He took a sip of the brandy on his desk-he was almost through with the bottle, which gave him some satisfaction. It hadn’t been easy to obtain it, and he didn’t particularly wish to leave it behind. But it did serve as a reminder of certain bodily functions, and so he pushed his chair back and stood. There was a chamber pot in the corner, but he’d recently refurbished this section of Belgrave with the latest in toileting technologies. He’d be damned if he was going to forgo the pleasure before getting shipped off to Leeds.
Off he went, moving down the hall. It was late; the house was settled and quiet. He took care of his business, pausing to admire the marvels of modern invention, then headed back to his study, where he fully intended to spend the night, or at least remain until he finished the brandy.
But on his way back he heard another person stirring about. He stopped and peered into the rose salon. A lighted candelabra sat on a table, illuminating the room with a flickering glow. Grace was in the far corner, shuffling about at the escritoire, opening and shutting drawers, a frustrated expression on her face.
He told himself he should apologize to her. His behavior that afternoon had been abominable. They had shared far too many years of friendship to allow it to end like this.
He said her name from the doorway, and she looked up, startled.
“Thomas,” she said, “I did not realize you were still awake.”
“It’s not so late,” he said.
She gave him a small smile. “No, I suppose not. The dowager is abed but not yet asleep.”
“Your work is never done, is it?” he asked, entering the room.
“No,” she said, with a resigned shrug. He’d seen her make that motion countless times. And the expression that went along with it-a bit rueful, a bit wry. Truly, he did not know how she bore his grandmother. He put up with her because he had to.
Well, he supposed she had to put up with her, too. Employment opportunities for gently bred young ladies of little to no fortune were not exactly thick on the ground.
“I ran out of writing paper upstairs,” she explained.
“For correspondence?”
“Your grandmother’s,” she affirmed. “I have no one with whom to correspond. I suppose once Elizabeth Willoughby marries and moves away…” She paused, looking thoughtful. “I shall miss her.”
“Yes,” he murmured, remembering what Amelia had told him. “You are good friends, aren’t you?”
She nodded. “Ah, here we are.” She pulled forth a small stack of paper, then looked up at him with a grimace. “I must go write your grandmother’s letters now.”
“She does not write them herself?” he asked with surprise.
“She thinks she does. But the truth is, her penmanship is dreadful. No one could possibly make out what she intends to say. Even I have difficulty with it. I end up improvising at least half in the copying.”
He chuckled at that. Grace was such a good egg. He wondered why she’d never married. Were the gentlemen too intimidated by her position at Belgrave? Probably. He supposed he was at fault, too, so desperate to keep her on as his grandmother’s companion that he had not done as he ought and provided her with a small dowry so she might rise from employment and find a husband.
“I must apologize, Grace,” he said, walking toward her.
“For this afternoon? No, please, don’t be silly. It’s a terrible situation, and no one could fault you for-”
“For many things,” he cut in. He should have given her the opportunity to find a husband. If nothing else, she wouldn’t have been here when Audley had arrived.
“Please,” she said, her face twisting into a miserable smile. “I cannot think of anything for which you need to make amends, but I assure you, if there were, I would accept your apology, with all graciousness.”
“Thank you,” he said. He supposed he felt better for that, but not much. And then, because one could always find refuge in the obvious, he said, “We depart for Liverpool in two days.”
She nodded slowly. “I imagine you have much to do before we leave.”
He thought about that. Not really. He’d spent the last four days under the assumption that he’d return to England with nothing, so he’d worked himself into a frenzy, making sure every last corner of the Wyndham estates was as it should be. He would not have anyone saying he’d sabotaged the new duke.
But he’d finished it all. There was a grain order to review, and his own personal packing to supervise, but other than that…
His days as the duke were over.
“Almost nothing,” he told Grace, unable to keep the bite from his voice.
“Oh.” She sounded surprised, not so much by his answer, but by the fact that he’d voiced it. “That must be a pleasant change.”
He leaned forward. He could see that she was growing uncomfortable, and he’d had just enough to drink to enjoy that a bit. “I am practicing, you see,” he said.
She swallowed. “Practicing?”
“To be a gentleman of leisure. Perhaps I should emulate your Mr. Audley.”
“He is not my Mr. Audley,” she immediately replied.
“He shall not worry,” he continued, ignoring her protest. They both knew she was lying. “I have left all of the affairs in perfect order. Every contract has been reviewed and every last number in every last column has been tallied. If he runs the estate into the ground, it shall be on his own head.”
“Thomas, stop,” she said. “Don’t talk this way. We don’t know that he is the duke.”
“Don’t we?” Good Lord, which one of them was she trying to fool? “Come now, Grace, we both know what we will find in Ireland.”
“We don’t,” she insisted, but her voice sounded wrong.
And he knew.
He took a step toward her. “Do you love him?”
She froze.
“Do you love him?” he repeated, losing patience. “Audley.”
“I know who you’re talking about,” she snapped.
He almost laughed. “I imagine you do.” And he thought to himself-they were doomed. The both of them. Amelia was lost to him, and Grace had gone and fallen in love with Audley, of all people. Nothing could happen there. He knew that he might have got away with marrying someone of Grace’s status, but Audley never would. Once he became the duke, he’d have to marry some horse-faced girl whose birth was as high as his own. There would be skeptics and detractors aplenty. The new duke would need a brilliant marriage to prove to society that he was worthy of the title.
And besides, Audley was an irresponsible fool, clearly unworthy of a woman like Grace.
“How long have you been here?” he asked, trying to locate the answer through the fog in his brain.
“At Belgrave? Five years.”
“And in all that time I haven’t…” He shook his head. “I wonder why.”
“Thomas.” She eyed him warily. “What are you talking about?”
“Damned if I know.” He laughed bitterly. “What’s to become of us, Grace? We’re doomed, you know. Both of us.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He couldn’t believe she’d had the nerve to pretend he hadn’t been crystal clear. “Oh, come now, Grace, you’re far too intelligent for that.”
She looked to the door. “I should go.”
But he was blocking her way.
“Thomas, I-”
And then he thought-why not? Amelia was as good as gone, and Grace-good, solid, dependable Grace-was right here. She was lovely, really, he’d always thought so, and a man could do far worse. Even a man without a farthing to his name.
He took her face in his hands and he kissed her. It was a desperate thing, born not of desire but of pain, and he kept kissing her, because he kept hoping that maybe it would turn into something else, that maybe if he tried hard enough, for long enough, something would spark between them and he would forget…