He seemed to be afflicted with a terrible case of dry-mouth. "Why, I.. .how can I resist it? Yes, it'll make wonderful telling! I'll be the hit of the festival. What.. .what's your name, beautiful green lady?"
"Tananda," the Trollop said. "Make sure you spell it right."
The Pikinise was already mining through his capacious satchel for a quill and a notebook. "And just what was it that you did to make me stop in my tracks, Miss Calypsa?" he asked.
"The Dance of Fascination," she said.
"It was.. .it was fantastic," he said, with an admiring glance. "Good luck in freeing your grandfather."
"Thank you," she said, modestly. "You are very kind to let me take Payge."
"You're welcome," he said. "All I ask in return is that you let me know how it all comes out. And then, look out, Morigrim Festival of Champion Storytellers. Here I come!"
He blinked out of sight.
BAMF!
Chapter 17
"WELL DONE," ASTI said, grudgingly. "That was almost
brilliant."
I swaggered along the main street of Tomburg, looking for a handy alley that we could slip into, to avoid jumping dimensions in front of the crowd. Froome might have been into public displays of magik, but I wasn't.
"It was pretty clever, now that I think about it," I said.
"On a scale of stupid to stellar, I'd give you a six."
I bared my teeth.
"Give it a rest, sister! Who else could have helped put together five of you Hoard in a matter of twenty days?"
"Twenty-one," the Book under my arm suddenly spoke up.
"Well, another delegate heard from," I said. I turned the book over so I could see the cover. Jewels and jade formed the picture of a grand landscape framing the image of a big, cushy chair with a reading lamp shining over it. I turned it one more time, to look at the spine. Where other books had a colophon at the top, Payge had a little face, with sapphire eyes and a wry mouth shaped like a dingbat. "Why didn't you say something to Froome before he left?"
"I hate goodbyes," Payge said. "I prefer happy endings."
"Who says this isn't going to have a happy ending?"
"Payge has never liked confrontations of any kind," Ersatz said. "It is most annoying. He will not even defend himself in an argument."
"Froome does not need me," Payge said. "I will not be able to teach him more magik, alas, but he will be the greatest storyteller of this age. I have confirmation in my own future annals. See page 2,398, and also pages 3,567 to 3,582, inclusive. I am sorry I will not be with him to witness his success, but I shall know of it just the same."
Kelsa, who looked like the Reader's Digest myopia edition in her diamante glasses, went hazy for a moment. "Oh, yes, dear. Very successful. Take a look!"
I flipped the book over and thumbed through it until I came to the first reference. Sure enough, an illustration of Froome's cheerful face, somewhat grayer than I had just seen him. He sat on a cushion in the middle of a sea of admirers. The image topped an article entitled "Word Magik." Below was a fairly comprehensive biography. I caught sight of my name in the middle of the text. I paged ahead to the second section, which was a collection of what would one day be Froome's most famous stories.
"Not a bad life," I commented.
"If it comes true," the Book said. "There is the remote possibility it will not come to pass, but I would say his chances of success are over 98%. See my section on Statistics, chapter 2, pages 6,104 to 6,106."
The logo of Payge's face appeared at the bottom of every page. I addressed the one on page 3,570.
"You have all of history written there?"
"Oh, yes, I keep the records of every civilization at hand since I was first bound, even the ones that no longer exist."
"So, you're annal-retentive, huh?" I asked. Everyone looked at me blankly except Tananda. "Forget it. Do you have anything about Calypsa here rescuing her grandfather?"
"I have an infinite number of possible outcomes of that quest," Payge said. "See page 4,000 for the branching chart, a fold-out supplement. Too many variables still remain for me to have a definitive opinion in print."
"Your pages change all the time?"
"Naturally."
"You know what we're trying to do?"
"Indeed, I do. I was following Calypsa's account as she narrated it to Froome. I must say, she does not deviate by so much as a comma, from telling to telling. I could scarcely have done better myself."
"Thank you," Calypsa said.
"You are welcome. That is not to say, it becomes tedious on hearing it retold time and again," Payge continued. "In my chapter on Compelling Narratives, I suggest varying the pace and perhaps the details of your account once in a while—not sacrificing accuracy, mind you, but omitting certain facts and stressing others depending upon one's audience. In Froome's case, you were fortunate, since he wants ALL details. That made him a most apt pupil. I can't hope to find one so promising this century. Unless," he eyed Calypsa, "you have a good ear, you are loquacious, and you're certainly trainable. Are you interested in applying yourself to an advanced degree in literature?"
"Back off, book. She is my protege," Ersatz said.
"Ah." Payge paused. "Yes, it is so written, in the Current Events section between pages 300-600. Alas. I did not expect to succeed, but there are still branches left in the tree of events. I need to study. I need peace and quiet!"
"Look, are you going to cooperate with us, or not?" I said. "You've wasted almost five days of our time. If we don't get out there and find the Purse and the Ring in the next few days, Calypsa's granddad is history."
"I am so sorry," the Book said. "I am simply suffering from information overload. Sometimes I just can't keep up with it. I promise, I will cooperate. Very well, I am at your service. I confess myself terrified. I know too well what Perverts are capable of doing. My pages are full of accounts containing page-curling details."
I snorted. "You shouldn't believe everything you read, chum," I said. "I've never tortured a book that didn't deserve it."
"If I have gotten my facts wrong, I wish to correct them. We are going up against Barrik, who has imprisoned Calypso against his will? That has not changed?"
"It hasn't," Calypsa said.
"What is the plan? I haven't found one among the information I have been accumulating about you three and my old colleagues."
"There is no plan," I said, firmly. "We're gathering you all together. We take you to Barrik. He frees Calypso. End of story."
"But.. .you are gathering the finest force the universe has ever known, to be bartered as if we were a set of the Encyclopedia Gnomica?"
"Not my deal, Bub. I'm just doing what the little lady here wants."
The sapphire eyes slewed wildly to Calypsa and back to me.
"But advise her differently! Are you prepared for the consequences of what will occur if we are put into the hands of a tyrant?"
"Oh, he'll be out of there like a shot once the deal is done," Asti said. "He won't stay around to see the results of his action. The girl is paying him, Payge. Actually, it's Ersatz's fault. What was the debt you incurred?"
"One hundred to set me free from the merchant who held me," Ersatz recited. "Then there is reimbursement for the outlay for the cases..."
I was tired of hearing that litany.
"What's wrong with a straightforward transaction?" I demanded. "You wanted a fancy slipcover to work with us. You got it. I'm waiting for my payoff." I turned to the book.
"Kelsa said you know all the spells in the universe."