“No. Will you take me? If not, he will. Or I’ll drive myself.”
“I’ll take you, if you’re sure it’s what you want-”
“What I want is for my husband to still be alive.” She did that habitual twining thing with her long-fingered hands. She was so pale now she might have been exsanguinated; the skin across her cheeks was almost transparent, so that you could see the veins, the crawling muscles beneath the skin. “I’ll get dressed and we’ll go. It won’t take me long.”
“You are dressed-”
“I can’t go like this. For God’s sake, Drew.”
She twisted away from him, walked stiffly out of sight. He stared after her for a few seconds before he faced me again. Anguish showed in his dark eyes; he spread his hands in a helpless gesture.
“She’ll be all right,” he said. To himself mostly, as if he were trying to convince himself that it was true. “It’ll take time, that’s all. Time.”
I stayed silent.
All he could find to say to me was, “Thanks for what you did,” in a distracted voice.
“For nothing,” I said.
I found my own way out.
Four thirty, a hint of dawn in the dark restless sky, when I got home. I let myself in as quietly as I could. Kerry had left a couple of lights on for me; I went down the hall, eased open the bedroom door. The night-light in the bathroom let me see that she was asleep. But she’d always been a fairly light sleeper and I knew that if I went in there and got undressed and got into bed, she would wake up and ask questions that I didn’t feel like answering right now. More importantly, she needed sleep and she wouldn’t get any more if I woke her up. Neither of us would.
I stood watching her for a time. She’d kicked off the blanket and sheet and lay sprawled out on her back, breathing in soft little snores, her auburn hair fluffed out around her head and one arm flung over on my side of the bed. She looked very young in that pose and that light, like Emily does sleeping. Young and innocent and vulnerable.
I love you so damn much, I thought. You have to tell me what’s wrong, babe, let me do something, anything to help fix it. If I ever lost you…
But I wasn’t going to let myself go there. Not after what I’d been dealing with. I eased the door shut again and shut off the hall light and catfooted into the living room. It was early-morning cold in there, and I hadn’t been able to get warm since that first long walk on the beach; I turned the heat up past seventy. Then I took off my shoes and lay down on the couch with my coat on and Kerry’s afghan pulled up to my chin. I thought maybe I could sleep a little, or at least lapse into a doze, but I was wide awake and I stayed that way as daylight began to creep in around the drawn drapes.
I kept seeing James Troxell’s dead face, stark and bloody in the beam of my flashlight. And the film of windblown sand over his staring eyes. And the shiny new. 22 in his stiffened fingers.
Suicide. Such a waste, such a stupid senseless needless waste.
And after a while it was another dead face I was seeing, another stupid senseless needless waste I was thinking about. Eberhardt’s. Eberhardt, and the way he’d died.
23
JAKE RUNYON
The call came in on his cell phone shortly before eleven. He was in the field on new agency business, a routine investigation on behalf of the plaintiff in a wrongful death lawsuit. But the timing was good; he’d just parked his Ford on Stanyan Street and was walking down toward Haight where the subject of his first interview owned a music store, so he was able to take the call on the move.
He recognized the woman’s voice even before she identified herself. “I hope I’m not calling at a bad time,” she said. Tentative and apologetic, the way she would approach most things in her life. “This is Arlene Burke. Sean Ostrow’s sister?”
“Yes, Mrs. Burke.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t call Saturday night or yesterday. I wanted to, but… well, my husband”-stress on the word husband, as if it were a bad taste in her mouth-“he didn’t want me to have anything more to do with you. He threw a fit about it. He said you threatened him. Did you?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“I didn’t think so. I suppose it was the other way around.”
“He was abusive, yes.”
“He can be such a bastard,” she said with sudden vehemence. “If I’d known what he was, I never would have married him.”
Runyon said nothing. She didn’t expect a response; she was just venting.
There was a staticky hiss on the line, as if she’d exhaled sharply into the receiver on her end. “Well. You don’t want to hear about any of that,” she said. “I called for two reasons.”
“Yes?”
“I found a photograph of Sean you can have. It’s not recent, but it’s a good likeness. Do you still want to pick it up?”
“Later today, if that’s all right.”
“It’ll have to be here at Macy’s,” she said. “That’s where I’m calling from, I’m on my break. I work until six tonight, so any time before then.”
“I should be able to get there midafternoon.”
“The other thing I wanted to tell you, I-”
The rest of what she said was lost in the diesel roar of a passing Muni bus. Runyon turned into the doorway of a bookshop, put his back to the street and plugged his other ear with a fingertip. When the noise subsided he said, “Sorry, I couldn’t hear you.”
“It sounds like you’re on a busy street.”
“I am. What was it you said?”
“I remembered something. About Sean’s new job in the city.”
“Yes?”
“He never said exactly what the job is, so I don’t know if this will help. But he did say it was part-time and seasonal.”
“Seasonal?”
“That was the word he used. But it didn’t matter, he said, because it was a dream job, another dream about to come true.”
“Also his exact words?”
“Well, I think so. That’s what I remember.”
“Any idea what the ‘other dream about to come true’ was?”
“No. But it could be the someone he met, whoever she is.”
“This was in late March?”
“That’s right. The end of March.”
“And he left for the city on April first.”
“Early that morning. That was the day he was moving into his new apartment.”
“And the day he was starting his new job?”
“… No, actually. I think he said he’d have some time to get settled first.”
Runyon thanked her and rang off. Call Tamara right away or get the interview over with first? The interview was immediate agency business, the appointment time firm; Sean Ostrow was personal business, still unconfirmed and speculative. He left the doorway and threaded his way to the music shop through the neocounterculture types that crowded Haight Street.
Tamara said, “Baseball?”
“Ostrow’s a big Giants fan.”
“So you think this new job of his has something to do with the Giants?”
“Adds up that way. Baseball is seasonal, it’s part-time work for everybody but players and management. Perfect fit for a guy like Ostrow.”
“With the team itself?”
“Maybe.”
“He’s a teamster, right? Some sort of driving job?”
“That’s one possibility,” Runyon said. “But my guess is, it’s connected with the stadium.”
“Could be any one of a couple dozen jobs then.”
“He told his sister it was a dream job. For him that’d be one where he’s inside the stadium while games are being played, in a position to watch. Narrows it down. Usher, security officer, one of the roving vendors.”
“Shouldn’t be any trouble finding out that much, as long as he’s using his own name.”
“No reason for him not to be.”
“But if he is working at SBC Park, you won’t find him there this week or next. Giants are on the road.”
“I know. Can you get his address from their personnel file?”
“Tricky,” Tamara said. “If the team and the stadium were city-owned, no problem-I could probably get it through Parks and Recreation. But they’re privately owned. Limited partnership called.. San Francisco Baseball Associates, something like that.”