That made me blush. He withdrew, bowing. Tananda let out a low chuckle that only I could hear. I hope. I covered my embarrassment by blurting out conversation.
"I. . . er . . . got a message from Chumley today," I said.
Tanda's eyes went wide, and she looked around. There was a discreet screen of magik between each table intended to mute sound. I realized I could scarcely hear the diners nearest to us. She turned back and whispered, "You did?"
I felt awkward. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it. "Uh, yeah. I, uh, heard he's fine. Enjoying the weather."
Tananda's mouth curved in a rueful smile. "I'm happy to hear that. I do worry about Big Brother when he's out of my sight. You know I couldn't tell you where he goes. As far as I know, it doesn't interfere with anyone else's assignment."
"I don't think so, either, but it's always good to know he's . . . around."
If I had said I had seen him in Ghordon, I might blow his cover. I had no idea if his assignment was dangerous, but I was utterly unwilling to put Chumley or any of my friends in danger.
"Well, tell him I love him the next time you send him a message," Tanda said. She smiled at me. "Big Brother and I are so glad you're back in town. I know I visited the inn once in a while, but it hasn't been the same."
"I know," I said. "I felt that way, too. It took a while before I was ready to come back. Then I almost ruined everything when I did."
"Don't beat yourself up, tiger. We'd all been thinking about you so much that it took us a moment to realize what your return meant. I'm glad that it worked out."
"Bunny seems to be handling the presidency well. Better than I ever could."
"Family training," Tananda said, "although she told me the titles generally get passed to a male heir. Not always, of course. She's nervous about making sure the business runs smoothly."
"Gosh, you could never tell she was nervous," I said.
"Oh, she is! She wants to get everything right. I keep telling her that we trust her. She doesn't have to try so hard."
I smiled. "She's one of the most competent people I know, present company excepted."
Tananda grinned. "Thanks, but you don't have to compliment me. I like my job. When the gang broke up the first time, I did some freelance assignments, and a few with Big Brother, but I missed the camaraderie. I've really never been so close to anyone in my life who wasn't family."
"Me, neither," I said, looking deeply into her eyes.
An uneasy silence fell. I was almost grateful when a Deveelish maiden brought a bowl and towels for us to wash our hands. A chandler arrived to trim the wicks of the candles on our table. The appetizers, Deveelish dancing dumplings, arrived. By then, the awkward moment had passed.
That would have been a good time to bring up the subject of Aahz's health. Then I had a good look around the restaurant, and realized I couldn't. It wasn't just Tananda's discomfort, though that was a big part of it. Instead, I asked her about growing up on Trollia. She didn't mind talking about her childhood. I found it an eye-opening conversation. I asked a few leading questions and listened with fascination while she did most of the talking. Finally, she was relaxed enough to laugh. We started to lean closer and closer to one another. I admired the shape of her face, the charm of her features.
"Madame and sir, the soup," a Deveel server announced. We sprang back, I very reluctantly.
The food was every bit as good as Nunzio had said. I enjoyed all the courses. I couldn't have described what was different about the taste of the fish from all the ones I had eaten before, but it was better. The service was unbelievably smooth. Our empty plates were whisked away without a fuss, by magik. No crumb ever marred the perfection of the white tablecloth for more than a moment. Our glasses always held exactly the right amount of wine.
At last, time came for dessert. Over the years, I had learned some of Tananda's likes and dislikes, including her favorite flavors. When I had discussed her tastes with the maitre d', he had laughed as if I had just told him a good dirty joke and given me a lascivious wink. I hoped the dish wasn't an obscene suggestion of some kind.
I watched her face as the dessert arrived. To me, the rounded shapes in the dish didn't seem suggestive of body parts or anything I could construe as objectionable.
"Passionfruit and angelberry sundaes!" Tananda said. She looked delighted, which made me feel great.
The wine steward appeared once more, to pour a lighter vintage than the one that had accompanied the savory courses of the meal. It went down pretty smoothly, too.
"I hope you're enjoying yourself," I said, reaching out to touch Tananda's hand. She held very still.
"I am, Skeeve. I can't tell you how much."
"That's great." I looked into her eyes. They were a lighter green than her hair, almost like tourmalines. "I've been hoping for a chance like this for a really long time. I'm really happy that you said you would come out with me."
"Skeeve ..." Tananda looked at me searchingly. "You know, I'm a lot older than you are."
"That doesn't matter," I said. "Honest. That's never mattered between us. Has it? At least I don't think it matters."
Tananda drew her hand back. "But it matters to me. And, actually, I'm seeing someone. ..."
"That shouldn't make any difference to us, not here and now."
Tananda tried again. "I don't know how to tell you this, Skeeve—don't get me wrong: this was a wonderful date, and you were so sweet to ask me—but, well, you have to know that nothing would ever work out between us. I know this hurts a lot of guys' egos, but I've always thought of you as the little brother I never had."
I whistled. Patrons at nearby tables turned to stare at me. "That's great!" I exclaimed. "That's perfect!"
Tananda blinked. "It is?"
"Oh, well, yeah." I couldn't believe how relieved I felt. "That's just how I hoped you would feel. I mean, I have tried going out before, like with Cassandra4. Things just went too fast. I never got to know her; and, well, you know what happened. Everyone knew. It was a big mistake. I made a fool of myself, and I didn't handle it well. None of my attempts to find a girlfriend have worked out. The problem is that I just didn't have a lot of experience dating while I was growing up on Klah. If you don't mind, I could really use your advice on how to treat a woman the way she wants to be treated. There just aren't a lot of people I can trust with this sort of thing. I mean, to everyone else I'm supposed to be the Great Skeeve. I should know everything, and I don't. I knew you'd tell me the truth, because you're one of my best friends. I've always prized your honesty. Give it to me straight: how'm I doing?"
Tananda threw back her head and laughed. "Oh, Skeeve, you don't know how much you worried me. How much you worried all of us."
I grinned. "I know. I can see Aahz back there in the corner trying to pretend he's a potted plant. That's Massha and General Badaxe in the front table. They might be disguised as Deveels, but look at the way the tables on either side of them are pushed out to give them enough room. Bunny brought our entrees. You couldn't conceal the way she walks with any kind of illusion. And Guido's in the kitchen, isn't he?"
Tananda's eyebrows flew up. "How do you know?"
I drew the miniature crossbow quarrel out of my folded napkin and held it up. "This was in my soup. I've picked birdshot out of game hens, but you don't have to shoot squash."
"I guess the jig is up," Tananda said, looking sheepish. "We were just concerned about you."
"I appreciate it," I said. "You didn't think . . . ?"
The look on her face said she had, but she said, "I hoped not, but I didn't want to refuse automatically before I knew what you wanted. I had to give you a chance. You're one of my best friends, too." She leaned over and kissed me. The potted plant in the corner rustled fiercely. Tananda drew back and laughed again. She beckoned to it, and Aahz emerged with all the finesse of a child who didn't want to be kissed wrestling his way out of his great-aunt's grasp. He stalked over to a nearby table and sat down at it as if he had just taken a wrong turn coming from the men's room. I shook my head.
4
For the fullest account existing of Skeeve's date, read Sweet Mythery of Life, available in plain brown wrappers at your local bookseller's