He said out loud what he was thinking. “Damn, Regan.” His voice was as rough as gravel.
“Was that a good ‘damn’ or a bad one?” she panted.
He had to think about it before he answered. He lifted his head and looked into her eyes, saw the passion he’d ignited there, and felt tremendous satisfaction. And desire, he acknowledged, for a whole lot more.
“It was a good ‘damn.’ Too good.” He was picturing her naked underneath him when he added, “We should probably stop while we-”
She put her index finger over his mouth to silence him. “Or…” She dragged the word out.
He grabbed her hand and placed it flat against his chest. “Or what?” A hint of a smile softened his expression.
Don’t lose your nerve, don’t lose your nerve, she silently chanted. She took a breath and whispered, “Or we could not stop.”
His hands moved to her shoulders and even as he was shaking his head at her, he was noticing how smooth and warm and soft her skin was.
“You do know what kissing will lead to, don’t you?”
It was a stupid question, and he didn’t expect or wait for an answer. “A heap of misery, that’s what. I’m not a machine, sweetheart. I can’t just turn it on and off. You know I want you. I’m burning up with the need to-” He suddenly stopped, took a deep breath, and said, “But you also need to know that I don’t want what comes with it.”
Did he realize he was shaking her? She didn’t think so. He wasn’t hurting her. In fact, his touch was surprisingly gentle and sweet. He wanted her. He’d said those very words to her, and he couldn’t take them back. She was thrilled, and yet frustrated, because he obviously wasn’t happy about it. The look on his face was so intense and angry, and intimidating, she suddenly felt as though she’d just poked a lion.
She pushed his hands away. “Tell me, Alec, what comes with it?”
He was glaring at her now. “I’m leaving Chicago, remember? I’ve made that clear, haven’t I? I’m packing up and getting out of here. Understand that?”
“Yes, I understand.”
“Okay then.”
“Okay, what?”
Alec gritted his teeth. He guessed he was going to have to spell it out for her. “The last thing I need or want is to leave a mess behind.”
Whoa. She didn’t like hearing that. Her eyes turned a darker blue, and her face became flushed. She was angry, all right, but he wasn’t going to take the words back.
“And I’m the mess?”
He threaded his fingers through his hair to keep himself from grabbing her and kissing her until she wanted him as much as he wanted her. He shook his head. Bad plan, he told himself. He wasn’t going to give in to his desire. No way. He could be as tough as steel when he needed to, and he was always in control.
“What I’m trying to tell you is…”
“I’m a mess.”
“Okay, that’s it. I’m through trying to be diplomatic about this.”
She blinked. “Telling me I’m a mess is being diplomatic?”
“Damn right, and you are. A mess, that is. And that ‘damn’ wasn’t a good one.”
He ripped off the jacket of his tux and tossed it on the chair. “It’s hotter than hell in here.”
He began to roll up his shirtsleeves to keep his hands busy. Better to tear his clothes than hers. That skinny little nothing of a dress she was wearing was so amazingly perfect on her. He didn’t want to ruin it, but he didn’t want her wearing it with any other man either, and how could he justify that backward reasoning?
She couldn’t hold his stare long. She focused on his chin and said, “I know I put you on the spot. It’s just that this is the first time I’ve ever tried to… you know… and I’m apparently causing you extreme anxiety. I’m just not any good at it. I realize my mistake. I just didn’t put enough thought into it.”
“Into what?”
He couldn’t be that dense. No one could. Was he deliberately toying with her?
“Into what?” he repeated when she didn’t answer.
Seducing you, you idiot. That’s what she wanted to say. She didn’t, though. Some inhibitions were just too firmly entrenched to get past. Besides, Alec was right. It would become messy, and she had the feeling she’d be the one all messed up when he left.
“You’re right,” she said. “Becoming involved, even for one night, would make things… awkward.”
He didn’t look relieved. She edged around him, flipped off her heels, and continued on to the French doors. Alec had left one open when he’d checked the bedroom. She pushed the other door back and then turned around to tell him good night.
He stared at the king-sized bed for a long minute. He felt a tightness gathering in his chest, and his mouth was suddenly dry. Every possible fantasy about her bombarded him. Hell, it was already messy.
And he wasn’t going anywhere.
Chapter Thirty-five
From the moment Alec had bumped into her on the street and heard that wonderful laugh, he had become hers for the taking. He never had a chance. He understood that now. No reason to keep fighting the attraction, he decided as he pulled away from the door. He made sure everything was locked up tight, then reached over and turned the lamp off.
He was unbuttoning his shirt as he headed toward her. Light from the lamp on the bedside table spilled across her shoulders. Her skin was golden, and she was, without a doubt, absolutely breathtaking.
And nervous as hell. Her eyes were huge, but she didn’t look away. She took a step toward him and then stopped. His gaze swept down her body. He noticed her hands were clenched at her sides, and her toes were curled into the carpet as she watched him come toward her.
“Just remember,” he whispered gruffly as he reached her. “You started this.”
He pulled her close, kissed her forehead, and then let go. Regan knew he was giving her yet another chance to change her mind, one last chance perhaps to tell him to leave.
Like that was gonna happen.
Alec held his breath while he waited for her to make up her mind. She put her arms around his neck and smiled up at him with that tantalizing dimple just above the corner of her mouth. Nope, he never had a chance.
“Just you remember,” she said, “that I started this.”
She kissed his chin, then moved lower and kissed the pulse beating rapidly at the base of his neck. He must have liked what she was doing because he pulled her tight against him, and so she did it again.
And then he took over. He tilted her head back with a kiss that didn’t leave any doubt how much he wanted her. He lifted her off the ground as he ravaged her mouth.
They were suddenly frantic to get their clothes off. His hands shook as he reached for the zipper at the back of her dress. It was awkward because he couldn’t stop kissing her long enough to pay attention to what he was doing, and she was trying to remove his shirt at the same time.
She’d gotten a couple of his buttons undone, and was tugging his shirt from his waistband when she accidentally touched his gun and holster. She reacted as though she’d just touched fire. Flinching, she jerked back, but Alec was still quicker. He had her hand flat against his chest before she could pull away from him.
“Could you…” she whispered. She was trying to ask him to remove the gun but couldn’t get the words out. He was distracting her by nibbling on her earlobe. “… get rid of…”
“It’s okay,” he answered.
She sighed. Her heart was racing, and she was trying to catch her breath. Kissing had never caused such a reaction before. Granted, she hadn’t kissed all that many men, but enough to know that kissing Alec was completely different. Maybe because she was already emotionally invested. Everything about him aroused her. She needed to slow down so that she could savor every single minute of this night with him, but at the same time, she wanted him to hurry up and take his clothes off.