“Still doesn’t make it your fault. This isn’t about you picking a bad guy. There’s something bigger going on.”
“Maybe he wasn’t a bad guy, but he was definitely the wrong guy. And, Brooklyn, I brought a guy I didn’t even know into my home.” Her laugh was short and desperate. “My home? I brought him into my bed! What the hell was I thinking?”
“You were thinking that he was cute and fun and sexy and charming and-”
“I should have been smarter about it.”
“I’ll agree with you there. Did you use protection?”
“Of course! I’m not that stupid.”
“Then what else are we supposed to do? Should we have guys fill out questionnaires before we go out with them? Once in a while we meet a nice guy and we take a chance, that’s all.”
She nodded, gripped her latte with both hands, and sipped. “I… I was tired. Jet-lagged. I’d just spent three days with my mother. She makes me crazy, makes me feel… you know, inferior, somehow. She fills a room until there’s no air left for me to breathe. So I guess when some good-looking guy expressed some interest in me, I just… grabbed that attention with both hands, you know?”
I touched her arm. “I know. You can’t keep dwelling on this or you really will go crazy. So please stop beating yourself up over it.”
She rolled her eyes, then smiled tightly. “Okay, I’ll stop.”
“Promise.”
“I promise.”
“Good.”
She sighed. “Thank you.”
“I’m not sure why, but you’re welcome.”
“Just for hanging in there with me.” She stared down at her latte as if looking into the past. At that night. She shivered.
“Come on, let’s go back,” I said. “It’s cold out here.”
She stood and zipped up her jacket. “It’s springtime in San Francisco. Of course it’s cold.”
As we strolled up Brannan, I pointed out the new and elegant tower of condos being constructed one block south of us. I wasn’t happy with the high-rise aspect, but any construction was a good sign that the neighborhood was once again vibrant after a year or two of economic uncertainty.
“This is a great area,” Robin said, gazing around.
“Yeah, I was so lucky to find my loft. I really love it around here.”
I lived on the south edge of SoMa, or South of Market, close to Giants Stadium (which my dad loved), with a view of the bay. Yes, you could turn a corner and see the random blighted, burned-out factory or deserted housing project, but that was true of most neighborhoods in the country these days. I tended to avoid those dodgy blocks and stuck close to the fun parts. Overall, this was a lively, happening area. And it was freewayclose to everything else in the Bay Area.
“Maybe I should think about moving over here,” Robin said.
“That would be great,” I said, excited at the thought of her living even closer to me. “We could have so much fun. But, Robin, that’s not something you need to think about right now.”
“I know.” She shivered from the breeze that seemed to be blowing straight off the bay and right up Brannan. “Especially if this street is always a wind tunnel like it is today.”
“Not always, but it’s definitely cold today. Let’s run.”
We scurried up the block, wrapping our arms around ourselves to keep warm.
“Hey,” I said as we slowed down, passing one of my favorite neighborhood Thai restaurants. “We should take you shopping later.”
She eyed me. “You hate shopping.”
“But you need clothes to wear.”
“True. We’ll go someplace cheap and get some sweats. It’s not like I have anything to dress up for.”
“That works for me.”
She made a face. “I guess I should try to find out when I can move back to my place.” She didn’t sound happy at the idea, and who could blame her? On the other hand, she did have to reclaim her home or she’d never feel safe anywhere again. Not that I would ever push her to leave.
“We can call the police when we get home,” I said. “But you know you can stay with me as long as you want.”
“Thanks, but I’m starting to feel like a third wheel.”
“No, you’re not.”
She smiled. “It would be different if you and Derek were an old married couple, but you’ve just begun a new relationship. My being there has got to be cutting into your personal romance time.”
“Not so much,” I said, grinning. “You don’t need to worry about us. We’re doing just fine.”
She glanced at me sideways and wiggled her eyebrows. “Really? Care to share the details?”
I refused to blush. “No. But much to my surprise, everything’s going really well with us.”
“Good. You deserve a wonderful man in your life.”
“Yes, I do,” I said, laughing.
“But still, I shouldn’t stay there much longer.”
“You’re going to make me mad if you keep saying that.”
“Okay, I’ll shut up.”
“If you really don’t want to stay with me, we could drive you up to Dharma for a few days.”
She looked puzzled at the suggestion. “If I want to go to Dharma, I can jump in my car and go.”
“Yeah, but this way, we could keep you company. It might be hard to drive all that way alone.” Truthfully, I was afraid a long drive like that would give Robin too much time to focus on the nightmare of what had happened and to start punishing herself again. “We can drive you up, stay for dinner, then drive back. You can give us a call anytime and we’ll come pick you up.”
“Listen to you, saying ‘us’ and ‘we.’ It’s very cute.”
Now I was blushing, but I ignored the sensation. “So, what do you say?”
“I wouldn’t have my car,” she argued. “It would be weird.”
“You know you can borrow anyone’s car up there.” I waved the thought away, realizing that Robin would never go for it. She liked to be in charge of her comings and goings, hated borrowing anything. It was a matter of control, and I could totally relate. Being stranded in Dharma at the whim of whoever was in charge of picking her up would make her nuts.
“Never mind,” I said. “It was a silly idea. You’re too independent to want to be anywhere without your own car. I’d feel the same way.”
“Thanks for the offer, though.”
“You’re welcome.” We stopped at the light at Third Street and an idea occurred to me. “But if you did go up there for a few days, I could take care of getting your apartment cleaned up for you. You could relax, get a massage, hang out with friends, then come back to a sparkling clean apartment. What do you think?”
She didn’t say anything, but her lips were twisted in thought. Finally she looked at me. “I would hate to leave that up to you.”
“You’d really hate it, or you’d just feel bad about it?”
“I’d feel really bad about it.”
“Okay, then it’s settled.” I nodded. “I’ll take care of it.”
“That’s crazy. You don’t have time to do that for me.”
I met her gaze. “Do you trust me?”
Scowling, she muttered, “I guess.”
I laughed. “And would you do it for me?”
“Of course.” She didn’t have to think about it.
“There you go.”
The light changed and we crossed Third just as a woman on the other side of the street began screaming in some foreign language I couldn’t name. I didn’t think much of it, as I’d become inured to the occasional deranged rantings of homeless people as they walked down the street. But curiosity won out, and Robin and I turned to see what the problem was.
The dark-haired woman was young and fairly attractive in jeans and a camel jacket. She didn’t appear to be hurt, just livid. She pointed with urgency in our direction as she continued screeching. Looking both ways up and down Brannan, she caught a break in traffic and started running across the street.
“Jeez,” Robin muttered, glancing around. “She’s ready to kill someone.”