Ostrow had no time to get into the car, get it started, get away. His freeze lasted another second, and then he broke into a run himself, uphill in the street.
Thirty yards separated them when Ostrow reached the top of the hill. He threw a look over his shoulder, saw how close behind Runyon was, and put his head down and veered to his left across Thirtieth Avenue. Brakes screeched and a minivan rattled by, the driver’s startled face framed in the side window, as Runyon reached the crest. Ostrow was running diagonally, up onto the opposite sidewalk toward where the street humped and fell away downhill. But he didn’t go that far. He cut sideways onto a narrow stretch of unpaved ground between the sidewalk and the cyclone fence that enclosed Washington High School’s athletic buildings and football field.
Ahead of him, the fence made a perpendicular jog from where it bordered the far edge of the unpaved ground, back along the edge of the sidewalk. The perpendicular section was maybe a dozen feet wide and lower than the rest of the fence, no more than six feet high, because of a tall cedar tree growing on the inside. Ostrow didn’t slow down; he hit the six-foot section at full speed, clawed his way up over the top, dropped down in an awkward stagger, and plowed into the cedar’s trunk when he tried to right himself. Exposed roots tripped him. He slid on his ass down a short grassy embankment out of sight.
Runyon didn’t slow down, either. He hit the fence just as hard, tore up his hands on the sharp jutting wire ends at the top as he heaved his body up and over. The pain was like an adrenaline rush. He steadied himself against the tree trunk, looking for Ostrow. Spotted him running along the red composition rubber track that circled the football field. Runyon avoided the cedar roots, managed to keep his footing to the bottom of the incline.
Ostrow saw him coming and veered off the track onto the broad, empty field. But he was either tiring or losing the panic-stimulus for his flight, stumbling and lurching a little now each time he cast glances over his shoulder. Runyon was winded too but running on thick, newly mowed grass was easier than doing it on asphalt and he didn’t slow, didn’t waver. The gap between them closed to twenty yards. Fifteen. Ten.
Ostrow went down.
One more backward look, and all at once his legs seemed to give out and he fell, sprawling on his side, rolled over, crab-crawled and then tried to stand up. But Runyon was right there, looming above him, the Magnum out now in case there was any fight in the man, the weapon close to his chest and his body shielding it from the street above.
No fight. Ostrow quit trying to get up and knelt there gasping, staring up at Runyon with sick-dog eyes. Damp grass clippings clung to one side of his face. A thin band of foamy drool dribbled from his mouth.
Runyon said, “Get up.”
The sandy head wobbled sideways, maybe a refusal, maybe something else. The tortured gaze shifted to the Magnum.
“Please,” he said.
Runyon was silent, working to bring his breathing under control.
“Shoot me,” Ostrow said. “Why don’t you?”
“No.”
“I want you to. I killed her, I deserve to die.”
“I’m nobody’s executioner.”
“Please, I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”
“Don’t tell me,” Runyon said. “Tell the judge and jury. Tell God.”
Ostrow flopped over on his belly, buried his face in the grass. Broken sobs came out of him-for the woman he’d killed or for himself, there was no way to tell which.
Later, after Ostrow had been taken away in handcufffs and the last of the police had gone, he had a little time alone with Risa. She was tearfully grateful to him. Told him she always would be. Told him he’d given her the closure she needed to stop grieving, get on with her life. When he was ready to leave, she hugged him tightly and clung to him for a few seconds, her body pressed against his.
She wasn’t Colleen, she was Risa. She didn’t even look much like Colleen, really. And Colleen was gone and he was still alive and Risa was an attractive woman and not married anymore. He wanted to ask if he could see her again, maybe take her to dinner or a movie. But the words wouldn’t come.
He stood rigidly in her embrace, not able to return it, not able to make himself say anything at all.
30
I stood on the condo’s balcony, watching the night. One of those rare, crystalline early-summer nights, no clouds and mostly windless, where both the city lights and the stars have a kind of hard metallic glitter that almost hurts the eyes.
So many stars tonight. If it wasn’t for the light pollution, you would have been able to see the Milky Way. I looked for the two Dippers, found the Big but not the Little. Kerry knew where they were, knew the names and locations of all the major stars and constellations-just one of many things she knew that I didn’t. I could identify the two Dippers and Venus, the evening star, but that was about all. Star clusters were just that to me; I looked at them, tried to imagine horses, birds, dogs, lions, fish the way she did, and couldn’t seem to form the right pictures. Orion, Ursa Major, Gemini, Cassiopeia were just names to me.
Cancer had been just a name until tonight.
Cancer, the crab. Perfect fit, all right. Ugly, scuttling, sharp-clawed creature that tore through flesh, fed voraciously on human cells.
I was having trouble imagining that, too-the crab wreaking its havoc inside Kerry. Bad enough, the scare I’d had years ago, the spot on my lung from years of heavy smoking. But that scare had been false. This one was real. The spot hadn’t been malignant. The lump in Kerry’s breast was. And the victim wasn’t me, it was the one person I loved more than my own life. That made it harder to deal with, because back during my brush with the crab I hadn’t had her, I’d had no one to care about but myself.
I wished again that she’d told me as soon as the lump was discovered. And again, perversely, hating myself a little, I was glad she hadn’t. Now at least I could focus my fear, concentrate my hope-I was better equipped to handle what lay ahead for Kerry, and for Emily when we told her. She’d known that about me. She knew me so well, better than I could ever know myself.
One good thing: it would be the last of the secrets between us. We’d vowed that to each other inside, before I came out. No more secrets. It was a vow we’d both keep. How could we not keep it, now?
Behind me the sliding glass door whispered open, whispered closed. Kerry came over to stand next to me, close. She’d put on a sweater, was holding it wrapped around herself with her arms crossed.
“You okay?” she said.
“Yes.” More or less. “I just needed some air.”
“Chilly out here.”
“Not too bad. Supposed to warm up tomorrow, stay nice for a while.”
“I hope so. I always feel better when the sun shines.”
“So do I.”
Neither of us said anything more for a time. Feeling welled up in me, sudden, sharp, and I straightened from the railing and turned her and held her again, the way I had inside after she told me.
“I love you,” I said.
“I know,” she said. “I love you.”
“We’ll get through this. It’ll be all right.”
“I know that, too.”
We kept holding each other, tight, tight, and I looked up once more at all those bright glittering anonymous stars.
Don’t let her die, I thought. You hear me up there?
You better not let her die.