite. You had no reason to be so nice at registration. I’m trying to repay you and prove I know how to be a good friend.”
“You’re the best.” I hugged her with one arm as I ate.
“Hey, you’ll get crumbs in my hair!”
“Whatev, Seth will groom you like a bonobo monkey,” I teased.
Vi pretended to pout, but she couldn’t hide her smile forever. I’d noticed the way his eyes followed her and the way he brightened up when she entered the room. The boy straight up loved how she could hold her own when the tech talk commenced, getting down and dirty with all of the latest robotic trends. Some things were sexier than great hair and skinny jeans.
My old life, along with my problems at Blackbriar, seemed like a dream, a nightmare, really. Though I remembered the misery and desperation, I was happy. Maybe it was too soon to recover and I’d feel crappy as soon as I saw the Teflon crew’s faces, but for now, the change of scenery and my first real friends were doing the trick. Even if life was imperfect, it was worth living, every minute, every second, and I’d fight to keep this new tenacity, once I went home. I learned that I had a weird sense of humor, but people liked me anyway—or maybe because of it. I’d spent my life cracking jokes in my head, wondering if anyone but me would laugh.
They did.
As for Ryu, I liked being part of something. I didn’t fall wildly in love with him, but he was a great guy: kind, smart, funny, and handsome. It was cool to sit next to him, looking up at the stars, while Vi and Seth whispered beside us. The first time he worked up the nerve to put his arm around her, I smothered a grin and turned to see Ryu watching me with a goofy smile on his face.
“You act like you’ve never seen people fall for each other before.”
“Not from so close up,” I said.
No. I doubted he’d believe me if I said I was operating from what I’d read in books as opposed to personal experience. That truth didn’t fit my new look, even if I was more used to it. So Ryu would never truly know me, and that made me a little sad.
“They’re pretty cute,” he admitted.
“Did you know Seth before the SSP?”
“Only online. We’ve talked in various forums.” From his tone, he’d rather not tell me which ones.
I could guess. “That’s cool.”
“Hey, do you mind if I take a picture of us, show you off to the guys back home?” His question gave me a weird twinge.
Before, he never would’ve wanted to do that, even if he liked me. How did I feel about being eye candy? It was bizarre and slightly unwelcome, not because I didn’t think I was pretty now, but I wasn’t before, and I was still the same person inside.
“No problem.”
It wasn’t fair to dump my ambivalence on him without context. This was probably a normal request and something he meant as a compliment. Obligingly I leaned in, tilted my head against his, and smiled. The flash blinded me for a few seconds, and when I focused on the girl in the photo with Ryu, it didn’t feel like me, more as if somebody had transferred my consciousness into her body.
“We look great. Do you mind if I post this as a status update?”
“Go for it.”
He got busy tapping on his phone, so he missed the moment when Seth leaned in and kissed Vi for the first time. They bumped noses, sweet and awkward, and I turned my face away, cheeks hot. Probably they thought I was too wrapped up in Ryu to notice. I liked him, but … he was safe. There was no chance of losing myself in him.
“And done.” Before he could do more than hug me and kiss my cheek, the instructor called us to attention and directed us to our next lesson.
Possibly because there were only thirty-six of us, no cliques developed, and nobody was left out. And that was just on the social front. School-wise, I learned a ton. By the time the program wrapped up, we had gone to the Jet Propulsion Lab, the Caltech campus, and Griffith Observatory. Of the trips, I liked the last one most. There was something freeing about being surrounded by people who shared my interests. Nobody thought I was weird for being interested in the stars, not that I wanted to study them professionally. I just found them fascinating, so I enjoyed my time in the dome, working on the orbit determination project.
The weeks melted away, and I came out of the program stronger and more confident. Kian will be proud, I thought, as I put the last load of clothes I’d ever wash on this campus into the dryer. While I might not be completely used to my new self, I’d gotten good at pretending. That’ll have to be enough.
The final night in our dorm room, Vi lay on her bed, dreamy-eyed. “Seth and I are going to keep in touch. I have his, IM, Snapchat, Whatsapp, and stuff. He lives in Illinois, so he’s only three hours away.”