“Oh my God! That’s what he meant by, ‘I knew exactly what you were feeling, and it wasn’t anger, animosity, or dislike; it was something quite different,’” She remembered the sensation that had spread throughout her body when she had seen his exposed chest and the heat she had felt that had nothing to do with the sun. And he knew it! She quickly scanned the letter to find her place. Were there other revelations to be found in its pages?
And because I knew what you were thinking, I felt comfortable in engaging you in conversation, and for the first time since I left Kent, I had hope. There was, of course, a major hurdle to be overcome, and after I saw your face when I revealed all, I again despaired. But on that first night of nightfall, when you came out onto the terrace, I saw a ray of light in a bleak landscape. And you know the rest.
Do I need to tell you how much I want you? How I suffer each night because I sleep alone? When I told you in the study that I wanted to taste and touch every inch of you, I was not speaking figuratively…
Lizzy felt her temperature rise, and she used the letter to fan herself and wondered what her wedding night would be like? On more than one occasion, Lizzy had overheard her mother’s conversations with Aunt Philips and the other hens from Meryton speaking of their own wedding nights. Although they were laughing when they shared their “pointed” comments and their “probing” questions, they still spoke of the discomfort and embarrassment they had experienced that first time.
Would she be embarrassed? She did not think so. William had talked about how Nature provides for its creatures. If stripped of the overlay of shame and guilt placed on making love by society, it could be a pleasurable experience for both men and women. But would it hurt? That was a different matter altogether. When he had lain on top of her in the study at Pemberley, his manhood seemed to be a third of the length of a broomstick, but again, he had explained that Nature prepared a woman to receive a man if the woman was receptive. Lizzy decided to stop thinking about it. She would know soon enough and continued reading.
At night, as I lie awake, I think of the words from Shakespeare’s forty-third sonnet:
All days are nights to see, till I see thee.
And night’s bright days when dreams do show thee me.
My darling, you have become the reason for my existence. Without you, there is no Fitzwilliam Darcy.
Yours always, Will
Lizzy let out a sigh, quite pleased with the contents of the letter, and as she tucked it under her pillow, she thought how few nights there were left when he would sleep alone.
Chapter 28
While Madame Delaine was measuring every inch of her person, Lizzy was imagining a shop where you could buy a ready-made dress. A tuck or two, a shortening of the hem, and a bit of added lace, and she would be done, but she dare not speak her thoughts aloud, as Madame had already mentioned her contempt for the inferior work of some of the other dressmakers, at least that was Lizzy’s translation of her heavily accented English.
Buying the shoes, boots, gloves, shawls, and chemises was a lot more fun, and she particularly enjoyed visiting the milliner’s shop, where she donned turbans with tassels and hats with ostrich plumes sprouting everywhere. But with Mr. Darcy’s satirical eye, she could just imagine his comments about such exotic head coverings. He had already voiced his opinion on the overly wide brims of her poke bonnets, saying that she wore them not to keep the sun off of her face but to keep his lips off of her mouth. How wrong he was about that.
Two days later, Aunt Gardiner and Lizzy returned to Madame Delaine’s boutique for Lizzy’s first fitting, and when she saw the emerging form of her dress within the fabric, she was very pleased, and so she suffered in silence as Madame pinned away.
When aunt and niece got out of the hackney at Gracechurch Street, they saw a carriage parked outside the Gardiner townhouse, and Lizzy immediately recognized it as belonging to Mr. Darcy.
“Ah, Miss Darcy has returned to town,” Lizzy said, smiling. She had developed a deep attachment for Georgiana as she was all that a sister should be, but when she went into the parlor, there sat not Miss Darcy but her brother. After an exchange of pleasantries, Mr. Darcy told Mrs. Gardiner that his sister was upstairs with her eldest daughter, and when she learned that Margaret was teaching Miss Darcy how to trim a bonnet, she said that she would check on their progress.
Knowing of Mr. Darcy’s ardor, she sat on the sofa across from him.
“I thought you were to go directly to Herefordshire,” Lizzy stated, somewhat concerned. She wanted nothing to interfere with his task of finding Nell a husband.
“Well, I had to come through London anyway, and so I decided to break my journey for a day or two. Are you complaining?”
“Of course not, but you will go to Herefordshire, will you not?”
“Elizabeth, I thought you would be happy to see me. Instead, it seems that you will be pleased to see me on my way. I have not pressed on in my journey because I missed you. Three weeks was too long. What was I thinking when I made those plans?” And then he became suspicious of her reasons for wanting him out of London, but in Herefordshire. “Is this about Nell?” Of course it was, and Darcy shook his head in disapproval. “Your silence speaks volumes. Once again, I will tell you that I have no interest in the lady. You have nothing to worry about.”
“I believe you, and I do not want to talk about Nell. How did things go with your aunt Catherine?”
“Better than I would have thought.”
“Really!” Lizzy said pleased. “I feared that it would not go well at all. So she approves of our marriage?”
“I would not put it that way.”
“Are you saying that although she does not approve of our marriage, she will not stand in our way?” Lizzy asked in an unsure voice.
“She did not say that either.”
“Well, what did she say? Is your good news that she did not throw a vase at you or hit you with her cane?”
“A vase was not immediately at hand, and her infirmities prevent her from wielding a cane in such a way as to cause injury.”
“Oh, now I see that your purpose in going into Kent was to hone your skills as a wit.”
“I have been so easily found out,” he responded, but when Lizzy started to twiddle her thumbs while waiting for an explanation for his optimism, Darcy explained Anne’s supposition that since her mother did not have the last word, it was a sign of her acquiescence.
“You bring me thin gruel, sir,” Lizzy answered, unimpressed, “but it is a better conclusion than what your cousin anticipated when he called on me.”
“Richard is in town?”
“No, not the colonel, but his brother, Lord Fitzwilliam. He paid a visit earlier in the week.”
“Good God! You did not say anything, did you? Because telling him anything is the same as releasing it for publication.”
“Of course not. That is an insulting statement, Will. Your welfare is my first concern.”
“I am sorry,” he quickly added. Knowing that she would never do anything that would endanger him, Elizabeth had a right to be insulted. “It is just that he has a way of wrapping people, especially women, around his little finger, and I can see from your expression that you were taken in by his charms.”