"Yeah, we had an association," I said. "It was a damned fine one, too. When we had to, we could kick epic butt."
"Aye, mortals often believe that they can achieve fraternity as we did," Ersatz said, with a nostalgic sigh. "It was such a friendship as has never been seen in any time before or since. We were truly happy in one another's company. You don't know what it is like to be part of a group, each expert in its own field, respectful of one another's talents, able to defeat all comers, always knowing that one's back is defended as well as if one had been multiplied into an army."
"Sure, I do," I said. "Why, in M.Y.T.H. …"
"Oh, there's no mortal equivalent," Buirnie interrupted, dismissively. "Never has been, never could be. You couldn't possibly know what it is to be a member of a fellowship like ours. It was unique!"
"What the hell do you know about it?" I demanded. I was beginning to get an inferiority complex from the constant hammering from the eternal treasures of the Hoard. As if I didn't know what a fellowship was!
"Nor would your petty band have taken on missions that would change the future of an entire race," Asti said.
I am a patient man, but I was beginning to lose my temper. "You're out of your mind, sister. I'd have staked M.Y.T.H., Inc. against any bunch of adventurers in the land, mercenaries, legendary heroes, mortal or immortal — whatever you had, we had it better. What we do… did was vital! I remember a time when our gang teamed up to put an end to the gang war that was brewing in the Bazaar."
"Perhaps it was important as you mortals count it," Kelsa said, blinking at me. "But it wasn't important on a cosmic level, as our adventures were, dear."
"In your humble opinion," I snapped.
"I only tell the truth! I know all, see all!"
"Blow all," I said. "You're so terrific that you end up in flea markets and fortune teller's parlors. That's where the great Golden Hoard has gotten to, right?"
"Good Aahz, we have offended you," Ersatz said, apologetically. "Perhaps I will cease my narration. I have carried on nearly as long as that penny whistle over there."
"Hey, who are you calling a penny whistle?" Buirnie said. "I've never charged a penny for my music in my life! I do it all for love."
"No," Tananda said. "You're not offending us at all, Ersatz." She shot a reproving look at me, and drew a long finger down the blade. "I want to hear the rest. You're so good at telling stories."
Ersatz's eyes closed. He almost seemed to be purring. "You have your own magik, mistress, surely."
"Go on," she said, in a caressing voice. "So, how did you end up in the flea market?"
"Alas," Ersatz sighed. "Change of fortune, and change again. Ah, me, those were the days. While we were in Valhal, peace existed between us all. There is not much more to tell. Sadly, our Utopia was all temporary. So many of us could not exist in one another's company. Each of us must be supreme. The power we generated together began to build up. The first explosion destroyed the treasury, but left us all unscathed."
"Not the Drum, dear," Kelsa said. "His head was torn right across."
"But his frame remained sound. Heads are easily replaced. It was determined that we should be divided before we fractured the realm once again. The warning came too late. They had brought too many of us together. We began to argue about the best way to safeguard our realm. We could not agree. The power built and built. Looki, always a most observant man, attempted to warn the leaders of the four realms to depart before a disaster came. They wouldn't listen. None would depart and leave the field to the others, or so they perceived. Such thinking proved to be catastrophic."
"The explosion, when it came, blew up the entire dimension of Valhal," Asti said. "It killed everyone, and scattered us all to the four winds. We turned up in some of the most unexpected places. When the dust settled, I was in a housewares display in a department store in Imper."
"I was the aggie in a game of marbles on Titania," Kelsa said. "Most exciting!"
"I blew right into the hands of a jazz musician in Nola," Buirnie said. "My first taste of stardom!"
"And I was cutting salamis in Trollia," Ersatz said, heavily. "I have sought for traces of our long-ago home, but it seems to have been severed from the dimensions, if it exists at all."
"Well, we were better than that," I said smugly. "I mean, we never blew up a whole dimension."
"If you are so superior," Asti said, "then why are you not together any longer?"
Ersatz answered before I could blow up.
"It seems that there are flaws in all of us. Since then, I have put myself into the hands of those who are about to fight epic battles. How about your fellowship?"
"I don't want to talk about it," I said. "It's gone now. Maybe good things aren't meant to last forever."
"Nonsense," Asti said. "Look at us! We ARE meant to last forever. Durable, that's the way it ought to be. We seldom come together, but we are never really apart."
I felt a pang. I resented it.
"I don't believe that is to what he refers, Asti," Ersatz said, sternly.
"How do you know what he is talking about? Your authoritarianism just twists my stem sometimes," the Cup said, rolling her rubies scornfully.
"He and his companions may have aspired to such a fellowship as ours."
"Oh, please, don't try to convince me he is anything but a greedy egotist."
"All right," I snarled, "I won't."
"I wrote a song about us," Buirnie said, interrupting the argument with one final attempt either to make peace or show off, I wasn't sure which. "Now that you know the backstory, it will be much more interesting. 'Once upon a time there was a Hoard…'"
"NO!" I bellowed. The ground almost shook at the sound of my voice. Buirnie looked taken aback.
"A simple 'thanks but no thanks' would have done the trick," he said, reproachfully.
"I know your company must have been special to you," Calypsa said. "But Ersatz has lived so many thousands of years, and done so many important things. I know you must feel small next to the Hoard. I know that I do."
"Child, never lose your sense of self worth," the Sword said, kindly. "Your adventure is just beginning. Someday you will realize that meeting us is the most important thing that will ever happen to you."
I opened my mouth, then snapped it shut. I realized I was never going to be able to convince them of the quality of what I'd had and lost. Tananda gave me a sympathetic look and a gesture to let it go. Well, if she could, I could. Let it never be said that I let my memories affect my mood.
"Look," I said. "There's someone we can ask for directions."
Chapter 13
THE BLEAK, OPEN landscape let us spot the carter more than half an hour before we reached him. The black-furred Pikinise studied us curiously but with no fear. He stopped his cart as I called out a greeting, and leaned his elbow onto his homespun-clad knee.
"Heading for Pikerel?" I asked, trying not to show the impatience that I felt.
"About," he replied. "Come from there?"
That was a safe bet, since the road we were standing on led directly back to the small hamlet.
"Yeah," I said shortly. "I wonder if you can help us. We're looking for someone."
"And you found him," the carter said, leaning back and looking pleased.
"Not you."
"Well, then, you ain't found him yet," the carter opined. I reached up and took him by the bib of his overalls.
"I've been walking for two days, and I'm not in the mood for yokel humor."
The Pikinise brushed my hands away and sat back.