“I’m fine,” I said. “I didn’t hear anything on the nets.”
“It’s not public yet. Don’t tell anybody, Casseia. I think we’re being voided because our Lunar branch is starting up major prochine operations in Lagrange. Earth doesn’t like it. The Greater East-West Alliance, actually, but it might as well be the whole Earth.”
GEWA — pronounced Jee-wah, an economic union of Asia , North America , India and Pakistan , the Philippines , and parts of the Malay Archipelago — had been causing problems for a number of BMs, including Majumdar.
“Is it really that bad?”
“We can’t ship any goods to Earth, and we can’t exchange process data with GEWA signatories.”
“How does that affect you?” I asked.
“We’re looking at an across-the-board loss for the next five Earth years. My scholarship is down the tubes,” Charles said. “I had hoped to join the Trans-Mars Physics Co-op for my fifth-form studies. If Klein can’t ante up, I can’t pay my share, and I don’t even go to fifth form.”
“Damn,” I said. “I know how much that means — ”
“It puts everything on hold, Casseia. What you said… about taking time to think things through…” His voice shook and he worked to control it. “Casseia, I can’t possibly go lawbond, I don’t have any prospects for scholarship — ”
“It’s okay,” I said.
“I feel like an idiot. Everything was going so well, maybe, I thought, maybe we can — ”
“Yeah.” I hurt for him.
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be.”
“I love you so much.”
“Yeah,” I said.
“I want to see you. As soon as I’m free here — we have some family decisions to make, consensus on BM direction, response, and so on — ”
“Serious. I know.”
“I want to get together. At Durrey, when we go back, or at Ylla, wherever. No pressure, just… see you.”
“I want to see you, too.”
He reaffirmed that he loved me, and we mumbled our way through farewells. His image faded and I took a deep breath and got a drink of water.
Charles was in trouble and that took pressure off me, and I felt guilty relief. I knew I had to talk to someone, soon, but my Mother and Father certainly would not do…
I called Diane.
She answered with vid off, then switched it on. She wore a ragged blue robe she had treasured since girlhood. She had caked her hair with Vivid, a mud-colored treatment she was addicted to. It rolled slowly on her scalp. “I know, I know, I’m ugly,” she said. “What’s up?”
I told her about Charles’s situation. I told her he had asked me to lawbond and that we couldn’t now. That I was and had been very confused.
She whistled and dropped onto her cot. “Lightspeed kind of guy, isn’t he?” she asked, narrowing her eyes. Talking remote was never the same as being in the same room, especially for a good heartfelt, but Diane’s manner cut the distance. “You told him to go slow, I hope.”
“I don’t think he can. He sounds so in love.”
“That’s either wonderful, or he’s grit. How do you feel?”
“He is so sincere and… he’s so sweet, I feel guilty not dropping my tanks and digging in.”
“Well, he’s your first, and that’s sweet alone. But you’re not telling Aunt Di how you feel. Do you love him?”
“I’m worried I’m going to hurt him.”
“Ah. I mean, uh-oh.”
“You sound experienced” I said testily, knotting my fingers.
“I wish I were. Casseia, stop pacing and relax. You’re giving me an ache.”
I sat.
“You went with him to Trés Haut Médoc. He wasn’t just climbing into your suit. You must have seen something special in him. Do you love him?”
“Yes,” I said.
“But you don’t want to lawbond.”
“Not right away.”
“Ever?”
I shook my head, neither yes nor no. “Don’t tell me I’m a fool not to, because he’s pretty and kind. I know that already.”
“No such, Casseia. Although I’m a bit envious. He is smart, he was good — I assume — ”
“He was very good,” I cried.
“And he’s willing to wait; So wait.”
I pressed my lips together and stared at her. “What if I decide not to lawbond? Would that be fair? He’d have wasted time on me…”
“God, Casseia, I hope no sophisticated Terrie ever hears this. We Martians are such serious folk. Love is never wasted. Do you want to dump him now and try someone else?”
“No!” I said angrily.
“Hey, it is an option. Nobody’s forcing you to do anything. Don’t forget that.”
Talking with her simply dropped me deeper. “I feel really terrible now,” I said. “I’d better go.”
“Not on your life. Why are you so charged about this?”
“Because if I love him, I should feel differently. I should feel all one way, not three ways. I should be happy and giving.”
“You’re ten years old, Casseia. Young love is never perfect.”
“He uses Earth years,” I lamented.
“Ah, a fault! What other faults does he have?”
“He’s so smart. I can’t understand anything about his work.”
“Take a course. He doesn’t want you for a lab assistant or fraulein arbeiter, does he?”
“When I’m away from him, I don’t know what to feel.”
Diane wrinkled her face is disgust. “All right, we’re running in circles. Who’s waiting in a side tunnel?”
“Nobody,” I said.
“You know how men react to you. You’re attractive. Charles isn’t the only slim and randy buck on Mars. You can afford to relax a bit. What do you know about him? You know his family isn’t rich… his BM is in trouble with Earth… he wants to be a physicist and understand everything. He’s pretty he’s gentle, he’s rugged on the Up… God, Casseia, I’m going to hit you if you just void him!”
I shook my hanging head. “I’ve got to go, Diane.”
“Sorry I’m not helping.”
“It’s okay.”
“Do you love him, Casseia?” she asked again, eyes sharp.
“No!” I fumbled to hit the vid off. I missed.
“Don’t cut me now, roomie,” Diane said. “You don’t love him at all?”
“I can’t. Not now. Not one hundred per.”
“You’re positive?”
I nodded.
“Could you come to love him, someday?”
I stared at her blankly. “He’s very persuasive,” I said.
“One hundred per?”
“Probably not. No. I don’t think so.”
“Be kind, then. Tell him honestly how you feel right now.”
“I will.”
She looked away for a moment, then brought up her slate. “You know me,” she said. “Always squirreling. Well, I have something interesting here, if you want to know about it.”
“What?” I asked.
“Charles may be ragged on the Up and good in bed, but he has plans, Casseia. Have you checked up on your friend?”
“No.”
“I always make sure I know as much as possible about my male friends. Men can be so tortuous.”
I wondered what she was going to throw at me now, and my shoulders tensed: that he was actually a Statist, that he had been spying for Caroline Connor in the trench domes.
“This doesn’t toss any sand on how nice a guy he is, but our good Charles wants to be a real physicist, Casseia. He’s applied to be a subject for enhancement research.”
“So? It’s the pro thing. Even Majumdar accepts it.”
“Yeah. And on Earth, everybody does it. But Charles has applied to be hooked to a Quantum Logic thinker.”
I fell silent for a moment. “Where d-did you learn that?”
“Open records, medically oriented research applications, UMS. He put in the request early last summer, before the trench domes.”
My insides sank. “Oh, God,” I said.
“Hey, we don’t know much about such a link.”
“Nobody can even talk to a QL thinker!” I said.