Otherkin. Kin, but not clan. Lily frowned at a landscape she didn’t see, her legs moving automatically. When Cynna spoke, it startled her.
“After Cullen told me about Jasper, I asked him if he had any stray brothers or sisters I didn’t know about. He said no. You knew that his mom was Wiccan, right?”
Lily nodded. “She taught him spellcraft, didn’t she?”
“And kept him from burning things down until he was old enough to get a handle on his Gift. You maybe don’t know that she was forty when she had him. She used a strong-ass fertility charm to help her get pregnant while she was involved with his dad. Those aren’t supposed to work, but either hers did or she got lucky. She wanted a lupus baby.”
So different from Rule’s experience…“Rule told me once that his name was Anglicized—that the original version was Reule. A French name. Nokolai was French before the clan immigrated, so I assumed that’s where the name came from. It didn’t. That’s what his mother named him.”
“You learned that last night?”
“Isen and I talked quite awhile. Isen called him Rule because it was easier for people to pronounce, so that’s what he grew up with. But his mother named him Reule. It means famous wolf.”
“Wow. It seems like she put some thought into his name. It also seems like there’s a lot you haven’t told me, if you and Isen talked so long.”
Lily’s breath huffed out impatiently. “I’m not sure how much to say. Rule doesn’t talk about his mother, but I think it’s okay if I do. But somewhere there’s a line between what’s okay to say and what isn’t, and I’m not sure where that line is.”
“I hate to say this,” Cynna said, “I really do. I’d rather nag you into telling me everything, but…” Her breath was coming fast and hard now, so that she had to start dumping her words out in bursts. “My own rule is that…if I think it would make Cullen mad…for me to repeat something…that’s okay. I can talk about stuff that…makes him mad if I want to. But if it would hurt him or…make him feel exposed…I don’t say…anything.” She slid Lily a look. “But hey. You can…talk about how you feel without…violating any…confidentiality deal.”
“Confused.” And shut out, which she didn’t like, but she understood. Rule needed time to come to terms with what this newfound brother meant to him. Only she wasn’t sure he knew that. “We’re nearly to the turnaround point.”
“Thank God.”
They’d marked the one-mile point with a small stack of rocks. When they reached it, Cynna said she wanted to pause and stretch out a bit. Mostly she wanted to get her wind back, Lily thought, but that was okay. There was a long, flat rock she could use to stretch her hamstrings. She balanced on its edge and dropped her toes slowly.
The clouds stacked across the morning sky had lost their earlier blood-and-fire glory by then, fading to soft pink in the east with myriad grays and steel blues overhead. Rain by noon, she thought. She wouldn’t be here to see it.
“I wish I was going with you,” Cynna said.
“I guess you could, if you decided to. Neither Rule or Ruben can tell you no.”
“The upside of being a Rhej is that no one can tell me no. The downside is that this forces me to be a grown-up and tell myself no sometimes.” Cynna hugged one leg close to her chest. “Ow. That hurts so good. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what the grown-up thing is, though. This is probably the safest it’s going to get for a while. Friar’s organization is a mess.”
“We think so, anyway.”
“And Jasper-the-thief wanted me there.”
“Which could be a strong argument for staying here.”
“That’s what Cullen said. Along with a lot of other shit.” Cynna lowered that leg and hugged the other one. “Why is my left butt cheek always stiffer than my right? Anyway, I couldn’t make up my mind, so I tossed a coin.”
“I guess San Francisco lost.”
“Yeah.” Cynna switched legs.
“Well, if you’re here you can connect with the CSI squad. Now that the internal clan stuff’s been cleared up, Isen agreed that I could call them in. They’ll be here about ten.”
“I can do that.” Cynna lowered her leg slowly. “I’m going to have to resign from the Bureau, you know.”
Lily stopped moving. “Shit.”
“I don’t have to do it right this minute. I’ve got another two months of unpaid leave. But I’m not going to be able to go back to active duty. I won’t be able to go where I’m needed. If I was still an apprentice I could, but now…” She shrugged.
Lily couldn’t think of what to say. She’d nearly lost her position with the Bureau in October, and that had all but wrecked her. “Have you talked to Ruben yet?”
“He said he’d find a place for me if I wanted, maybe in Research. But research isn’t my thing. Or I can be a consultant. I’ll probably go with that. I don’t want to stay in the Bureau just so I can be on the payroll. I don’t need to, either. Nokolai would pay me a salary if I wanted, you know.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Usually a Rhej gets housing and utilities from her clan, but being a Rhej isn’t a full-time job, so most of them work at regular jobs, too. Hannah did when she was younger, and I expected to. But with this war, that’s going to change. We’ve been talking about it.”
“ ‘We’ being the Rhejes?”
Cynna nodded. “They’re an incredible bunch of women. I thought it might be hard for them to accept me. They loved Hannah. She was the eldest, and they all…but they’ve been great. Anyway, there are two of us who don’t have apprentices—me and the Etorri Rhej—and she and I have talked several times. We agreed that we can’t risk the memories. She’s quitting her job, and I won’t be going back to the Bureau.”
Lily was silent a moment. “Are you okay with this?”
“You know, I am. I don’t like being denned up at Clanhome, and I’ll miss being an agent. But I’m not a cop all the way down the way you are. I’m not giving up something that’s fundamental to me. And then there’s Ryder. I knew things would change once she was born, but I didn’t know how much of the change would be in me. In what I want.” She shook her head as if she’d run out of words. “Anyway, the reason I told you today instead of some other time is that I wanted you to know where I’m coming from. I want you to promise me something.”
“If I can.”
Cynna’s grin flashed. “Smart answer. I don’t think this one will stretch you out of shape. If you decide you need me in San Francisco, call me. Cullen won’t. I’m pretty sure Rule won’t, either. Not that I can promise I’ll come if you do, but I want to know. I want it to be my choice, not the default setting everyone picks for me.”
“Damn, you are turning into such a grown-up.”
Cynna’s grin widened. “I am, aren’t I? So will you do it?”
Lily nodded. “It’s a deal.”
“Good. Thanks. I guess you need to get back.”
“I really do. Check-in’s at ten, and I’ve got a ton to do before then.” Lily started off at a slow jog, but Cynna seemed to have her breath back, so she moved into an easy lope. After a bit she said, “Things keep changing, don’t they?”
“All the fucking time,” Cynna agreed. She sounded annoyingly cheerful about it, though.
FOURTEEN
RULE was leaving the house when Lily returned. He told her he was heading over to Eric Snowden’s to get Toby, touched her face as if he, too, regretted the lack of a private moment, and left at a lope. By the time Lily showered, called Ruben, called the local FBI office to delegate some of her cases, and texted her parents that she’d be out of town for a while, he was back.