‘Dear lady!’
‘I am convinced that God leaves us to get on with whatever cards we have been dealt, then sits back and watches us make a spectacle of ourselves … I don’t suppose you encounter such heretical thoughts often, do you? Now, tell me honestly, do you?’
‘As a matter of fact I do. More often than you imagine. I myself am not exempt. You’d never believe this, Hortense, but sometimes I question my suitability for the cloth. I catch myself wishing I were a chat-show host, a wedding singer or a champion snooker player.’
‘Vouchsafe, O Lord, to keep us this day from being found out. That’s not in the Bible, Ducky, is it?’
‘No.’ He looked at her. ‘I have always regarded you as a woman of strong nerve and sanguine temperament, but today you seem far from your usual self. I imagine you found the funeral unsettling?’
‘I did, yes. Very much so. Extremely unsettling. Not a single tear was shed for Lord Remnant. I couldn’t describe anyone among Lord Remnant’s nearest and dearest as an “inconsolable wreck” … I don’t think he was “cherished” by anyone … Heretics roast in hell, don’t they?’
‘That is the accepted theory. Ultimately, that is. Not if they undergo a change of heart while they still have the chance and ask God’s forgiveness.’ The Revd Duckworth took a sip of tea.
‘Should one fall on one’s knees when one asks forgiveness?’
‘Kneeling focuses the mind wonderfully well, though I find getting up increasingly difficult. I hope that didn’t sound too flippant? I must say the Battenberg cake looks terribly tempting … Earthly appetites are so difficult to suppress … May I? I shall restrict myself to a single slice … This is scrumptious, absolutely scrumptious,’ he said, munching.
A haunted and troubled look had settled upon her features. She clasped her hands before her. ‘Tell me, Ducky, honestly and truly, do you believe I am capable of committing a crime? No, I am serious — do you?’
‘Honestly and truly? No, I don’t. You are the last person I would associate with crime, though of course it very much depends on what you define as “crime”.’
‘I’d be extremely grateful if you tried to picture the following scenario. Something terrible is perpetrated, an act of the utmost wickedness. There are witnesses but they have been forced to keep their mouths shut. In fact the witnesses have accepted hush money. The witnesses have been too weak to refuse the bribe. Or too greedy.’
‘Are you by any chance talking about people you know?’
‘No, of course not. The whole situation is entirely hypothetical. I sometimes like to imagine that I am faced with a moral dilemma and I try to provide a solution for it. People often need money rather badly, don’t they? I don’t mean only for bills, debts and overdrafts. People have extravagant tastes. Most of mankind craves opulence and splendour. The majority of people are self-indulgent.’
‘That indeed is so,’ he agreed. ‘I must confess to a peculiar taste for sudden and isolated luxuries. I am particularly susceptible to a certain rather exclusive type of macaroon one can get only at Fortnum’s.’
‘This is a matter of life and death, Ducky. So they — these people — accept the hush money, they allow themselves to be bribed, but as a result some of them lose their peace of mind. They are unable to sleep. They feel as though they might explode. They feel alienated from their surroundings. Nothing seems to make sense any more. They start popping pills-’ Hortense broke off. ‘I am sure I am putting things rather badly, but I hope you get the picture? The point, Ducky, is that the victim deserved to die.’
The Revd Duckworth blinked. ‘Is there — was there — a victim?’
Hortense Tilling’s gently wrinkled face was quite flushed now. ‘The victim didn’t possess a single redeeming feature. The Don Giovanni aria got it all wrong!’
‘What aria?’
‘La nobilta ha dipinta negli occhi l’onesta.’
‘The nobility — um — has honour painted in their eyes?’
‘Honesty. The nobility has honesty painted in their eyes. Well, Ducky, this particular nobleman was far from honest. He was devious. He led a life of decadence and depravity. He was arrogant, egocentric and cruel. He talked of selling his soul to the Devil!’
‘I can’t help the feeling,’ the Revd Duckworth said slowly, ‘that you are talking of someone you know.’
‘He enjoyed upsetting people. He liked to say hurtful things, awful things. He had an extremely nasty sense of humour. He was an unregenerate bully. He was a mental sadist.’ She had started talking very fast. ‘He got kicks out of seeing people in tears — especially women. He had a thing about women. Not a nice thing. He treated women very badly indeed. Both wittingly and unwittingly.’
‘Dear me!’
‘One particularly outrageous act he committed unwittingly. However, it is my conviction that even if he had realized the enormity of what he was about to do, he would still have done it. He was that kind of man, yes. Therefore he deserved to die.’
‘Who’s this person? A nobleman, did you say? My dear Hortense, you are not by any chance talking about-’
‘No!’ She reached out and covered his mouth with her hand. ‘Not another word, Ducky! No, don’t speak! Please, no! No more questions. Toute verite n’est pas bonne a dire. But one thing I will say. The murder was entirely justified. This particular murderer does not deserve punishment. I assure you this particular murderer did the right thing.’
Tears had sprung in her eyes. She sniffed. She glanced up, at Stephan Farrar’s photograph.
How terrible not to be able to tell the truth!
4
So that’s that, Louise Hunter thought. It’s all over. No one will ever know now. What a relief. Thank God for cremations. Obliteration of all the vital evidence. Of all evidence. Reduced to cinders, ashes, amen. Unless someone broke down and confessed, the truth would never be known.
I can’t believe we agreed to it, she thought.
They had let Clarissa persuade them. Basil hadn’t hesitated a moment. He’d said yes to her proposition at once. Yes, yes and yes again. Basil was in thrall to Clarissa.
Louise had dreaded hearing a voice calling the proceedings to a halt, commanding the coffin be pulled back and opened. Some plain-clothes policeman showing his badge and asking them all to leave the crematorium and stand outside while they checked Lord Remnant’s body.
Augustine had been the only servant there when Lord Remnant had been killed, but he might have told the other two — what were those two noisy black women called? Caresse and Sandra Dee. Both of them seemed to be married to Augustine. The three of them seemed to live together. Trios like that appeared to be common enough on the island of Grenadin. A legacy from the long years of slavery, no doubt.
Lord Remnant’s body had been taken away very fast. Basil and Dr Sylvester-Sale had carried him to his bedroom upstairs. Augustine had been talking about ‘the Master having a fit’. It had taken him some time to realize his master was dead, or that was the impression he had given. He had then broken down and cried like a child.
Louise was relieved to be back in England, but at the moment her mind was enshrouded in profound depression. She looked out of the window — at the dreary grey skies that presaged rain. Basil had insisted on taking the dogs out. He said he needed fresh air. The real reason, of course, was that he didn’t want to be with her.
The night before, she had decided to sleep with her feet away from the wardrobe since she had become convinced that the late Lord Remnant would emerge from the wardrobe, stretch out his hands and drag her in — back into hell, with him. She’d got it into her head that the wardrobe was in fact the gateway to hell.