I was not amused.
"What about theft?" I asked. "You said you had a problem?"
Samwise grinned, showing a mouthful of pointed teeth that would once have daunted me, but I'd seen lots bigger and worse since I started working with Aahz. "I hired the most notorious bandit chiefs from the three biggest bands as my consultants to prevent shrinkage. Nothing that has been left by the owners for safekeeping in any of the tombs has been stolen."
"Yet," Aahz said.
Samwise hurried past me until he was only a step behind Aahz.
"And that's something I expect you will advise me on, now that we have agreed as to terms. I can even offer you an advantageous price for a stone."
"How advantageous?" Aahz asked.
Samwise puffed after him. "In the name of good will, to my new consultant, a generous offer is in order."
Aahz waved a dismissive hand. "And how much is that translated from Imp-speak?"
"Oh, twenty percent off." Samwise said. "If you take a look down, you can see our model tombs. The tops have been made transparent so you can see the dimensions and the workmanship."
"Twenty percent off how much?" I asked. I peered down at the rectangular cases. They looked like identical shoe boxes fitted together side by side. "They all look the same to me."
"Naturally, the price is different for identical repositories depending upon how high up the pyramid you buy, my friend," he said. "And there are other amenities we can discuss once you decide on your location." He stopped and bent over with his hands on his knees.
Aahz continued upward, ignoring both of us. When it felt like we had been climbing for an hour, he touched the air with his foot, then stopped where he was. I looked down again, and realized that we were almost at the center of the massive square formed by the sides of the pyramid. Aahz must be standing on the apex.
"What about this one?" Aahz asked.
Chapter 6
"I knew it was too good a deal to be true."
I looked at it with my mind's eye. Under Aahz's feet was a tiny square platform, just big enough for one person to stand on. Samwise elbowed past me, gushing.
"Oh, that is our very best, the bestbest benben. There's only one of those. It is the capper of the whole project. The top. A fitting memorial to a well-lived, not to say well-recompensed life. And, as I said, the person who purchases the top location will have the pyramid named after him, giving him a place in history."
We gazed around us. The Valley of Zyx spread out beneath us like a giant's sandbox. In the distance, winged creatures I couldn't identify dipped and swooped, but the most numerous living things out on the
surface of the pale golden quicksands were Camels. Here and there, Ghords paddled tiny, one-being boats just large enough to sit in with their knees bent. Otherwise, the desert looked lifeless.
Humble, flat-roofed buildings like the And Company office clustered here and there, and against the eastern foothills colorful tents were spread out like an armload of discarded handkerchiefs. I could just see the corner of Waycross's tomb. There were no other edifices of importance in this desert landscape except Diksen's monumental structure. The whiteness of its sides picked up a tinge of pink now that the sun was starting to dip toward the mountains to the west. Behind it, I noticed a shimmering, pale blue sphere that floated yards over the surface of the sand. "What's that?" I asked.
"Oh, that's Diksen's office suite," Samwise said dismissively. "Such a showoff."
"What is it? It looks like a bubble."
Samwise snorted derisively. "It's a ball of water. The guy just has to flaunt his wealth."
"Wealth?" I echoed. "Water is free."
"Not in a desert, my good man," the Imp said. "It hasn't rained in Ghordon for centuries. The cities maintain magical wells or they irrigate from the Zyx. Wealthy Ghords have a bathtub. The really rich ones have showers."
I admired the finished pyramid again. "Gee," I said, shaking my head.
"Your place really suffers by comparison," Aahz added.
"One day, this pyramid will look like Diksen's," Samwise said, defensively. "Better! It won't have that boring white covering. This one will be faced with clear crystal so that all the work my stonecutters are doing on each tomb can be seen by visitors. It's also thirty feet taller than Diksen's. It will be the tallest thing in the Valley of Zyx!"
For a moment, Aahz's face grew dreamy, but he regained control over himself in a moment. "So ... if I invested in the top spot, the pyramid would be named after me?"
"Of course!" Samwise said. "It's the very least I could do to indicate that location is special—beyond special. Not that its location isn't the most important aspect of it. No one would ever look down on you, in any way, shape or form. Even the steps end at the base of that level, as you see. The top stone itself will form the peak."
"And how much does a penthouse like that cost?" Aahz inquired.
"Only one hundred thousand gold pieces."
I was shocked, but the effect on a Pervect who hated to turn loose an extra copper was dramatic.
"Forget it," Aahz snapped. "I can't think of anything that I'd spend a hundred thousand pieces on." Fie stopped, and his face softened. A huge, wicked grin spread across it. All his teeth showed. He let out a low-throated guffaw. I wished I could see what he was thinking, but glanced at his smile again and was glad I couldn't. "Almost nothing. But on a hunk of rock?"
Samwise tapped him on the arm. 'Ah, but sir, you can't take it with you. What else are you going to do with it?"
"Do?" Aahz echoed. "The moment I find out that my time is up, I'm gonna start whooping it up with all
my buddies, and with luck, drop dead the next day without a plugged nickel to my name."
Samwise wasn't giving up. I could see how he had attained an eighty percent sell-through on a stretch of empty desert. "A most admirable goal, my friend. But before you go, you surely want to make provisions for your . . . legacy."
"What legacy?"
Samwise waved descriptive arms. "This will become the valley of the celebrities."
"These monuments will ensure that your name is remembered for all eternity. Those who have questions can read the legend that is you in the very stone. Your legacy. Your value to the future. As you want it told." He reached into a pocket and came out with a scroll. "Here. Let me show you a few samples that some of my customers have ordered for their own inscriptions." He unspooled it, and it grew lengthwise and widthwise until it was larger than the Imp himself. I peered over Aahz's shoulder at the rows of eagles, dogs, cats, dancing girls, men in headcloths, musicians, suns, moons, stars, and many more esoteric symbols that would not have been out of place in a grimoire. "See here? Denby's a second under-stonemason from Bolder." Samwise perused the symbols and cackled to himself. "Oh, yes, he pulled out all the stops. Yes, you would think from reading this that he ruled half a dimension and had a dozen wives and a fortune the size of the Gnomes!"
Aahz frowned at the rows of pictographs.
"I can't read that."
Samwise reached into the other pocket and came out with a small, handsomely bound leather book for each one of us. "Here's a lexicon to the Ghordish language. Each sign can stand for a letter, a word or even a whole paragraph. You write out the text of what you want on the sides of your stone, and my scribes will render it into glyphs. You can say whatever you want. And most people do."
I looked at the first symbol, the image of a kneeling Ghord wearing a short kilt on one side of its body and a long dress on the other, one hand waving in the air, the other making a fist. On the top of its head was a spindly-legged chair. The translation next to it read, "In the name of Oris, the Ghordess Who is Her Own Brother, I commend to you this male or female who is as lofty above all fellow beings as the clouds are in the sky. How strong and mighty is this male or female, as powerful as the earth!"