"Well, you came to the right place," Massha leered. "Step into my parlor and we'll discuss what I've got that you want-and vice-versa."
Aahz followed her into the building, leaving me no choice but to trail along. He surprised me, though, by dropping back slightly to seek my advice.
"What's the word, kid?" he hissed.
"How about ‘repulsive'?" I suggested.
That earned me another dig in the ribs.
"I meant about her aura. What's the matter, did you forget?"
As a matter of fact, I had. Now that I had been so forcefully reminded, though, I hurriedly checked for magikal emanations.
"She's got-no, wait a minute," I corrected. "It isn't her. it's her jewelry. It's magikal, but she isn't."
"I thought so," Aahz nodded. "Okay. Now we know what we're dealing with."
"We do? "I asked.
"She's a mechanic," my mentor explained hurriedly. "Gimmick magik with her jewelry. Totally different than the stuff I've been teaching you."
"You mean you think I could beat her in a fair fight?"
"I didn't say that," he corrected. "It all depends on what kind of jewelry she's got-and from what we've seen so far, she's got a lot."
"Oh," I sagged. "What are we going to do?"
"Don't worry, kid," Aahz winked. "Fair fights have never been my specialty. As long as she doesn't know you're a magician, we've got a big advantage."
Any further questions I might have had were forgotten as we arrived at our destination. Having just left Quigley's dwelling, I was unprepared for what Massha used for an office.
To say it was a bedroom would be an understatement. It was the gaudiest collection of tassels, pillows, and erotic statues I had seen this side of the Bazaar at Deva. Colors screamed and clawed at each other, making me wonder if Massha were actually colorblind. As fast as the thought occurred to me, I discarded it. No one could select so many clashing colors by sheer chance.
"Sit down, boys," Massha smiled, sinking onto the parade-ground-sized bed. "Take off your things and we'll get started."
My life flashed before my eyes. While I had secretly dreamed of a career as a ladies' man, I had never envisioned it starting like this! If I had, I might have become a monk.
Even Aahz, with his vast experience, seemed at a loss. "Well, actually," he protested. "We don't have much time..."
"You misunderstand me." Massha waved, fanning the air with a massive hand. "What I meant was, take off your disguises."
"Our disguises?" I blurted, swallowing hard.
In reply, she held aloft her left hand, the index finger extended for us to see. The third-no, it was the fourth-ring was blinking a brilliant purple.
"This little toy says you're not only magicians, you're disguised," she grinned. "Now, I'm as sociable as the next person but I like to see who I'm doing business with. In fact, I insist!"
As she spoke, the door behind us slammed shut and locked with an audible click.
So much for our big advantage.
Chapter Thirteen:
"If you can't dazzle them with dexterity, baffle them with bullshit!"
-PROF. H. HILL
THERE was a long silent moment of frozen immobility. Then Aahz turned to me with an exaggerated shrug.
"Well," he sighed, "I guess she's got us dead to rights. There's no arguing with technology, you know. It never makes mistakes."
I almost missed his wink, and even then I was slow to realize what he was up to.
"With your permission, dear lady ..." Making a half bow at Massha, he began making a series of graceful passes with his hand in the air in front of him.
It was all very puzzling. Aahz had lost all his magikal powers back when... Then it hit me. Massha thought we were both magicians! Aahz was trying to maintain the illusion and could very well pull it off-if I got busy and backed his move.
As inconspicuously as possible, I closed my eyes and got to work stripping away his disguise.
"A Pervert!" Massha crowed in tribute to my efforts. "Well, what daya know. Thought you walked funny for a Jahk."
"Actually," Aahz corrected smoothly, "as a native of Perv I prefer to be called a ‘Pervect.' "
"I don't care what ya call yerself," she winked lewdly, "I'm more interested in how ya act."
I was just beginning to enjoy my mentor's discomfort when Massha turned her attentions on me.
"How ‘bout you, sport?" she pressed. "You don't say much, let's see what yer hiding."
I resisted an impulse to clutch wildly at my clothes, and instead set about restoring my normal appearance.
"A Klahd-and a young one at that," Massha proclaimed, cocking her head as she examined me. "Well, no matter, by the time old Massha's through with you . .. say!"
Her eyes suddenly opened wide and her gaze darted to Aahz, then back to me.
"A Klahd traveling with a Pervert... your name wouldn't be Skeeve, would it?"
"You've heard of me?" I blinked, both startled and flattered.
"Heard of you?" she laughed. "The last time I dropped into the Bazaar, that's all anyone was talking about."
"Really? What were they saying?" I urged.
"Well, the word is that you put together a team of six and used ‘em to stop a whole army. It's the most effective use of manpower anyone's pulled off in centuries."
"It was actually eight, if you include Gleep and Berfert," I admitted modestly.
"Who? "She frowned.
"A dragon and a salamander," I explained. "It was such a successful venture I'd like to be sure everyone involved gets some credit."
"That's decent of you," Massha nodded approvingly. "Most folks I know in the trade try to hog all the glory when their plans work and only mention the help if they need someone to blame for failure."
"If you know Skeeve, here," Aahz smiled, elbowing his way into the conversation, "then surely you know who I am."
"As a matter of fact, I don't," Massha shrugged. "I heard there was a loudmouthed Pervert along, but no one mentioned his name."
"Oh, really?" Aahz asked, showing a suspicious number of teeth. "A loudmouthed Pervert, eh? And just who did you hear that from?"
"Um ... in that case," I interrupted hastily, "allow me to introduce my friend and colleague, Aahz."
"Aahz?" Massha repeated, raising an eyebrow. "As in..."
"No relation," Aahz assured her.
"Oh," she nodded.
"Mind if I have some wine?" my mentor asked, gesturing grandly at the wine pitcher on a nearby table. "It's been a long dry trip."
This time I was ready, and covertly levitated the pitcher into his waiting hand. The thought of embarrassing him by leaving the wine where it was never entered my mind. We were still in a tight spot, and anything we could do to keep Massha off balance was a good gambit.
"So, what are a pair of big leaguers like you doing in Jahk?" Massha asked, leaning back into her silken pillows. "You boys wouldn't be after my job, would you?"
It occurred to me that all the employed magicians I was meeting shared a common paranoia about losing their jobs.
"I assure you," Aahz interjected quickly, "taking your job away from you is the furthest thing from our minds. If nothing else, we couldn't pass the physical."
I almost asked "The physical what?" but restrained myself. Verbal banter was Aahz's forte, and for the time being my job was to give him room to operate.
"Flattery will get you everywhere," Massha chuckled appreciatively, "except around a direct question-and you haven't answered mine. If you aren't looking for work, what are you doing here?"