"Thursday, Boss," the enforcer said, with a glint in his eyes.
The bluff worked. Narwickius spun away. He took out his frustration with me on the room. He pulled down every shelf and threw it on the heap in the middle of the floor. With a mighty wrench, he ripped the mantelpiece off the wall. The objets d'art went flying in every direction. The stuffed squid hit the floor with a wheezing noise.
"Hoho."
Chumley's eyebrows went up, almost hidden in the purple fur of his face. I signed to him to be calm.
"Aaaagh!" Narwickius bellowed. "I can't stand it! Are there any more collections?" he asked the Vipe.
She scanned the room with her wand. "I don't sssee any more, massster."
"Do they know of any more?"
The cold, black eyes swiveled toward us, and the end of the wand leveled at my nose.
"No," I said, before the Vipe could discharge magik in my direction. "Neither do my associates. Didn't I give you my word?"
"What does the word of a Klahd mean to me?" Narwickius demanded. "That means it is out here already!"
"Or you had her make it vanish already," I said, tilting my head toward the wizardess. I didn't want him getting any closer to that squid until I could examine it.
"What?"
"Well, you've been having her destroy things in your way," I said. "Did you check everything before they went out? I bet she blew it up right under your nose."
The Titan's eyes flew wide. "Never!"
"Well, it's understandable," I said. "We're in pretty tight quarters here. You don't want all this stuff underfoot, but I just wonder... did you check ALL of those mamushka dolls before you threw them out? I mean, open every one of them down to the baby in the center? Some of them have maybe thirty layers, like onions ..."
Narwickius tore at his hair. "No! No! Not after all these years!" He spun to confront the Vipe. "Did you do it?"
"I only do what you tell me, massster," she said, fear showing in her eyes for the first time. She gave me a very dirty look. "Those things were ordinary, with no magik to ssspeak of."
"Go find it! Wherever you sent those things, go look!"
"As you wisssh," the Vipe said, sulkily.
BAMF!
I grinned. My biggest threat had just been defused.
"Keep looking," I advised him. "I mean, if you're sure that it's still here ..." I leaned casually on the discarded mantelpiece and surreptitiously shuffled the squid behind it for safekeeping. I presented the Titan with my most innocent expression, all the while casting an illusion over it to make the squid look like one of the hundreds of costumed teddy bears already on the floor. Without the Vipe there to check it, he'd miss the glamour of magik upon it.
But I had planted the seeds of doubt. I had to admit I got a kick out of watching Narwickius turn over the thousand and two artifacts scattered everywhere over and over again. He had pulled out almost all his hair.
Living in the Bazaar for years. I had met some mad collectors, but Narwickius took first prize for obsessiveness. Even someone in search of the last lost Magikal Decoder Ring of Marfus Ayoodi would have given up long ago. Night came and went again. I was hungry, my feet hurt, and I was dying to go find the necessary, but I sensed the end was coming soon.
Narwickius called all of his men from the floor below. One at a time, the Titans felt around in the safes, caches, and niches. One at a time, they palpated pillows, stuffed toys, and articles of clothing. They shook bottles, emptied boxes, and turned socks inside out.
The sun was setting for the second time when Narwickius flopped down on what was left of the old man's mattress.
"Give up?" I asked pleasantly. "Curse you," he hissed.
"We had an agreement. We had every reason to believe that your old rival hid the item you wanted so badly some-where in here. You have given this place the most thorough search you possibly can. Are you willing to concede it's somewhere else?"
"You took it," he gritted.
"If I had, would I have spent the last two days helping you look?" I asked.
"No ... I... you might... I don't know!" Narwickius shouted. "You're confusing me."
"Let me help you make the decision, then," I said, moving close enough to place a fatherly hand on his shoulder. "Give up."
"No! I mean ... I never give up!"
"But you have already searched everything here," I said amiably. "What benefit is there in doing it again and again? You were sure you would recognize your prize right away, weren't you?" "Of course!"
"Well, everyone knows about the great Narwickius's powers of discernment," I went on smoothly. "If you haven't seen it, then it's not here, is it?"
"Well, when you put it like that... I suppose ..."
I could feel Guido and Chumley let out a huge sigh of relief at my back. The Titans, with armloads of Kewpie dolls, sounded just as relieved.
"Okay, then it's settled," I said, in a brisk tone, before Narwickius could change his mind. "You're finished looking. You promised once you were satisfied you couldn't find it you'd go. Right? You don't have any more time to waste on one little gizmo, not when there's an estate sale in Warfengang starting in about... five hours."
The light went on in the Titan's gray eyes. "What? I know several Fen in Warfengang! Is it Olbius? He was on his last legs when I saw him."
"Sure to be," I said, mentally crossing my fingers behind my back. "I don't recall the name ..."
"All right!" Narwickius said, shaking off my hand. He rose magnificently and drew his hand up to his chest. "I must get to the viewing before all of the good things are taken. We leave this wretched place, never to return. I, Narwickius, state this to be true."
"Good," I said. "Nice doing business with you."
He gave me a haughty look and waved a hand.
BAMF! All of the Titans vanished.
"Nice work, Skeeve," Guido croaked out.
"Which one is it?" Chumley asked, kicking at the debris on the floor.
I reached around the chunk of wood that had once been a handsome mantelpiece and drew out a rainbow-colored teddy bear.
"This is it," I said. "I hope. Let's go see Marmilda and Marmel."
The Imps were asleep, sitting up on a couch with their arms around one another's necks.
"Sweet family concord, what?" Chumley asked.
I nudged them awake with the toe of my shoe. They leaped up.
"This is all your fault," Marmilda exclaimed. Marmel went on guard.
"I didn't make a deal with a Titan!" "I didn't have a choice!"
"If you had told me you promised our inheritance to someone else, I might have understood."
"If you hadn't been so greedy, it might have been possible to hold a civil conversation with you!"
"Excuse me," I said, waving a hand between them. The Imp siblings turned to glare at me. "He's gone."
"What?" They both turned to look at us.
"Narwickius gave up," I explained. "It took a while, but it's over. I don't think he's ever coming back."
Marmilda jumped up and hugged us all. "Oh, thank you! You've all been so wonderful I... I just didn't know what to do. You just came in on such short notice, took charge, and you were all so calm. I was terrified! I don't know about Marmel..."
"I was terrified, too," the Imp admitted.
"... But I just absolutely have to say that everything we ever heard about M.Y.T.H., Inc. is true." The siblings beamed at us.
We all fell into an awkward silence. I was starting to get used to them. Guido cleared his throat.
"Uh, thanks, ma'am. We endeavor to give satisfaction." "Oh, you have!"
"Narwickius's departure fulfills the terms of our contract," Tananda said. "I hate to be a hero and run, but we have got some other appointments today."
"Oh, of course," Marmilda said. She gave Marmel an embarrassed glance. "Six gold coins was your fee, I think you said?"
"That's what we discussed," Guido said, "but we couldn't have done it without Mister Skeeve, so you'd better give him half of the dough."