"Are you trying to tell us how to do our job?" the pain in the butt in the front row asked, raising his voice so all of his fellow pitchmen and women could hear him. Paldine had had enough. She bared all her fangs and walked right up to him. When she was an inch from his face she whispered, "No." The Ronkonese recoiled, then looked puzzled. "I'm telling you how to sell our item," Paldine roared. The force of her voice pushed the troublemaker back into his chair, his fluffy hair plastered backwards on his head. "If you don't think I'm an expert on a product that we invented, that we put all the features into, step right up here and explain it to me."
For a moment the sales force looked as nervous as Wuhses. Paldine was satisfied. She had gotten her point across and without bloodshed. It didn't hurt that some Pervects in the past had paved the way for her by proving that they were not demons to be trifled with. In fact, the point had been proved so well that most of the Ronkonese were crowded against the back wall trying to edge warily toward the door.
"All right," she rallied them. "Then get out there and make us some money!"
TWENTY-FOUR
"Interesting place. Wonder what they sell here?"
—m. polo
It was a good thing that we had such an experienced dimensional traveler as Zol with us. Even Tananda had never visited Ronko. The route from Wuh had taken us through three intermediate hops, each into dimensions less than friendly to Klahd metabolism. I would never have tried such a transit on my own.
Gleep had perked up every time we materialized in a new place, but seemed to understand that no matter how interesting the smells were coming from that primeval swamp or those volcanoes, it was more important to stay close to us while Zol calculated the next jump. In the meanwhile, I kept wards around us, sealing in a bubble of air that we could breathe.
The second hop left us teetering on a boulder perched on a mountaintop that threatened to topple over and plummet us into an avalanche of bright blue snow. Even Gleep looked nervous as we all wobbled with our arms out, trying to keep our uneasy perch from overbalancing. At the conclusion of the third hop we found ourselves on level ground. Well, at least it wasn't moving. The city around me, for it was a city, swooped upwards on both sides of the street on which we were standing. I had been in cities before, including the filthy and dreary burg on Perv that Aahz hailed from, but I had never seen one like this before.
Instead of plain boxes, the buildings on either side were made in fanciful shapes. To our left was a turreted castle covered with bright yellow tiles. Next to it, a squat fortress made of green stone seemed to beckon us toward its portcullis with concentric arcs of lights that blinked in sequence from the outside inward, over and over again. Across the street stood a vast rough wooden box, fifty feet on a side, with what was the mother of all bird's nests on it, each straw as thick in diameter as my body. That was just a relative sample of the structures we could see from where we stood. And the signs! Hundreds of them were plastered on all flat surfaces, from the sides of big vehicles to entire walls of soaring buildings. Brilliant orange, pink and blue ribbons of light were shaped into letters and pictures. We couldn't read any of them, but the illustrations above and around them made their meaning clear. They were advertisements.
I enjoyed looking at them. Everyone in them looked cheerful, healthy and prosperous. I couldn't help being interested in what they were so cheerful about. The street was full of traffic, both foot and vehicle. I pressed my back against a handy lamppost so I could see the giant posters without getting in anyone's way. The denizens of Ronko were similar in shape to Klahds, though they were slightly smaller in stature, like Zol. All of them were talking on small devices or playing with square toys that beeped or bobbing their heads from side to side as they walked.
"It doesn't look like the Pervects have started their strike yet," I observed. "Maybe we've gotten here first and can head them off." "I'm afraid you are incorrect, Master Skeeve," Zol replied. "We are too late."
He pointed. My eyes followed the line of his finger.
On the side of the biggest building we had yet seen was a gigantic representation of a Pervect female wearing a military uniform. Serpentine yellow eyes caught passing glances and held them, daring one to look away. The Pervect in the picture held an object which I didn't need to have anyone tell me was what the Wuhses in the factory were assembling. It was a cylinder about the length of my forearm, with a plunger at one end and wicked-looking blades protruding from the round casing at the other.
"It's a weapon," Tananda mused critically. "It must be nasty, if it has to have a safety casing like that around the business end."
"I wonder what the poster says?" I asked.
Bunny held up Bytina. "She translated it for me. Look." Bunny held the PDA under our noses. There, on the little screen, was a miniature representation of the huge advertisement. Instead of the square script of the Ronkonese, curly letters in Klahdish spelled out an order.
"We want YOU to join the growing army of happy Pervomatic users!"
"It's a recruiting poster," I growled.
Zol's dark eyes went wide. "How could we have missed the clues?" he demanded, shaking his head at his own naivete. "It was there on their desktop: they were looking for a force. But for what purpose?"
I smacked my fist into my hand. "To take over other dimensions. They supply the weapons here on Ronko, then use the Ronkonese as a strike force somewhere else. It's brilliant."
"What are four of us going to do?" Tananda asked.
"Gleep!" protested my pet.
"Sorry, Gleep," Tananda replied, scratching him around the jowls. "Five of us ... And if your suggestion is join up, I may love you like a brother, but the answer this time is a flat no."
Having seen how complications can set in even in such a straightforward enterprise as trying to disrupt an army from within (for further information on the last time my companions got involved in an operation like that I draw your attention to the fine book M.Y.T.H. Inc. in Action), I shook my head.
"We're going to shut them down," I informed them.
"How?" asked Bunny.
"I don't know yet," I admitted. "I'll figure it out on the way there. Bunny, can Bytina lead us to this recruiting office?"
"You bet," she answered, pleased to show off her pet's prowess.
"No, wait, Master Skeeve," Zol halted us. "If you will allow a little advice? It is not enough to attack a single outlet, as you saw before. You need to reach as many people as possible." He pointed to a shop window where people were gathered to look at screens similar to computers but somehow not as sophisticated.
"Black and white," Zol explained, "not as advanced as in some dimensions, but all-pervasive here on Ronko. I seem to recall having been interviewed some years ago at a media outlet, though I cannot recall precisely where it is." He turned to Bunny.
She touched the tiny keyboard, and an arrow filled the round mirror. Bunny held the small device level, and gestured over her head. "This way."
I glanced into the screens as I passed. The images in them didn't look black and white to me, but a spooky gray blue and chalky white that made the beings pictured look otherworldly. But I was the demon here. Maybe that looked good to the denizens of Ronko.
The television station was a building off to itself at the edge of a big park square. It had been built like one of its own screens, a huge box with a glass front. Inside Ronkonese hurried around three-walled rooms with lights, boxes on wheels and hand-sized padded sticks, which they pushed in front of one another's faces.
I told my story to the receptionist. She gestured us to a seat, and we waited. The lobby had a wall of screens, each showing a different activity. On one, a male gestured with both palms at a map. It had a smiley sun face and a frowny rain cloud facing one another over a dashed line that separated rough halves of the geographical area pictured. In another, a cheerful looking female in a frilly apron held up a cylindrical bottle and a sponge. I guessed she was promoting some kind of cleaning product.