Terry rises and points at her.
– We’re all responsible for our own actions, Joe, I do believe that, but I have to say, I don’t know, but I have to say, in my opinion, and this is regressive, in my own opinion, this is your fault.
He sits.
– Though Lydia may disagree with me on that interpretation.
I can only assume that Lydia won’t be saving my life this go-around.
Shame.
Especially seeing as I’d been kind of banking on setting her and Terry against each other and using the fireworks as cover to get what I wanted. Old dog needs new tricks. I’d put an ad in the paper, but I don’t have time.
Time.
Shit.
Time.
– Remember that time, Joe, when I asked you to, this is many years in the wayback machine I’m talking about, I asked you to take care of Selby Lovelorn? Do you remember Selby?
I shrug.
– His name was Lovelorn, Terry, how’s a man forget something like that?
– Sure, yeah, yeah, right. So, I asked you to deal with him because, and memory is subjective, but I remember it was because he’d been warned a few times to stop mooning around that Goth club on Houston, stop hanging out there with the blood-letting crowd. He was getting too cocky about it is what I remember. Dropping too many hints to those kids that he was the real thing. Der Vampir, and all that crap. Do you remember?
– Yeah, I got it.
– And you, I don’t know, took it lightly because, I don’t know, because you did. Things were, this was right before you left the Society is what I remember, and you and me, we were having, communication was not at its clearest for us. Lots of information flying over each other’s heads. Missed cues about the disrepair of the relationship. So what I’d intended was, I’d hoped what was clear was that Selby was a terminal. And you, Joe, you gave me, you were sullen at the time. It was, I felt like I had a teenager, I mean a real teenager on my hands. You still looked like a kid, but you were old enough to, age does not always bring wisdom, but you were old enough to have grown up a little. At least. And I got all that, yeah, no, yeah, no stuff from you all the time. So you go out to visit Selby. To fulfill your roll within the Society, use your natural skill at the best of your ability for the betterment of all. And what did you do? Do you remember this part?
I remember. But I keep it to myself.
Terry illuminates everyone else.
– You, he, Joe there, what he did was, he went and talked to Selby Lovelorn. He told him he was on, what you told me was, you said to him he was on thin ice and he needed to lay low.
He shakes his head.
– Joe Pitt talked to someone. Explained they had a problem. Cautioned him to be mellow.
He rubs his nose.
– Do you, do you remember what happened next, Joe? So what happened next was that Selby Lovelorn, prince of the Goth scene, he went right back out that night and, I don’t know, figuring that the heat was on, he went for broke. This girl, this blood-letter, she nicked herself with a razor, offered a little dribble to him, thinking, I don’t know, thinking it would lead to some kind of transcendent sexual experience. And Selby, he latched on. And he wouldn’t let go. And he started chewing into her arm. And she started screaming. And this was all happening in the lounge at that damn club.
He presses his palms together.
– And I had to deal with it. Which, in and of itself, that should be no big deal. I’ve never been above getting my hands dirty. But at the time this was happening, I was establishing my face in the uninfected community, trying to integrate with the local activist culture. Very subtle moves were happening. So to break cover, to step out and deal with a major publicity fiasco like that, it upset the tone of what I’d been saying elsewhere. It was. Joe.
He splits his palms and shows them to me.
– It was a real fuckup.
He closes his hands into fists.
– And what I come back around to when I reflect on that incident, what I come back around to, and generally I avoid this kind of self-recrimination because, you know, what’s the point, but what I came back around to is asking myself why I didn’t do what I’d expected you to do?
He holds up one fist.
– And I don’t mean Selby Lovelorn. I handled him with a great amount of discretion and permanence. What I mean is. It’s this.
He holds up the other fist.
– You, Joe. What I mean is, if Selby had crossed a line and needed to be let out of his obligations to this world, well, man, then hadn’t you done the same? Didn’t I owe it to the Society to remove a man who’d chosen to disregard the greater good for the sake of his own sensibilities? A man who, with every day it became increasingly clear, a man who was turning his back on our philosophy. Didn’t I have a responsibility to, I don’t know, to put that man out of the sphere where he could do us the most harm? With what you knew about the Society, I think, from where I am now, I think I lost an opportunity there. Blew a chance to make things run smoother. If I’d just fucking killed you then.
I nod.
– We all have regrets.
He unballs his fists.
– Yes, we do.
He looks at Lydia, still bundled on the floor, her eyes trying to find a way to burn holes in his face.
– Speaking of regrets.
He rubs his forehead.
– I seem to have been rash. Letting my anger get the better of me. I should have, like the book says, I should have stepped aside when Lydia charged in here and accused me of withholding, what was it, withholding knowledge of crimes against humanity. But that kind of thing gets under my skin. Always has. If I’d waited a moment before telling Hurley to, you know, calm her down, Lydia might have mentioned that her Bulls were nearby and waiting for her to come back out.
He taps a finger on the book.
– A little too late, I threw the coins on that one.
He gets up from his thrift store bargain table.
– They had recognized you, Joe, they would have probably grabbed you off the sidewalk. Just for, you know, being you. I’m guessing they made some socioeconomic assumptions based on your appearance and didn’t think to move till you were already on the doorstep. But you’ll be the last one in.
He points up.
– We have, I don’t know, we have a few dozen partisans in here. Some clerical staff. A couple members in hospice, dealing with the shock of recent infection. And the old school. Us. Lydia’s Bulls have the front covered. We have the alley, but they have the rooftop behind us. It’s a stalemate scenario.
He circles the table and leans his hip against it.
– How long, if you were to make a guess, how long would this kind of dissent take to travel uptown? I’m talking about the awareness of it, not the dissent itself. Which would make no sense at all.
I scratch my knee.
– Things were normal, maybe a day before word got out. Way things are now, word is already on its way.
– Yeah, that’s my thought.
He looks down at Lydia again.
– And when Predo hears we’re all tied up here, and that’s not meant at your expense, Lydia, he’ll jump. Move his people down. You know, the Coalition owns property here. They hold leases. So, while we’re fighting with ourselves, he’ll literally bus his people down and put them in those properties. By the time we can, if we can, come to terms, we’ll have at least two hundred Coalition members housed on our turf. That’s if he doesn’t just come at us here. Attack Lydia’s Bulls from the rear while they’re focused on us, and then. It’s all so. Things just. I’m.
He takes off his glasses and covers his eyes.
– I’m at something of a loss.