Sometimes, when I look into his eyes, I see the same eighteen-year-old that I fell in love with. Even with our years apart, my love for him hasn’t subsided. It will always be there because we share a son. It’s there because he’s my soul mate. Whether we’re together or not, I’ll always love him.
“Dinner sounds perfect. I’ll stop by the store on the way home.”
He kisses the tip of my nose before kissing my lips. I melt into him, not caring about the people around us. I’m happy and in love with this man and we’re about to have a baby, another son. I want everyone to share in our joy.
“I love you, Jojo,” he says with a wink as he walks away. My eyes fall to his backside as I watch the swagger in his hips. No wonder he’s so good at his job – just staring at his ass makes me turn to goo.
“You’re one lucky lady.” I turn and smile at the white haired older lady sitting near me. “I had that once in my life, but he’s been gone for some time. Do you suppose you find that kind of love again?”
My eyes go from her to the door and back again. “Yes,” I say truthfully. “I lost him once, a long time ago.” Those are my parting words as I walk out of the doctor’s office and head to the nursery.
My doctor’s office is in a wing off of the hospital. It’s super convenient when you’re convinced that you’re having Braxton Hicks contractions but are really in labor and your doctor needs to send you to Labor & Delivery. That was me with Noah. I didn’t want to believe that the time had come, or that Liam wasn’t going to be there. I thought for sure he’d call once I left him a message with his agent’s office. I was wrong, but still held out hope.
The halls are busy as people come and go from different departments. I know a few of the nurses and we say hello as we pass each other. When I arrive at the nursery window, I’m elated to see the babies in their hospital bassinets. The mix of blue and pink reminds me of the last time I was here when Eden was born.
When I was with Nick, I never thought about having another child. Somewhere deep in my mind I felt it’d be wrong and that I’d be moving on. I was never fair to Nick and our relationship. He was easy and convenient. He gave me so many missing pieces from my life and would’ve completed me if I had allowed him to. As I look back at that time in my life, I realize how selfish I was by stringing him along. I wouldn’t change the way he is with Noah, though, because Noah needed Nick more than I did.
I wave at Diane, the Labor & Delivery nurse working in the nursery room. She smiles and leaves the room, meeting me by the window.
“No flower deliveries today?” Diane was my nurse when I had Noah and we’ve maintained a friendship ever since. I give her a quick hug and turn back to the babies.
“I took the day off. Liam and I had the sonogram today.” I beam, recalling his expression when he found out we’re having a son.
“Is Liam excited?”
“He is. I know he hates himself for missing all of this with Noah. He’s trying to make up for everything even though it wasn’t his fault.”
A baby starts to cry, and that’s Diane’s cue to go back to work. “Let’s get coffee soon,” she says as she walks away. Once she’s back behind the glass, she picks up a little girl and holds her to her chest. I had hoped that this time around we’d have a girl, but a boy makes the numbers even. Peyton, Elle and Eden will dote on him, likely putting ribbons in his hair which is something I can’t wait to see.
“Baby stalking?”
I jump at the sound of Nick’s voice, but am happy to see him. “What are you doing here?” I ask, even though I know he’s working.
“Just checking on my littlest patients. You?”
“Sonogram day,” I say excitedly.
“And?” His eyes are bright, awaiting my answer. I look around and see a few of the other nurses watching me. I didn’t tell Diane what we’re having, but I’ll tell Nick. Just not here, not with how fast they’ll put our news on social media.
“Do you have time for lunch?”
“I do. Shall we enjoy the fine dining of the hospital cafeteria?” Nick asks as he holds his arm out for me.
“We shall,” I reply, taking his arm.
To people on the outside Nick and I shouldn’t be talking, let alone touching. They’ll gossip and start stupid rumors that Liam and I will ignore. For one, Nick is happily married to Aubrey whom I consider one of my best friends and two, Liam and Nick are friends… well, sort of. Best friends they’ll never be, but Liam knows he owes Nick for the years he raised Noah. Nick and Aubrey are a part of our family.
The cafeteria is almost empty since we just missed the lunchtime rush. Nick hands me a tray and we go through the line. I’m not a fan of the food, but I am fan of their desserts. I grab a piece of pie and head to the ice cream machine, adding some vanilla ice cream to the top.
“I said lunch,” Nick says as we meet at the register.
“I know, but I couldn’t pass up the apple pie and ice cream.”
Nick shakes his head as he pays for our lunches, greeting a few colleagues as we walk toward the window.
“So, how was your appointment?”
“It was amazing and Liam was… I don’t know, Nick, I can’t explain it. Like a kid in a candy store. His eyes were so expressive.”
“That’s great, Josie. Did you find out what you’re having?”
“Yes!” I squeal. “A boy,” I say low enough for only him to hear.
“Another football player?”
I shrug. “I don’t know; will you still be coaching in another six years or so?” We both laugh.
“I could be.” He winks, and it takes a minute before I catch on.
“No way! Is Aubrey…?” Nick is nodding before I can finish my question. I stand and reach over the table, giving him a hug. “Oh Nick, I’m so happy for you.”
“Thank you. We’re happy, too.”
“This is such an amazing day and I have Aubrey to thank for it. If she hadn’t met Meredith, Liam and I wouldn’t be adopting her little boy,” I pause and think back to our appointment today. “She’s so disinterested in everything. She wore headphones and played on her phone during the sonogram. You know I understand why she did that, but she won’t even let me buy her clothes or anything.”
Nick reaches across the table and holds my hand. “Meredith is lucky to have you and Liam.”
I smile. “I don’t have much time to get everything ready though. She’s due in a couple of weeks.”
Nick laughs and puts his napkin on the table, having finished his sandwich. I look down at my pie, which is now swimming in ice cream soup. “Sounds like the ladies will be shopping soon and the guys will be painting a nursery.”
I beam and clap my hands. “I’ll make sure Liam knows you’ll help!”
“H ello?” I call out, dropping my keys on the table by the door. Josie hates that I leave my keys here, but I can’t seem to get it through my head that I need to walk down the hall and hang them on the board. I call out again, but there’s no answer. Josie called me earlier, asking if I’d come home. I’d been down at Xander’s gym, working out with him and just shooting the shit.
This isn’t the first time she’s called me and asked me to come home. We’ve been trying to conceive and her doctor has put us on a sex schedule. Aside from being with my girl, being told when I can have sex with her is getting annoying. It’s all about her body temperature and ovulation chart. I should have that chart memorized by now considering it hangs in our bathroom. I can feel it mocking the fact that I haven’t been able to knock her up yet every time I look in the mirror.
“Josie,” I call out, as I start climbing the stairs. I pull my shirt off and throw it over my shoulder before moving my hand to my belt buckle. As much as I love my girl, the lack of emotion there is between us when we’re together lately is really starting to bother me. I’ll never pass up a chance to be with Jojo, but our lives have become more about calculations and less about feelings.