Fleming did not. “Well, my friend, I am glad to see you are in better spirits than the last time I saw you. If you were to actually say something, I am sure your articulation would be much improved as well.”
“Sorry, Fleming, I was woolgathering. Did I miss something? Were you truly saying something witty and intelligent for a change?”
Ellis looked at Georgiana and said, “There it is again, Miss Darcy. Did you see that smile? Why on earth is your brother so pleased with himself this evening?”
“I believe he received some joyous news this afternoon, Mr. Fleming; and perhaps … ”
Georgiana’s comment was interrupted by a scream, the shattering of china, and muffled curses. A footman was ordered to investigate; and when Disher returned, he reported there had been a bit of an accident on the way from the kitchen to the dining room. During the altercation, a tray containing the next course had, unfortunately, ended up on the floor.
Lady Anne excused herself to speak with the housekeeper and cook. When she came back, she looked pointedly at her youngest child and said, “The poor man was startled by a cravat scurrying between his feet. Anna, perhaps you should go retrieve the mischievous neckcloth before it causes further pandemonium. My apologies, everyone; but the next course will be somewhat delayed. Mrs. Burnham, however, has another dish almost ready; and it will be delivered momentarily.”
Miss Anna hurried from the room. As she searched the hallways, she was able to catch the tail end of the cravat disappearing into the drawing room. The piece of linen was unhooked from Barb Thorne’s quills, and the little hedgehog was gently deposited in Anna’s bedchamber.
When the calamity was made known to Mrs. Susan Burnham, she and her underlings immediately scrambled to improvise another dish to serve while the ingredients for the ruined course were prepared again. An efficient and thrifty cook, Mrs. Burnham was very careful with her available resources. She often poached eggs, shaved chocolate, welched on rabbits; and even her pastry was stollen. She considered her options for a moment; and then a savoury sauce of ale, mustard, and spices was quickly mixed together with melted cheese and served over toasted bread. Mrs. Burnham put the Welsh rabbit, or rarebit, on the tray; and the rattled footman was ordered to be more careful. Just as ‘toad in the hole ‘is not really a toad, Welsh rabbit contains no hare; so the kitchen workers hurried to have the meat course ready as quickly as possible.
Miss Anna returned to the dining room just as a footman was serving the rarebit. “Um, what have we here, Disher?”
“I believe it is called Welsh rabbit, Miss.”
“Rabbit! I cannot possibly eat rabbit. Oh, Mother, I wish you had permitted me to bring my rabbit, Stew. I miss Herr Stewart most desperately.”
“Anna, you cannot even keep track of Barbara Thorne’s whereabouts; and we have just suffered through the consequences of that carelessness. Calm yourself, child. The dish is meatless, and I believe its name is supposed to be ironic. Peasants were not permitted to hunt game on estates and often had to settle for cheese instead of rabbit or other meat.”
Ellis Fleming said, “Miss Anna, you really should try it. Rarebit is delicious.” He suddenly smirked at his friend. “A rare, delicious bit … DeelisheyBit … LisshyBit … Lizzabiff … shall I continue, Darcy?”
George Darcy cleared his throat. “No, thank you, Mr. Fleming. I think we all get the picture.”
“Mr. Darcy, sir, I did not … ”
“Quite all right, young man. Perhaps a change of subject would be best, though.”
For a while the diners ate in reserved silence, and the promised meat course was soon served. Ellis Fleming was a talkative sort, however; and he was rather uncomfortable with the lull in conversation. “I say, Darcy, … er, Fitzwilliam, did you ever discover why someone called you ‘hanson barberin?’”
Miss Anna choked on the sip of watered wine she had just taken. All the same, she managed to inquire, “I beg your pardon, Mr. Fleming. What did you just ask my brother?”
“Do you mean when I mentioned ‘hanson barberin?’”
When both Anna and Georgiana turned red, their brother was instantly intrigued. He narrowed his eyes and suspiciously asked, “Do you girls know a barber named Hanson?”
The sisters looked at one another, giggled, and both truthfully answered in unison, “No.”
“But you two do know something! You look so innocent that butter would not melt in your mouths. Despite that, your blushes reveal otherwise. For once and for all, what in bloody hell is the meaning of that confounding expression ‘hanson barberin?’”
“Fitzwilliam George Darcy! Watch your language while ladies are present.”
“Sorry, Father, but these two imps hold the answer to that intriguing question asked by little Robert when we dined with the Bennets recently. As you may remember, all conversation ground to a halt when that bloody, er, ruddy Lieutenant-Colonel Dun strutted in. Sisters, what, exactly, did the poppet mean when he asked me, ‘Are you Libazeth’s hanson barberin?’”
Georgiana squirmed and, if possible, turned even redder. “It has to do with Anna’s questionable choice of reading material and very vivid imagination. Since the expression’s origin is her responsibility, I should let my dearest sister explain.”
“Georgie, no!” Miss Anna was utterly mortified. “I cannot possibly.”
Lady Anne sighed and gently set down her knife and fork on her plate. “Anna Darcy, what gothic nonsense have you been reading?”
The young lady cast down her eyes and muttered, “It was not a gothic novel, Mother. It was a Viking pirate saga Miss Bingley loaned me months ago. Oh. I probably should have returned it when she was here earlier today.”
Georgiana was shocked. “Are you saying Caroline Bingley had the nerve to show up here after the scene at Harding, Howell & Co. and what she did to Elizabeth?”
Fitzwilliam’s knife and fork clashed onto his plate. “What has happened? What has Miss Bingley done to Eliz … Miss Elizabeth?”
Ellis Fleming spent the remainder of the course wishing for the lulls in conversation he usually abhorred. His friend was clearly upset by Miss Bingley’s treatment of Miss Elizabeth. All the same, Darcy was also somewhat amused that the ladies of his own family had given the nasty woman the cut direct. When the discussion on that topic closed, Fitzwilliam then brought up again the ‘hanson barberin’ subject.
“So, Anna, you were reading a trashy pirate novel; and … ?”
“Oh, fiddlesticks! Fine, brother. But I am warning you and Mr. Fleming right now … the tables are about to be turned, and you two will be the ones humiliated.”
The two young men looked at one another with alarm and thought back to all the many possibilities that could result in their humiliation. “Perhaps another time, then, Anna dearest. Let us forget all this nonsense and unpleasantness and enjoy the rest of our meal in peace,” suggested her brother.
Miss Anna was clearly annoyed. “Not so hasty, if you please. Forget about enjoying your meal in peace. You wanted to learn the meaning, so learn you shall … in piecemeal. It is not ‘hanson barberin,’ unless you are three years old and cannot pronounce the words handsome barbarian. The ‘handsome’ part was not of my making, while I am responsible for the ‘barbarian’ half. I swooned upon seeing Mr. Bingley, Richard, and the two of you that sweltering day at Pemberley. I thought four freebooters had arrived at our estate to pillage and plunder and … well, you get the picture. Shall I go into detail for Mother and Father of the shocking sight Georgie and I, not to mention our two new friends, witnessed that awful afternoon? I cannot imagine why someone in the Bennet household obviously added the word ‘handsome,’ for you were all most shamefully scruffy and inappropriately attired in front of us that day.”