Biographical
Supplements
HAGAR SHILOH Hagar returned to Tel Aviv the next morning but could not concentrate on studying for her English exam because that Saturday evening she got her period, which was accompanied by strong cramps and heavy bleeding. She preferred to think of it as an “early miscarriage” rather than as a “late period,” and her mood improved when Efrayim Mani returned from the army and their relationship resumed. Since Efrayim, who was fresh from the harsh experience of serving in Lebanon and bitter over a new stint of reserve duty already scheduled for him, did not seem eager to hear about Hagar’s visit to Jerusalem, she told him only briefly about it. Not wanting to scare him off, she did not mention her “pregnancy” either. A few weeks later, however, she became pregnant for real, although less enthusiastically than the first time and more as if in fulfillment of an obligation to Efi’s father.
When he found out that Hagar was pregnant, Efrayim was both alarmed and furious. At first he broke off with her completely. Eventually, however, on the advice of his father, who thought that Hagar was a bit strange, he agreed to acknowledge paternity.
The child, a healthy baby boy, was born in the autumn of 1983 and, despite Hagar’s mother’s objections, named Roni after her father. Although by then Hagar had successfully finished her preparatory course at the university, she did not begin her studies in the film department because her grandmother Naomi, young in spirit though she was, could not cope with a baby in the house; Hagar was a heavy sleeper, and when the child cried at night Naomi had to take care of him, which soon brought her to the verge of collapse. And so Hagar was forced to move back to the kibbutz, especially since the rehabilitation department of the defense ministry was not liberal to the point of supporting a child born out of wedlock. The best Hagar could do, after knocking on many doors, was to obtain an increase in her monthly stipend.
Efrayim Mani not unjustly felt deceived and refused to marry Hagar. He was willing to take formal (but not, as he put it, “emotional”) responsibility for the infant, and he agreed to allot a third of his salary to its support. Gavriel Mani, on the other hand, or Mr. Mani, as Hagar continued to think of him, became attached to his fatherless grandson and sometimes traveled to the Negev to see and play with him. These visits, which became more frequent when Efrayim went abroad to study in London, deepened the tie that had already developed between the child’s grandfather and grandmother.
Once her son was six, Hagar, who had felt isolated and neglected during her first years on the kibbutz, found it possible to resume her studies. In 1988 she registered for a joint major in the Jewish history and education departments of the University of Beersheba, where she was accepted without a high school diploma on the strength of her preparatory year in Tel Aviv in 1982. Today, at the age of twenty-eight, she is still not married. Despite pressure from her mother and her friends, she refuses to go for therapy or even for psychological counseling.
YA’EL SHILOH Although she sought to conceal her pleasure over the telephone, Ya’el was greatly relieved when, twenty-four hours after their conversation, she learned that Hagar was not pregnant. But Hagar, who went on seeing Efrayim Mani, was less candid with her mother when she really did become pregnant several weeks later, and by the time she broke the news to Ya’el it was too late to take medical measures.
Ya’el felt deeply hostile toward Hagar’s pregnancy, which seemed to her completely uncalled for and a source of future aggravation. She also felt sure that Hagar’s becoming pregnant was a provocative act aimed at herself. Moreover, although her progressive views compelled her to admit that it was his right, Efrayim Mani’s refusal to marry Hagar seemed a slap in the face to her. In the earlier stages of Hagar’s pregnancy she still hoped for a spontaneous abortion, but this did not materialize. When the child was born in October 1983, Ya’el was secretly pleased that Hagar did not return to the kibbutz with it and sought to continue her studies in Tel Aviv. Within a few weeks, however, once it became clear that Hagar’s seventy-five-year-old grandmother could not manage with an infant in her apartment, Hagar was forced to come back to Mash’abei Sadeh. The moment Ya’el saw her and her baby get out of the truck that had brought them from Tel Aviv after delivering avocados there, she underwent a change of heart. It was as if all at once she understood that there might be a deeper reason for the child’s existence, and from then on she did all she could to care for it and help Hagar.
Although the young father, Efrayim Mani, traveled to the Negev now and then to see his son, he was so aloof toward him and Hagar that his infrequent visits were a burden. Once, in the early spring of 1984, when Efrayim was again doing reserve duty in Lebanon, his place was taken by his father, Justice of the Peace Gavriel Mani, who wished to have a look at the grandson he had not seen since the circumcision.
Indeed, it proved to be an unusual and memorable visit, not only because of the lovely presents that the grandfather brought, but even more so, because of the warmth he displayed toward Hagar and her mother and the interest he took in their surroundings. Upon hearing, for example, that the grave of Ben-Gurion was in the kibbutz of Sdeh Boker some, twenty kilometers away, he insisted on seeing it and was accompanied by Ya’el.
Their trip there and back took longer than expected, and when they returned to the kibbutz that evening Hagar noticed a new glow in her mother’s face. As soon as Mr. Mani drove off, she demanded to know what had happened. Although taken aback, Ya’el was forced to admit that she found Roni’s grandfather quite attractive, even if he did come from an unfamiliar world.
Two weeks later Mr. Mani arrived again, dressed in black as was his custom with a thin red tie. This time he asked Ya’el to take a trip to Mitzpeh Ramon, because he wished to see the famous canyon there.
Their excursion, which was even longer than the previous one, brought them closer together. On their way back indeed, although she tried making light of it, Ya’el mustered the courage to ask the judge whether there had been any thought of suicide in his mind at the time of Hagar’s visit to Jerusalem in December 1982. While he did not seem surprised by the question, which he in fact appeared to have anticipated, Mr. Mani answered it vaguely, almost as if it concerned someone else. In practically the same breath he mentioned that Hagar’s behavior during those three days had seemed rather odd to him, although perhaps it had to do with her being in Jerusalem by herself for the first time. Once back in the kibbutz, he hurried to set out for Jerusalem and would not even stay for a cup of coffee.