“God, Josie, I’m going to fucking blow.”
I want him to know I’m there with him, ready and waiting. I grab his ass and push him into me. He grunts, slamming harder until he stills, dropping my leg immediately. It aches, but I welcome the pain.
“Holy fuck,” he says as his lips move over my skin until he’s reached my lips. “We haven’t done that in a long time.”
My fingers run up and down his back as he lies on top of me. I don’t want him to move, but we need to clean up. He pulls out, moving just off to the side, leaving our legs intertwined.
“Thank you for letting me have my fantasy.”
He scoffs. “You know I’ll do anything for you, but there are times when I worry. I don’t want you to think I want that lifestyle back.”
“I don’t,” I say as I kiss his forehead.
“Good,” he sighs, “Because there’s something I need to tell you.”
There have been many times in my life when my mouth has gotten the best of me. Case in point: I just made love to my wife and the first ridiculous thing I have to say is that I need to tell her something. This, of course, is after I tell her that I don’t want my rocker lifestyle back, which isn’t exactly true. The booze, women and long nights isn’t something I crave, but the scene is. I miss being surrounded by the music, the artists and the vibe that Los Angeles has to offer. It’s not something I can explain, or even delve into. It’s an itch, a longing.
Resting on my hand, I brush the sweat-laden hair away from Josie’s face. Everyone changes over the years, except my wife. Realistically, I know she has, but in my eyes I still see the girl I fell in love with so many years ago. Her love for me has never wavered, even when I didn’t deserve it. That’s what I keep telling myself as I’m looking into her soulful blue eyes, preparing myself for the anger and hurt, but hoping for acceptance and encouragement.
“Let’s take a bath,” I tell her, losing the nerve I’ve been trying to build up. She doesn’t balk nor does she agree as I jump out of the bed and walk into the bathroom. I turn on the water, letting the loud vibration of the tub filling drown out my thoughts.
Josie’s fingers thread through the back of my hair. I’m in need of a cut, something I’ve been putting off because of our baby-making schedule. She comes to stand in front of me and images of taking her again run rampant through my mind. I kiss her softly and hold her face to mine. When I pull back, I see nothing but confusion and fear. Guiding her into the water, I maneuver my girl so she’s between my legs. My fingers dip into the water and I let them dangle above her as the warm water drips onto her skin.
Taking a deep breath, I ready myself. “When my grandmother introduced me to Harrison, he was the drummer of a house band for a bar called Metro. He took me there, and that’s where I got my start. It’s where my grandfather got his start too.”
I pause and remember the day I met Harrison at my grandmother’s party. He had a beanie on his head even back then. “Trixie, the owner, she was this spitfire of a woman. Agents flocked to her bar to sign the next big act.”
“Is that where you met Sam?”
I stiffen at the sound of Sam’s name coming off Josie’s lips. Sam has caused so much damage and continues to do so even though she’s no longer here. “And JD,” I say, avoiding the thought of Sam as long as I can. “Did I ever tell you that my grandmother was our groupie?”
Josie shakes her head. “You’ve never really discussed her.”
“I should. I wish you could’ve met her.”
She turns slightly in my arms. “Things could’ve been different.” I kiss her again. I know the kind of different she would’ve wanted, and it doesn’t match mine. “Why are you telling me this?”
Wrapping my arms around her, I rest my chin on her shoulder. It’ll be easier to say what I have to without seeing her face. The question is, what comes first? The fact that I want to go to L.A. and help out Metro and possibly revive the career of 4225 West or do I tell her about the book. Both will, no doubt, cause an issue.
“I need to take the band back to L.A.,” I say quickly. Once I start talking I can’t stop. “We’re struggling here and losing the fan base we’ve built. The money, the songs, and the exposure we need – we aren’t getting that recording in the basement and I can’t do that to Harrison and JD. Metro is going under and Harrison and JD want us to go back for the benefit concert. I know it’s bad timing with the baby coming, but…
“There’s something else,” I say as I take a deep breath. “A journalist wrote a tell-all book about me. I don’t know what’s in it, but she somehow got a hold of Sam’s diaries, or whatever, and used those.”
I close my eyes tightly as I wait. Waiting for what, I don’t know. The yelling. The punching. The look. I know there’s some cracked ass saying about how everything happens for a reason, but I don’t believe that shit. Mason didn’t have to die for me to come back. I would’ve… eventually. Metro doesn’t need to be closing for me to go back to Los Angeles... we have to or we need to hang it up. The band, as of right now, is not viable. We’re not making money and even though I’ve invested well that doesn’t mean the money will always be there.
Josie pulls away from me. Her movements are slow and methodical. I know I’ve fucked up, and the timing is the worst possible. She steps out of the tub, leaving me cold and shivering, and steps out of the bathroom not even pausing to tie her robe. I pull the plug on the tub and step out, wrapping myself in a towel until I pull on a pair of lounge pants.
My wife stands on our balcony which overlooks our backyard. I encase her with my arms, clutching the railing in front of us. I refuse to let her keep things bottled up. She becomes me when she does that and we don’t need two of me in this house. Nothing good comes from holding in the anger.
“Talk to me.”
“I don’t know what to say,” she whispers into the night air.
“Yell at me then.”
She shakes her head. The last fight we had as a couple was the night of graduation. I wanted to quit it all right then and there, give up on everything and just disappear. Nothing, at the time, could compare to not having my parents at graduation. That was the lowest of the lows and yet I remained in their house because I didn’t have any other place to go. Sure, I could’ve gone to Mason’s, but I never wanted to intrude on anyone. I was my own problem to deal with.
“Why now, Liam?” she sniffles in between her words, stabbing me square in my heart.
“I know the timing sucks, Jojo, and I wish I could change it, but I owe it to Trixie to help save her club. I’m where I’m at in life because of the opportunities she gave me.”
Josie turns and faces me. Her eyes are red and her cheeks tear stained. “I don’t owe her anything.”
I frown. “Josie…”
“No, don’t. You got to say your peace and now I get to say mine. For ten years you were gone and you haven’t been all that forthcoming about your life, which I get; you don’t want to upset me, but I am upset because you’re leaving and I can’t stop you. You may be Liam Westbury in here.” She points to my head. “But in your heart, you’re Liam Page. I’ve accepted that, but right now I don’t want to because we’re about to have a baby and…” she trails off, not needing to finish her thought because my mind is already finishing it for her.
“Jojo, I’m not leaving you. I’m going to work. You and Noah can come with me, or fly out on the weekends. I’m not hiding from you and our children.”
“But you won’t be here when the baby’s born?”
I shake my head. It’s going to take months to rebuild what we’ve lost, if not years. “As soon as he’s here, I’m on the first plane out. Then we’ll fly back to L.A. as a family. You’ll love it out there and with school almost out for Noah, you guys can spend your days at the beach. Linda can watch the baby and I’ll work.” I drop my voice and lean in, letting my breath tickle her neck. “At night, you can be the vixen up front, the one I take backstage.”