There were enormous speakers at the top of pillars and corners of the hall, and mechanical applause resonated through the space. The majority of prisoners did not join in until the guards made it clear through their looks and gestures that everyone should participate. I did my part, feeling absolutely delighted that the judge had found it necessary to have a medical checkup. My prayer to God was that the reason was connected to my last interview with him and the way I had pretended to be ill.
“Thanks for that warm and sincere applause,” the emcee resumed. “Now, before anything else, this American expert on Islam wants to share with you, in Arabic, the results of his research and archeological digs. Do you agree? Fine, then I now gratefully present to you Doctor George Levy.”
The man in question who was wearing a civilian suit and bow tie now came forward and positioned himself behind the static microphone.
“Gentlemen,” he said tentatively with a nervous smile, “I’m honored to be able to address you all in your wonderful language, the one in which the Qur’an was revealed. Please forgive me if I make any grammar mistakes or use inappropriate words. To avoid such pitfalls I’m going to rely on the well-known proverb, ‘Where there’s a will, there’s a way.’ That’s all based, of course, on the sound Islamic doctrine of tolerance, mutual understanding, facilitation, and kindness. You should all be aware that ‘the Kind, the Forgiving, and the Merciful’ are all beautiful names of God! Surely you have all read in the text of the Qur’an where God Almighty says: ‘He has not imposed on you any restriction regarding religion’ [Sura 22, al-Hajj, v. 87], and ‘God wishes ease for you and does not wish hardship’ [Sura 2, al-Baqara, v. 185]. People claim that Islamic fundamentalism in its various guises is the reaction of a wounded creature, but only advocates of extremism, violence, and hatred would want to wound not only themselves but also others, to the point of murder. Islam forbids such behavior and anything else resembling it. Islam is a religion of peace and reconciliation, as the Sufi tendency clearly demonstrates. It’s a religion of compromise, one that encourages harmony and debate over ways to make things better. Muslims follow the better way, albeit based on the Qur’an, which certainly allows for adjustment with the requirements and necessities of the age, from which to reformulate doctrine. Islam is anti-war and anti-weapons, except enough to protect society against internal enemies. It disapproves of weapon ownership, because at base Islam is a faith system that advocates malleability, adaptability, meekness, kindness, and a general inclination toward peace and quiet. I’ll explain this in more detail in my next lecture. Farewell.”
Protests were heard all over the hall, and the speaker was compelled to stop talking and hurry off the stage under a positive hail of shoes. Some of the prisoners were arrested, but one of them managed to elude the guards and, like a genie out of a bottle, made his way to the stage.
“It’s easy to counter this nonsense from the Americans,” he yelled into the microphone. “Just listen to a recent statement I managed to get from my transistor radio before they took it away from me. The prime minister of Israel, Ehud Omert, had this to say: ‘If Hamas does not stop terrorizing our children and old people with its homemade bombs, we’re going to destroy Gaza and leave it a total ruin.’ The two major political parties in America and other groups also have been falling over each other in their rush to declare Israel a strictly Jewish nation, implying the need to strip Palestinians of all their weapons, including religion. The secretary of state, in fact, has spoken in the name of all the groups and on his own behalf. What he has had to say is even worse and more vicious in its intent. Just listen. .”
He was not able to finish his sentence because Nahid Busni approached him on tiptoe and sprayed his eyes with pepper spray, the smell of which spread all around the hall. As she went back to her seat, two guards picked up the speaker, who had fainted, and took him out through an emergency door — all to the accompaniment of protests from the audience.
The soldiers and guards now imposed quiet again, and the emcee returned to the stage, accompanied by a group of men who looked like ascetics and dervishes.
“Oh dear, oh dear!” he said nervously, tapping the floor with his foot. “I said from the start ‘No politics, none!’ Politics tear people apart and sow the seeds of dissent and conflict. Our goal here is to clear the air, break the ice, and remove all the nasty disputes between brothers. Now that I’m feeling a bit calmer, let’s go back to our soirée. As I said before, brothers, our slogan tonight is dance music as a way of feeling better. This is a group that has devoted its talents to a blend of Sufi séance and well-known techno songs. The same thing has happened with jazz and the traditional music of the Gnaoua.* This group’s known by the initials, TTI, Transtechno-International. They’re here to entertain you with some of their works. Anyone who feels moved and transported and wants to join in the dance is welcome to do so. Three, two, one, zero. .”
Ear-splitting music now emerged from the speakers, and the group did a crazy dance in a circle, necks extended, heads and bodies swaying, and eyes closed in the sheer emotional intensity of the moment. Voices competed with each other to shout out phrases, but the only one we could hear was “God is with us, God is alive!” While some people in the audience joined it, others — including myself — did their best to ignore the whole thing by reciting verses from the Qur’an and repeating the beautiful names of God.
The music stopped all of a sudden, and the group left the stage to applause, most of it artificial. The emcee now came back.
“Thank you, thank you to the TTI group,” he enthused. “Now this wonderful soirée will continue. It’s time now for humor and jokes, something that’ll make us all feel so much better. This is the way things were in the past, those fortunate people who imitated the behavior of our Prophet — the purest of peace be upon Him! The story is told about him that, whenever he attended a ceremony of some kind, he had it recorded. So no scowling and frowning, people!”
While his enormous body was swaying and dancing this way and that, another group came up on to the stage, singing in the rap-style:
“Take it down, folks, take it down,
Take a good look, folks, a good look!
Watch and be watched,
Have a good time and sing,
Sing, O sing again,
Life goes by so fast,
If you don’t have a laugh,
Things’ll get you down, and you’ll be dead!”
“So then,” the emcee went on, “it’s time for some good old-fashioned laughter. Our center’s clown for the evening is a master at telling jokes and humorous stories — the salt of life and the best cure for depression and anxiety. So a round of applause, please, for our witty midget with the long white beard and experienced penis. He comes from a family of jokesters and inherits the talent from the old masters of racy humor, the ones to whom the well-known slogan applies: ‘There’s no modesty in faith.’ There are countless examples who could be cited — al-Jahiz, al-Tawhidi, Ibn al-Jawziyya, al-Suyuti, al-Tifashi, and many, many others as well — God’s mercy on them all!* We have all benefitted from their mention and memory, and both they and we are thereby forgiven. Everyone say ‘Amen!’”