He nodded, taking it all in. ‘She’ll be in heaven, won’t she?’
I hesitated. We are told that few people go straight to heaven, the majority having to spend several ages in purgatory while their sins are cleansed so that they are fit to go before God. I am not at all sure I believe it. In any case, it was scarcely what this grieving man wanted to hear. ‘She was good,’ I said gently. ‘I don’t think she had any mortal sins staining her soul.’
Strictly speaking, Ida had been guilty of fornication, for she was pregnant and not married. I studied Alberic closely. If it had been he who’d fathered her child then he’d know all about the fornication and he would surely not have been sufficiently naive to suggest she’d already be in heaven.
I reckoned I had nothing to lose by a direct question. I said, ‘Alberic, were you her lover?’
His head shot up, and he fixed me with such a piercing stare that I flinched. I saw several emotions flash across his face, fury and raw grief the main ones. He seemed about to speak — I could imagine the torrent of heated words that would probably have emerged — but then he shook his head and turned away. After a moment he turned back to face me and said calmly, ‘No, I was not. As I told you, I loved and respected Ida far too much to dishonour her by initiating intimacy when I could not be united with her in the eyes of God and his church. In addition — ’ for the first time there was the hint of a smile, albeit a rather grim one — ‘you didn’t know my wife.’ In a flash of memory I recalled the man in Brandon, who’d told Sibert and me how this same wife had tried to burn Alberic’s harp just because she thought he’d looked at a pretty girl.
‘I assure you,’ Alberic went on, ‘if I’d as much as taken Ida’s hand, Thecla would have known. She knew I was sweet on my lovely girl — I couldn’t help that. A man can’t always be watching his expression, and I only had to look at Ida and I’d feel myself smile. Thecla informed me in no uncertain terms that if ever I did more than look, she’d — well, I’m not going to tell you.’ I noticed that he was stroking his fingers along a deep scar that ran across the back of his right wrist. It looked as if someone had tried to cut his hand off.
And he was a harpist.
Horrified, I said, ‘She threatened she’d cut your hands off. Didn’t she? And at least once she did more than threaten.’
Slowly, he nodded. ‘I’d just got back from the fair. There had been music, and I’d been playing and singing. Ida joined in a duet with me on one of the old songs. Although I say it myself, we sounded good together. Thecla must have seen how I looked at her. When I came indoors, she was waiting with the axe. She swung it at me before I knew what was happening.’ He glanced down at his scarred hand. ‘Couldn’t play for two months,’ he added, his tone devoid of emotion.
I was so full of pity for him that I dared not speak. I watched him. He was stroking the earth again, his large hand tender in its touch. ‘My little Ida,’ he murmured. ‘She used to sing like a nightingale.’ Then he crossed his arms on the grave, bowed his head and began to weep.
Tears filling my own eyes, I crept away.
ELEVEN
I said to my aunt as we ate our midday meal, ‘I do not believe Alberic fathered Ida’s baby,’ and I told her about Thecla and the axe.
Edild nodded, chewing thoughtfully. I had been all ready to back up my belief, but I wasn’t required to. Feeling a little warm glow inside that she should trust my judgement in something so important, I waited to see what she would say.
‘Could it have been Derman?’ she mused.
‘Shall I go and ask Zarina?’ I was crouched ready to spring up immediately if Edild said yes, but, with a soft laugh, she pushed me down again.
‘Oh, Lassair, don’t be so impatient!’ She smiled affectionately at me. ‘It’s not really your fault,’ she added, ‘too much of quicksilver Mercury in your stars. What would you do? Rush round to Zarina’s house and blurt out, Hello, Zarina, I’ve come to ask if your brother is capable of sexual intercourse and if he might have made Ida pregnant?’
Since I’d thought no further than that, I hung my head in embarrassment. Edild took pity on me and, reaching for my hand, she took it in hers and said, ‘It is something that we do need to find out, although we must be very tactful, as I am sure you very well know.’
She had given me time to think, and now I said, ‘The difficulty is that nobody except us seems to have known that Ida was pregnant, so we’ll have to raise the matter with Zarina without making her suspicious.’ An idea was taking shape in my mind; Edild waited patiently. Then, thinking as I spoke, I said, ‘I could say that I realized Derman had taken a fancy to Ida. Then I could say that maybe he’d imagined marrying her, and that grief because she’s dead, and his dream will never come true, is the reason he’s run away.’ I met my aunt’s eyes. ‘Do you think that might do? It would be sort of like asking if Derman could be a proper husband, if he can-’ I stopped, embarrassed all over again.
‘Lassair, you are a healer, and you must accustom yourself to speaking of sexual intimacy between man and woman without this silly awkwardness,’ she said briskly. ‘However, I think your suggestion is sound.’
I leapt up. ‘I’ll go straight away!’
‘Be careful,’ she warned. ‘Zarina is in turmoil.’
Turmoil. Poor Zarina.
I found her down at the little pool where she and her washerwoman widow spend much of their day. She was alone. Looking up, she saw me approaching and smiled, her eyes bright. Then, apparently reading my expression, her face fell and she said, ‘No news.’
She’d thought I’d come to tell her they’d found Derman. I sank down beside her and took her hand. ‘No. I’m sorry, that’s not why I’m here.’
She had slumped against me but now, with a detectable effort, she straightened her back. ‘Why, then?’
I sensed her slight hostility. ‘Not to harangue you again about marrying Haward,’ I said, and was rewarded with a fleeting grin. ‘It is about Derman. I just wondered, Zarina — ’ I paused, choosing my words — ‘d’you think he hoped to make Ida his wife, and that his grief because he never had the chance to do so is why he’s run away?’
She looked up into the clear sky for a moment, her face working as she strove for control. Then she said, ‘It is a moving thought, Lassair, and it is indeed true that he loved her very dearly. But — ’ now it was her turn to search for the right words — ‘he is not as other men, as indeed you are aware, and he does not begin to comprehend the true nature of how a man and wife live in physical intimacy together. He-’ She paused, frowning. Then she said, ‘Think of him as if he were still a child, who observes a cat with her kittens or a hound with her pups and is filled with joy at the pretty young creatures, yet has no more idea of how they came to be there than if they’d appeared by magic.’
‘So he-’
‘He adored her from afar, Lassair,’ Zarina said gently. ‘He saw a lovely smile, long, shining hair, dimpled cheeks. He probably sensed a kindly heart and ready laughter. That was what he loved. I can assure you, the idea of touching her, of any sort of physical closeness between them, is just not possible.’
I studied her. Was she right, or was she telling me what she fervently hoped was the truth? Derman might still have been overcome with longing — he had the body of a man, that was clear to see — and he could have attacked Ida, raped her, impregnated her. Oh, but she’d conceived back in February or March, weeks before she’d come to Aelf Fen. It was, I supposed, possible that Derman had come across her when she had lived in Brandon — he did sometimes go off wandering, although it was a long walk to Brandon — but if he’d assaulted her then, surely she’d have accused him at the time? For sure, once she’d arrived at Lakehall and seen him, she’d have cried out against him and fled from his presence. She certainly wouldn’t have been kind to him.