"Hold it, hold it!" I said. "I'm still a magician. Of course. It takes more than power to qualify. You know that. There's prestidigitation, misdirection, illusion, none of which requires magik."
"That's very true." Polka snapped his fingers, and a pink sequined top hat appeared in his hands. He thrust it at me. "If you are still a magician, then pull a rabbit out of this hat."
Now, everyone was looking. Tananda started to make motions. She was going to try and raise a rabbit for me behind everyone's back. Of all the gin joints in every dimension, this was the wrong one. Everyone in the lounge turned to stare at her.
"Yipe!"
Savona aimed a talon, and she and Calypsa were both wrapped up in a cocoon of ribbons from shoulder to hip.
"I am terribly sorry," he said. "No outside interference is permitted. Pray proceed."
I was on my own.
"Well?" Polka asked. I grinned painfully.
"C'mon, I don't do rabbits," I said. "That's small-time stuff."
"Small-time?" A tall, thin, blue-skinned magician rose up in indignation. He was about three feet taller than I was. He loomed down at me. "Pulling rabbits from hats small-time? I'll have you know I have wowed them at the Borean Palace for over fifty years with rabbits!"
"Look, I'm not trying to offend you," I said, reaching up with some difficulty to slap the Bore on the back. "I'm just into bigger effects, that's all."
"Then produce one," Polka said. "Not with the help of your assistants. Not with the help of those fancy gizmos you have with you. Just you. Wow us."
I'm famous for thinking on my feet, but there's times when not even slick talking will help.
"Look," I said, leaning closer to the Squirt and grinning companionably. He leaned away. "You wouldn't embarrass an old member, would you? Down on his luck, and all. I'll get 'em back one of these days. In fact, that's what I came to talk to my buddy about' restoring my powers. You wouldn't want to get in the way of that? I've been a member in good standing for decades. Don't I get a little leeway?"
"Well..." Polka's expression softened slightly, but Savona's didn't.
"I would like to point out that the monitors have detected the character of the items concealed about the persons of Mr. Aahzmandius and his colleagues. They are Prohibited, sir."
Even I could hear the capital P. By now we were attracting attention. I tried jollying him. "It's just part of the test, Savona. C'mon."
"I am very sorry, sir, but there are no bylaws under which \ou may carry into these premises either a magikal sword, especially not one of such intrinsic power..."
"A sword?" Polka squeaked, but Savona wasn't finished.
".. .or a device for prognostication. In fact, the latter would be banned anywhere in the city. It could predict the outcome of bets, possibly resulting in the loss of millions at the tables. The accuracy readings are off the charts."
"Hmm," I said. "I never thought of that." Kelsa might have some uses after all. But Polka wasn't up for speculation.
"Where is it?" he asked, shaking with rage.
Savona pointed at Tananda. "That young lady has it in her possession. She is the architect of an illusion spell that is keeping the normal appearance of all the items concealed."
"You were planning to cheat the casinos?" Polka demanded, breasting up to me. "Using the club as a base? That's outrageous!"
"No, that's not why we're here," I protested. "Look, all I want to do is talk to my friend in the library, okay?"
"We only have your word on that, sir," the enormous Scourge said. He lowered the crossbow so the point of the quarrel was aimed directly between my eyes.
"I am afraid, Mr. Aahzmandius," Polka said, with dignity, "that I must ask you to leave."
"Leave?" I said, desperately looking at the library door.
Behind it, the Book was waiting. If I could just.. .reach.. .it
I shouldered into the invisible barrier again. "Why should I leave? I belong here!"
"Well, you're not a member any longer, not until you regain your powers, since they were the source of your
qualifications. Otherwise you would not have gained access, you know. Where's your membership card?"
The entire room was definitely looking at me now. I mumbled, "Deva."
The Squirt clapped his hands together, and a rectangular waller card suddenly lay in his outstretched palm. The fancy Magicians' Club logo was embossed in baby blue on the left. My moving picture had been applied to the right half, over my signature. The youthful me in the image was grinning like an idiot. The mouth was moving. I had been talking to the magician taking the magikal photo. I snarled at that callow youngster, who couldn't do a damned thing to help. Polka tsk-tsked. He flicked his other fingers at the card, and it burst into flames. The Pervect in the picture yelled silently, then crumbled into ashes.
"You can't do that to me!" I bellowed.
"It is my duty," Polka said. He didn't have to look so pleased about it. "You have broken several of our bylaws. You have committed fraudulent use of membership, failing to inform the committee about a change of circumstances, carrying prohibited magikal items into the club, attempted assault of another member, and finally, disturbing the calm of the Magicians' Club, which has been famous as an oasis of peace and quiet for our brethren and sisteren for over seven thousand years! See him out, Mr. Savona," the Squirt concluded, with a majestic wave of his skinny little hand. "If they try to get back in, you have my permission to use scorn as well as deadly force."
"Hey, wait a minute!" I said.
"I'm afraid I must fling you out into the street, Mr. Aahzmandius," Savona said, with what looked like genuine regret. I tried to sidestep him, but it's not easy to get out of the reach of a guy with wings. In a flutter, he had the back of my neck clamped with his talons, and my right arm bent up behind my back.
"No, you don't," I said, trying to get out of his grasp, as he propelled me inexorably toward the front door. "C'mon, you
don't have to make it look so real. Check with the Board. They'll tell you..."
"Ta-daaaaa!" sang the stage assistants, arms up, as the door whisked open.
By that time I was airborne. I landed about thirty feet down the alley. Two pairs of feet appeared before my eyes as I was picking myself up.
"What happened to the ribbons?" I growled up at Tananda and Calypsa.
"Savona cut them off," Tananda said, with a little smile. She gave me a hand and heaved. I popped up. Sometimes I forget how strong she is. "With one swipe of that talon! I like a man who has a decent manicure. He gave me his number. We've got a date if I ever get back this way again."
Chapter 15
"WELL, THAT WAS an appalling screwup," Asti said, as I dusted myself off. "Badly handled. Not only did you not secure Payge, but Froome has escaped again."
"I suppose you could have done better, sister?" I asked. I glanced back. The doorway had vanished, replaced once again by an eye-level slit.
"Of course I could! Your story was weak from the beginning. Telling them you're a secret investigator. Hah!"
"It almost worked!" I said, defensively.
"Almost is the operative word," Asti said. "Pitiful."
"Pitiful!" I bellowed.
Tananda put a sympathetic hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off.
"Inept, then. Do you like that better?" the Cup asked.
"For your information, honey, I was doing pretty well, until I rammed into that wall. I should have seen that coming."