She couldn’t get her mind around it. He came home the next day and threw himself literally at her feet. She just watched, dry-eyed, unable to feel anything, while he cried. He went out and bought her an expensive diamond bracelet. She looked at it with disgust and told him to take it back to Tiffany’s. After several days of utter misery, she realized she needed some time alone. She told him to go stay at his parents’ for a while. He took some suits over there. Then he got sent back to L.A. That was nearly three weeks ago. Since then he’d been back in New York for just one weekend. She let him stay in the apartment so he could see Maya, but she made him sleep on the couch. She barely spoke to him. After he returned to L.A., she mostly screened his calls. She had at least five saved voice mails and, the last time she checked, seventeen unopened e-mails from him that she was thinking about deleting. She knew she couldn’t go on shutting him out. They had a child and a mortgage together. She had to make a real decision. But she couldn’t imagine the future. All she could do was grieve for what they’d lost. She couldn’t stand the sight of him, and yet all she wanted was to be with him, like nothing had ever happened.
She could sit here and wallow forever, but she had things to do. She considered calling her mother, then rejected it out of hand. Her mother wanted her to work things out with Steve. She couldn’t listen to that right now. Her mother was a little too clear-eyed for Melanie’s taste sometimes. Grow up, Melanie, men are like that. Who should know better than me? Just be grateful he’s trying to make it up with you instead of walking out. If I were you, I’d take that bracelet and anything else I could get my hands on, and make him account for his every move from now on. No, she couldn’t listen to that poisonous cynicism. Besides, her mother was too busy for baby-sitting. She was smack in the middle of her second youth, with a cute condo in Forest Hills and a good job as a bookkeeper for a flourishing dermatology practice. She’d gone blond after a lifetime as a brunette. She had at least two boyfriends that Melanie knew of, and she was addicted to swing-dance classes. No, Melanie would call only in a dire emergency.
Reluctantly, she dialed her sister’s cell phone.
“¡Dígame!” Linda was out of breath. Car horns blared in the background.
“Lin, it’s me. I need a favor.”
“Sí, claro, los Manolos.”
“Manolos? No, no, it’s Melanie.”
“Oh, Mel. I can barely hear you. I thought you were Teresa. She’s going to a benefit tonight, and she wants my brand-new gold stilettos with the crystals. Can you believe it? I paid five hundred Washingtons for those suckers. What’s up?”
“Listen, I have a problem. I’m in trouble at work, Steve’s still in L.A., and my baby-sitter is about to quit if I make her stay late.”
“Let me guess. You want me to baby-sit Maya?”
“Yes. Would you?”
“Gee, sweetie, I don’t think that’s such a great idea. I’d probably drop her or something. Besides, I’m going clubbing later with a guy who can get me a meeting with the programming people at Telemundo. You know, about developing my show.”
Linda was a fashion and entertainment reporter for a local cable news channel. She was damn good at it, too. She walked the walk, lived the same lifestyle her subjects did, made the connections. Speaking of which, Linda never went out until the small hours, and Melanie knew it.
“What time are you meeting him?” Melanie asked.
“A medianoche, downtown.”
“Midnight? I’ll be home before then.”
“But I need to get my hair blown out.”
“Use my hot curlers.”
“Hmm. I do like those things. They give me good volume. But did you try Mom?”
“She’s so on my case these days, I couldn’t stand the thought.”
“I hear you on that, chica.”
“Besides, it can take her an hour to get in on the train. Please, Lin, just say yes-I’ll owe you so big.”
“You’re not gonna make a habit of this, are you? Because you know I’m low on maternal instinct.”
“This is the first time I ever asked!”
“You take my next two turns going with Mom to Costco and it’s a deal.”
“You never take her anyway.”
“Is that a no?”
“Okay, okay, fine! Get over to my house, though. Elsie’s waiting.”
“Never saw a woman so afraid of her own help. You should fire her ass.”
“Be nice to her, please! Te amo, sis.”
“Yeah, you better.” Linda laughed and hung up.
MELANIE ORDERED A TURKEY SANDWICH AND TWO cups of coffee from the diner across the street, then knelt down and started reading the labels on the boxes. She had only a vague idea of what she was looking for-something, anything, that could lead her to an address on Slice or Bigga. She’d done a few wiretaps in her day and knew how the files should be organized. But this was a big investigation, bigger than any she’d ever worked on, with numerous telephones tapped. Figuring out which telephones might have some connection to Slice without spending weeks reading every document-that seemed beyond the capacity of her already overtaxed brain.
She jumped when her phone rang. It was the guard in the lobby calling to say the delivery guy was on the way up with her food. She buzzed herself out through the bulletproof door and waited by the elevator, stomach rumbling. This would be her first meal since that bowl of Cheerios early this morning. The Benson case was good for her diet anyway. She’d lost twenty-seven pounds since Maya was born, but when she looked in the mirror, all she saw was the ten still to go. And they weren’t coming off without her starving herself, which she wasn’t good at, or hitting the gym, which she didn’t have time for.
The delivery guy got off the elevator and handed her a dripping-wet plastic bag; it must’ve started to rain. She paid him and went back inside. Several of her colleagues were hanging out near the fax machine, shooting the breeze. Brad Monahan, a tall, square-jawed prosecutor with perfect Ken-doll hair, snapped his arm back and sent a Nerf football sailing right for her head. She deflected it with her free hand; it hit the floor and bounced under a nearby desk.
“You’re supposed to catch it, Vargas,” he called good-humoredly.
“Her hands are full, you moron,” said Susan Charlton, a short, athletic redhead, perched against the fax table, arms crossed over her chest. Susan was a former Olympic swimmer and the only openly gay woman in the office. The same cops who called her “Miss Alternative Lifestyle” behind her back begged her to work their cases because she was so fierce in the courtroom. Melanie, Susan, and Joe Williams-who stood with Brad and Susan-had all started in the office around the same time and gone through basic training together. Brad was junior to the three others, so ambitious and competitive that they teased him mercilessly about it, but he was cheerful and fun to have around.
“You’re losing it big-time, Vargas,” Brad said. “If you can’t catch a goddamn football, how you gonna command a courtroom?”
“Brad’s favorite game isn’t Nerf football,” Joe observed. “It’s keeping track of who has the most macho points.”
Smiling, Melanie bent down and picked up the football. What the hell, she could take a little break, hang out for a minute, like old times. One thing she’d missed out on since Maya was born was the late-night camaraderie around the office. Melanie and her colleagues were too busy to chat during the workday. Their only chance to see each other-to seek advice and trade war stories-came after hours, when the courthouse was closed and the phones stopped ringing. By rushing out every day at five-thirty, she cut herself off from them. That was a price she paid for motherhood, a price none of them could relate to. Melanie was the only woman in her unit with a child. Almost none of the male prosecutors had families either. The job was too intense. It was for young, ambitious, single people. People with outside commitments just couldn’t handle the pressure. She tried not to think about that, about how the two things in her life that were any good-work and Maya-seemed to conflict with each other.