"No way."
"But, Aahz! You have been saying all along..."
I cut her off.
"I changed my mind. We can't do it."
"Tananda!" The girl pleaded. "We must go."
Tananda shook her head. "I agree with Aahz. It's a trap. You can't walk in there and expect a fair deal. You'll hand the Hoard to him, and he'll have his minions take them away so that he doesn't have to pay off on his promise. He wants to keep the old man locked up forever, probably to discourage any other Walts from thumbing their noses, er, beaks at him."
"Then, what shall I do?" Calypsa asked, piteously.
"You have us. We have the power between us to break any stronghold," Ersatz assured her. "And with your promise as a swordswoman and me in your hand, none shall harm you."
"You're thinking of setting her, one inexperienced girl, alone against a castleful of minions?" I asked disbelievingly.
"I believe that she will not be ALONE," as you suggest so insultingly, friend Aahz. We will be with her. We shall undertake this rescue ourselves. Pardon me for my forwardness, Calypsa, but you are inexperienced in these matters. We will take the lead, if you do not mind."
"Thank you," she said, looking at the Sword with an expression of admiration and trust.
"Tananda and I have plenty of experience at rescues and dealing with enemy wizards," I said.
"Perhaps," Payge said, vaguely. "Do you mind not intruding? My colleagues and I are conferring. All right, sharpie, what is it you think we should do?"
"Hey!" I protested. "What am I, chopped liver?"
"Silence, Pervect," Asti said. "This is none of your concern."
I goggled at her. Ersatz's eyes turned pensive.
"A direct assault is the best way, the Sword said, ignoring the Book's insult. "With me in her hand, I will guide her to defeat the forces of the stronghold. She can win through to
the sanctuary of the tyrant. He will not be able to stand against us! He must surrender, in fear of his life."
"To an army of one?" Buirnie asked, with heavy sarcasm. He twinkled at Calypsa. "No, it would be far better if you and I went in there together, sweetheart! With your dancing and my singing, we could waltz in there, excuse the pun, and waltz out again before he knew what we were doing. We'll get your grandfather out of his jail cell, and 23-skidoo!"
Calypsa let out a wail of sorrow.
"My poor grandfather! That the house of Calypso suffers so!"
"There, there, child," Ersatz said. "I promise, I will assist you to free him."
"We all will," Asti assured her.
"And just how do you think you're going to do that?" I asked.
The Hoard ignored me.
Payge rustled importantly. "The fact of the old Walt's very captivity could mean that Bozebos is no longer in his possession."
"Barrik has him!" Buirnie said. "That must be why the villain has demanded the rest of us. He's decided he wants the entire set! Well, what's not to like? It has happened in the past, by the masters of Valhal who first assembled us in one place."
"I have foretold it will happen again before the world's end," Kelsa said. "More than once. This may be one of the times. In fact, it could cause the end of the world. Again, it might not."
"How frivolous of you," Payge said. "Calypsa, if Bozebos is in the possession of your grandfather, then he has no need of rescue, child. Bozebos is a most powerful magik ring, the most versatile of all rings ever made. I am surprised that you have never seen a demonstration of his talents, since he has belonged to your grandfather for so long. The Ring is not shy about his talent. If he were there, he would have protected your grandfather. With Bozebos's help, Calypso could have destroyed the castle, let alone set himself free. Are you certain he is in the dungeon?"
Calypsa looked bewildered. "Why would Barrik lie to me?"
"He was taken prisoner, Payge," Kelsa assured him. A pic-ture appeared in her depths of a Walt who looked like an elderly, male version of Calypsa, chains on his wrists and ankles, being rushed through the gates of a solid-black castle by a whole troop of long-snouted reptiles in black capes. "After that, I couldn't say. The spell is blocking me."
"I can counter the spell, with a little research," Payge said. "I am the one you need to bring with you, Calypsa of Walt. With me in your hand, you will be as great a wizard as any other that walks the dimensions. Barrik will not hold your grandfather prisoner for long."
"I've seen those critters before," Buirnie said, studying the reptilian guards flanking Calypso. "They're from Dilando. The Dile has very sensitive hearing. I can defeat them with music. They are vulnerable to my Compulsory Dance music. Mixed with a little of their own war songs, they won't know what hit them. Zildie, a one, a two, a three!"
He started to blatt out kazoo music. In spite of myself I found my feet moving. Tananda and I got up and boogied around the room. Calypsa rose to her feet and started twirling in helpless circles.
"Stop that!" I demanded. He paid no attention to me, but Ersatz bellowed.
"You are making my protege bounce up and down. It is most disconcerting."
"Whine, whine, whine," Buirnie said, but the kazoo music died away. "It's the answer, I tell you. Calypsa, carry me to the gate of the castle. I promise that they will be helpless before us."
"That won't unlock the prison cell, you pennywhistle," Asti said. "We need to take over their minds, and the bodies will follow. I have a potion, if poured into the well that serves the castle, will make them your willing slaves. All of them, including their master, will obey your every command."
"What if he doesn't drink water?" Ersatz said. "No, you must confront him, Calypsa. With me in your hand you cannot fail. Kill him, and your grandfather's freedom is assured."
"A bribe will do better," Chin-Hwag said. "I will determine if the henchmen are corruptible. Gold will do more to undermine any blood oaths that they have taken, I promise you. I have seldom met any creatures who, when acting with free will, would not take the money if they were certain that they wouldn't be caught."
"Oh, bosh," Kelsa said. "I know where the sewers open up, Calypsa, dear. I can guide you through to the dungeons. It is the simplest thing."
"I thought you said you could not see through the walls," Payge reminded her. "I have spells to undo Barrik's obfusca-tion. All I need is time to search through my memory. I can counter anything that he can throw. I will render them into your language, and you shall cast them. Have you ever done magik before, Calypsa?"
"No..."
"Hold hard, friend!" Ersatz said. "She cannot carry us all!"
"No, I fear she cannot. Therefore she must use the object with the greatest range of usefulness. That would be me."
"How now? You would attempt to suborn MY apprentice?"
I put my fingers in my mouth and whistled.
"Hold it! Hold it!"
The Hoard turned to look at me. Ersatz's eyes fastened upon mine. They were as sharp as his blade.
"What say you, friend Aahz? We are very busy."
"Busy? You're beating your chops! This doesn't sound like a coherent strategy. The idea's to break Calypso out of the dungeon, right? You each have your own plan! There's no cooperation. You're all talking, and no one is listening. Look, if you tried..."
"Enough," Ersatz said. "This does not concern you, friend Aahz. Pray let us continue uninterrupted."
They all turned back to their argument.
"I predict victory," Kelsa said. "But, only if you use my talents, Calypsa, dear. Don't pay attention to the others. I will be able to foresee your enemy's movements..."
"You cannot even see into the castle!" Ersatz boomed. "I will be your key and your guide, Calypsa. Follow my instructions. We will succeed!"