«Why?» I asked. «Tell truth,» I warned her, and she began.
«I'll tell you anything; I thought the time had something to do with it, for soon after I am well each month, my 'pussy,' that's what we call it, often burns and itches intolerably; but, after a week or so, I'm not bothered any more till next time. Why is that?» she added.
«Two things I ought to explain to you,» I said. «Your seed is brought down into your womb by the menstrual blood; it lives there a week or ten days and then dies, and with its death your desires decrease and the chance of impregnation. But near the next monthly period, say within three days, there is a double danger again; for the excitement may bring your seed down before the usual time, and in any case my seed will live in your womb about three days, so if you wish to avoid pregnancy, wait for ten days after your monthly flow is finished and stop, say four days before you expect it again; then the danger of getting a child is very slight.» «Oh, you wise boy!» she laughed. «Don't you see you are skipping the time I most desire you, and that's not kind to either of us, is it?» «There's still another way of evasion,» I said, «get me to withdraw before I come the first time, or get up immediately and syringe yourself with water thoroughly; water kills my seed as soon as it touches it.» 'But how will that help if you go on half a dozen times more?» she asked.
«Doctors say,» I replied, «that what comes from me afterward is not virile enough to impregnate a woman: I'll explain the process to you if you like; but you can take it, the fact is as I state it.» «When did you learn all this?» she asked. «It has been my most engrossing study,» I laughed, «and by far the most pleasureful!»
«You dear, dear,» she cried. «I must kiss you for that.» «Do you know you kiss wonderfully?» she went on reflectingly. «With a lingering touch of the inside of the lips and then the thrust of the tongue: that's what excited me so the first time,» and she sighed, as if delighted with the memory. «You didn't seem excited,» I said half reproachfully, «for when I wanted another kiss, you drew away and said 'Tomorrow'! Why are women so coquettish, so perverse?» I added, remembering Lucille and Jessie. «I think it is that we wish to be sure of being desired,» she replied, «and a little, too, that we want to prolong the joy of it, the delight of being wanted, really wanted!
It is so easy for us to give and so exquisite to feel a man's desire pursuing us! Ah, how rare it is,» she sighed passionately, «and how quickly lost! You'll soon tire of your mistress,» she added, «now that I am all yours and thrill only for you,» and she took my head in her hands and kissed me passionately, regretfully. «You kiss better than I do, Lorna! Where did you acquire the art, Madame?» I asked. «I fear that you have been a naughty, naughty girl!» «If you only knew the truth,» she exclaimed, «if you only knew how girls long for a lover and burn and itch in vain and wonder why men are so stupid and cold and dull as not to see our desire. «Don't we try all sorts of tricks? Aren't we haughty and withdrawn at one moment and affectionate, tender, loving at another? Don't we conceal the hook with every sort of bait, only to watch the fish sniff at it and turn away. Ah, if you knew-I feel a traitor to my sex even in telling you- if you guessed how we angle for you and how clever we are, how full of wiles. There's an expression I once heard my husband use which described us women exactly, or nine out of ten of us. I wanted to know how he kept the office warm all night: he said, we damp down the furnaces, and explained the process. That's it, I cried to myself, I'm a damped-down furnace: that's surely why I keep hot ever so long! Did you imagine,» she asked, turning her flower-face all pale with passion half aside, «that I took off my hat that first day before the glass and turned slowly round with it held above my head, by chance? You dear innocent! I knew the movement would show my breasts and slim hips and did it deliberately, hoping it would excite you, and how I thrilled when I saw it did. «Why did I show you the bed in that room,» she added, «and leave the door ajar when I came back here to the sofa but to tempt you, and how heart-glad I was to feel your desire in your kiss. I was giving myself before you pushed my head back on the sofa-arm and disarranged all my hair!» she added, pouting and patting it with her hands to make sure it was in order. «You were astonishingly masterful and quick,» she went on, «how did you know that I wished you to touch me then? Most men would have gone on kissing and fooling, afraid to act decisively. You must have had a lot of experience? You naughty lad!» «Shall I tell you the truth?» I said. «I will, just to encourage you to be frank with me. You are the first woman I have ever spent my seed in or had properly.» «Call it improperly, for God's sake,» she cried laughing aloud with joy,
«you darling virgin, you! Oh! how I wish I was sixteen again and you were my first lover. You would have made me believe in God. Yet you are my first lover,» she added quickly. «I have only learned the delight and ecstasy of love in your arms.» Our love-talk lasted for hours till suddenly I guessed it was late and looked at my watch; it was nearly seven-thirty: I was late for supper, which started at half-past six! «I must go,» I exclaimed, «or I'll get nothing to eat.» «I could give you supper,» she added, «my lips, too, that long for you and -and-but you know.» She added regretfully, «He might come in and I want to know you better first before seeing you together; a young god and a man!-and the man God's likeness, yet so poor an imitation!» «Don't, don't,» I said, «you'll make life harder for yourself-» «Harder,» she repeated with a sniff of contempt. «Kiss me, my love, and go if you must. Shall I see you tomorrow? There!» she cried as with a curse, «I've given myself away:
I can't help it; oh, how I want you always: how I shall long for you and count the dull dreary hours! Go, go or I'll never let you-» and she kissed and clung to me to the door. «Sweet-tomorrow!» I said, and tore off. Of course it is manifest that my liaison with Mrs.
Mayhew had little or nothing to do with love. It was demoniac youthful sex-urge in me and much the same hunger in her, and as soon as the desire was satisfied my judgment of her was as impartial, cool as if she had always been indifferent to me. But with her I think there was a certain attachment and considerable tenderness. In intimate relations between the sexes it is rare indeed that the man gives as much to love as the woman.
Chapter X. Some Study, More Love
Supper at the Gregorys' was almost over when I entered the dining room: Kate and her mother and father and the boy Tommy were seated at the end of the table, taking their meal. The dozen guests had all finished and disappeared. Mrs. Gregory hastened to rise and Kate got up to follow her mother into the neighboring kitchen. «Please don't get up!» I cried to the girl. «I'd never forgive myself for interrupting you. I'll wait on myself or on you,» I added smiling, «if you wish anything.» She looked at me with hard, indifferent eyes and sniffed scornfully. «If you sit there,» she said, pointing to the other end of the table, «I'll bring your supper; do you take coffee or tea?» «Coffee, please,» I answered, and took the seat indicated, at once making up my mind to be cold to her while winning the others. Soon the boy began asking me had I ever seen any Indians-«In war-paint and armed, I mean,» he added eagerly.
«Yes, and shot at them, too,» I replied smiling. Tommy's eyes gleamed. «Oh, tell us!» he panted, and I knew I could always count on one good listener! «I've lots to tell, Tommy,» I said.
«But now I must eat my supper at express rate, or your sister'll be angry-» I added, as Kate came in with some steaming food: she pulled a face and shrugged her shoulders with contempt. «Where do you preach?» I asked the grey-haired father. «My brother says you're really eloquent.» «Never eloquent,» he replied deprecatingly,