‘You mean you were one of the five witnesses?’
‘No. I saw a recording of it. The murder was captured on camera. That’s what makes the whole thing so terribly extraordinary.’
‘The island of Grenadin. Wasn’t that where-? It’s nothing to do with Lord Remnant, is it?’
‘It’s everything to do with Lord Remnant.’
Antonia stared back at him.
They had read Lord Remnant’s Times obituary together only a couple of days before. Antonia had idly commented on Lord Remnant’s photograph. She had said something to the effect that he looked arrogant and self-satisfied and she had taken particular exception to his wolfish smile.
‘The Times obituary said he died of a heart attack.’
‘That’s the official version. The consensus of opinion is that Lord Remnant was murdered.’
‘What consensus? Who are you talking about?’
‘My aunt. Felicity Remnant. Yours truly. We all agreed he was murdered. The whole thing is quite incredible. It starts with Felicity Remnant’s having her suspicions aroused at the crematorium,’ Payne went on. ‘She is struck by the conspiratorial behaviour of the people attending the cremation.’
‘I assume they were the very same crowd who watched as Lord Remnant handed in his dinner pail?’
‘The very same. Felicity thought they looked furtive. And then, as though in confirmation of her suspicions, she received an anonymous package containing a videotape showing Lord Remnant’s last moments.’
Payne went on to tell the rest of the story.
There was a pause.
‘Lord Remnant was shot through the back of the head by a giant rabbit,’ Antonia said.
‘Lord Remnant was shot by a person wearing a rabbit’s head, though I doubt it was a rabbit. I don’t think there are any rabbits in Shakespeare, are there?’ Payne held up his pipe. ‘Can you think of any animals at all in Shakespeare?’
‘There is a dog — Balthasar in Romeo and Juliet,’ said Antonia. ‘No — Balthasar is not a dog, but Romeo’s tragically precipitate friend. Sorry. How silly of me. I must be thinking of The Forsyte Saga — Old Jolyon and faithful Balthasar? Remember Balthasar’s death and subsequent burial?’
‘Vividly. The scene reduced me to tears. In which of Shakespeare’s tragedies does a character exit pursued by a bear?’
‘The Winter’s Tale? What has Shakespeare to do with Lord Remnant’s death?’
‘Lord Remnant died during a private performance of The Murder of Gonzago.’
‘I see. How fascinating … Hamlet’s brainwave. Hamlet was playing the detective. The play within the play. Hamlet also called it The Mousetrap … That’s where Agatha Christie got her idea.’
‘They keep thinking of ingenious ways of making Shakespeare more accessible to the masses, but there seem to be more misses than hits … Do you remember the way they did Gonzago in the David Tennant Hamlet? You hated it, didn’t you? The Player Queen! Remember the Player Queen?’
‘I most certainly do. The whole thing was terrible.’ Antonia shuddered squeamishly. ‘A veritable freak show.’
The Player King had sported monkey ears, and shuffled on boots attached to his knees. The Player Queen was a bare-breasted transvestite. Once murdered, the Player King had been shrouded in a white sheet and winched into the air where he had hovered, ghost-like. The regicide Lucianus had strutted about, wearing a heart-shaped spangled codpiece.
‘Lord Remnant’s murderer appears to have been dressed up as some long-eared creature,’ Payne said. ‘If not a rabbit, then Bottom in Midsummer Night’s Dream seems indicated, wouldn’t you say? I can’t think of any other ass in Shakespeare — can you?’
‘No. Bottom is not really an ass … Am I the only one who doesn’t find Shakespeare’s comedies funny? Who videotaped the thing?’ Antonia asked.
‘A servant, but then the camera changed hands and it was Clarissa Remnant’s aunt who took over.’
‘You said there was no sound?’
‘No, sadly. No subtitles either. It made me exercise my brains and eyes harder, which wasn’t such a bad thing.’
‘The package was addressed to Gerard Fenwick who is Lord Remnant’s brother … Any idea as to who the sender might be?’
‘Well, Clarissa’s aunt was the last to handle the camera, so the logical assumption is that she had the best chance of monkeying about with the film. This is backed up by the postmark.’ Payne frowned reflectively. ‘Her name is Hortense Tilling. Felicity says she looked particularly hag-ridden at the funeral. Well, Aunt Hortense may turn out to be one of those lonely middle-aged sensationalists who specialize in stirring up trouble for trouble’s sake — but it’s also possible that she sent the tape out of noble if somewhat muddled motives. She may be itching to spill the beans.’
‘Did you say postmark? What postmark?’
‘The Jiffy bag in which the tape was despatched bears the postmark Kensington and Chelsea and Aunt Hortense is the only member of the fatal house party who lives in Kensington. Dr Sylvester-Sale lives in Knightsbridge, the Hunters at a farm not far from Remnant Castle in Hertfordshire. Clarissa resides at Remnant Castle … As a matter of fact, I have been instructed to go and interview Aunt Hortense as soon as possible.’
‘What do you mean “instructed”? Who instructed you?’
‘The new Countess Remnant. Felicity. She wants me to investigate the circumstances surrounding her brother-in-law’s murder. She urged me to leave no stone unturned. She wants to know what exactly happened. She said that if I discovered the truth, the Damascus chest would be mine free of charge. She said she would tear up the cheque I gave her.’
‘She would tear up the cheque? How very interesting. And you accepted her commission, just like that? No hesitation?’
He shrugged. ‘One mustn’t refuse the unusual if it is offered to one. That, perhaps, should be our motto. You agree of course?’
‘It seems to me that the new Countess Remnant doesn’t care much for the family she married into,’ Antonia said. ‘Or is that too fanciful?’
‘Not too fanciful. I think she would be pleased if her husband’s family were to be embroiled in some sort of scandal. My aunt suspects the settling of old scores. Apparently, Gerard’s late mama was beastly to Felicity when Gerard and Felicity first got married. Felicity doesn’t seem to think much of Clarissa either … None of my business, but I can’t help thinking there is something wrong with the Fenwick marriage. You should have seen the way her face hardened when her husband’s club got a mention.’
‘I don’t suppose you’ve been able to obtain Aunt Hortense’s address?’
‘As it happens, I have. Felicity managed to get it for me.’ Payne waved a piece of paper. ‘Well, my love, I’m going to pay Aunt Hortense a visit tomorrow morning, at about eleven. Um … What do you think?’
‘What does it matter what I think?’
He cleared his throat. ‘I was wondering whether you’d care to join me.’
14
Sometimes my wife suffers from a fury of possession and she cannot bear me to be drawn to anyone but her, Gerard Fenwick wrote in his diary. She may not look the kind of woman who falls prey to the emerald-eyed lizard, but the sad truth is she is jealous not only of pretty young things like Renee Glover, but of our Lithuanian maid, of my Davidoff Grand Cru cigars, of my books, of my silver-topped stylo and, indeed, of my writing.
I am at my club at the moment. If I have to be honest, I prefer my club to my house. My rooms overlook St James’s Park and they are rather splendid. I feel exceedingly comfortable and at peace here.
I am at my happiest when I am writing. Writing has the effect of a heavenly balm. Writing brings with it a sense of release, of assuagement, of profound contentment.