‘I missed you,’ I say, reaching for her.
She steps back and looks down without saying anything.
Her silence frightens me. I say, to make her speak, ‘What have you been up to?’
‘I’ve been writing.’
‘Zulfikar Manto?’
She nods. ‘A piece on corruption.’
How convenient. ‘You can do all the research without leaving your house.’
She looks at me, and the sadness in her face makes me want to hold her. ‘Daru, it’s over.’
Has she left him? ‘What?’ I ask, wanting to make sure.
‘This. I’m not going to be coming to see you anymore.’
Confusion. What is she saying? Stay calm. Try to sort out what’s happening.
‘You can’t just walk away from this,’ I say.
She reaches out and hugs me, pulls my head down to her shoulder. ‘I can. I’m sorry, Daru. We can’t be lovers anymore.’
‘Why are you saying this?’ I whisper.
‘I was never going to leave Ozi for you. I told you that from the beginning.’
I step back, disengaging myself from her embrace. ‘Do you know he killed a boy?’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘I was there. I saw him. He ran him over.’
‘Stop it.’
‘He didn’t even bother to stop. He just drove off.’
‘Don’t do this.’
‘But he’s a murderer. Doesn’t that mean anything to you? How can you stay with him?’
‘I’m leaving.’
Suddenly I understand. I grab her arm. ‘Has he threatened you?’ I’m screaming. ‘I’ll kill him! I’ll kill the bastard!’
She tries to pull away, but I hold her by the wrist, tight.
‘Let go of me.’
‘I have a gun. If he hurts you, I’ll kill him.’
She twists violently and pulls her arm free. ‘He hasn’t threatened me,’ she says, backing away.
‘Wait. Don’t go.’
She stops at the door of her car. ‘Daru, please do something about yourself. Tell your family. You need help. You shouldn’t be alone.’ She looks at me for a moment, then slams the door shut and drives off.
I wait for her in the driveway, but she doesn’t come back. Then I go inside and sit down and wipe my face, but no matter how much I wipe, it seems to stay wet.
And everyone on my street must be incinerating their garbage, because the stench of burning flesh is so strong I can’t sleep. Once, in the darkness, I even imagine that I’m on fire, smoke rising from my body, and leap out of bed.
But it’s nothing. Just a moth fluttering by my eyes.
I lie awake and think.
And the more I think, the clearer it becomes. Ozi hasn’t threatened her. It’s Muazzam. Muazzam is the problem.
I never won a championship when I boxed for GC. Our coach used to say that the guys who win championships are the ones who decide they aren’t going down, no matter what. I was one of the best boxers on the team, and I worked hard, but he still disliked me. He told me I wasn’t a real boxer, because there was only so much pain I was prepared to fight through. My last fight was for the All-Punjab. I was TKO’d in two rounds with a bad cut above my left eye. The coach said I was a coward.
But I’ve decided that I’m not going to lose Mumtaz. I’m not going down this time.
In the morning I find myself heading out for a drive. I’ve taken my gun with me. First I pass by my bank, slowing down to watch the customers slipping inside. Then I drive to Shuja’s house. The gunman outside doesn’t recognize me, even though my Suzuki must be distinctive with its smashed windows. I stop and stare at him, my gun on my lap. He looks uncomfortable and goes behind the gate. And that makes me feel good.
Eventually I find myself where I knew I’d end up: parked near Ozi’s house. I think Mumtaz told me he was out of town, in Macau or something, but I don’t care if he is here, if he does drive up and see me. I’ll tell him I’m having an affair with his wife. What can he do about it?
But I don’t see him, and I don’t see Mumtaz either, which is fine with me. Because I’m hoping to see someone else. And early in the afternoon, when the sun comes out and the gray clouds part to reveal a beautiful blue sky, I do see him: little Muazzam, in a black Lancer with his nanny and a driver.
I slip into first and follow. Muazzam is what stands between Mumtaz and me. She feels so guilty about leaving him that she’s willing to stay in a meaningless marriage. I wonder what would happen if Muazzam got into a car accident, if he died suddenly. Mumtaz might be upset for a while. But eventually it would be better for her. She would be free, happy again, able to come to me. What adventures the two of us could have. We would be unstoppable.
The Lancer takes a left, heading toward FC College. Dirty water stretches across the road, hiding potholes, and the driver slows down. I get closer. I can see the driver’s eyes in his rearview mirror. Then he accelerates, the Lancer pulling away, and I have to floor my Suzuki to keep up. But he isn’t trying to lose me. He slows down again at a roundabout, takes a right. I’m very close. Muazzam disappears. Then he stands up again on the rear seat, his curly head visible through the window, just ten feet away from me.
The Lancer gives a left indicator and turns into the driveway of a house I remember, Ozi’s grandfather’s place. We used to play there sometimes, when we were younger.
Dark clouds with red bellies, lit from below by the electric city or a last gasp of light from the drowning sun, and a smoky breeze that stinks of burning flesh from the trash pile down the street. A joint in my mouth, heavy on the hairy, and a 9-millimeter automatic tucked into my jeans, pressed into my hipbone, bruising my flesh painlessly because of the numbness. Crows flap against the wind, sitting on a telephone line, quiet, watching the outnumbered parrots in my banyan tree.
Finally, fear stronger than the hairy can hide.
I’m so scared that I feel like throwing up. I’d force my finger down my throat and make myself gag if it would make me a little less dizzy. But I’m not drunk, I’m frightened, and I don’t think vomiting would be much help.
Murad Badshah arrives and parks his rickshaw, and we head out in my car. We don’t speak much. For once, even Murad Badshah doesn’t have anything to say. He keeps adjusting himself under his shalwar, or maybe he’s trying to find a comfortable position for his revolver.
The hand brake makes a loud sound when I pull it up. Light pours out of the big glass windows of the boutique. Mannequins cast shadows on our car. Murad Badshah reminds me what I have to do, and even though I’m listening, I don’t understand a word he’s saying. My college boxing coach once had to slap me before a fight to get me to attend to his instructions.
I get out, feeling self-conscious. Then I turn and walk into the boutique. The guard stares at me and my heart starts pounding in my head, hard. I stare back at the guard like I’m a rude patron. I realize I’ll kill him if I have to. He’s a young guy, balding, with dark skin and glistening temples and a mole like a fly on his left nostril. He’s sitting on a stool with a short-barreled pump-action shotgun across his thighs, and I’m standing beside him so its barrel is pointing at my knees. If he squeezes the trigger he’ll blow my legs off.
I walk out of his line of fire and his eyes don’t follow me. An ugly kid who looks like Muazzam is crying and pulling on his mother’s arm, and the sound is so unnerving that I want to shoot him to prevent myself from panicking.
Get hold of yourself.
Walk around, avoiding eye contact, touching fabrics, seeing who’s here. No men except the guard and one of the salespeople, who looks harmless. The other salesperson is a fierce-faced woman with arms bigger than mine. Keep my distance from both of them, because my mouth is dry and I’m zoned on hairy, so I don’t know how well I can talk. If they ask me what I’m looking for, I might shoot them. I think shooting something might calm me down. I feel hysterical. That damn kid keeps crying and tugging on his mother.