"Ummm… I think there's some kind of mistake here," I said desperately, trying to stop the madness before it progressed any further. "I'm not trying to find a new friend. I'm trying to locate a friend I already have who may be here in town."
He blinked several times as this news sank in. He started to turn back to his phones in an involuntary motion, then waved a hand at them in disgusted dismissal.
"Heck with it," he said with a sigh. "If they can come up with anything, I can always fob 'em off on someone else for a profit. Now then, let's try this again. You're looking for someone specific. Are they a townie or a transient? It would help if you gave me a little something to go on, you know."
He seemed a little annoyed, and I would have liked to do or say something to cheer him up. Before I could think of anything, however, my apprentice decided to join the conversation.
"This is quite a layout you've got, Fast Worker.
Mind if I ask exactly what it is you do?"
As always, Massha's "people sense" proved to be better than mine. The little vampire brightened noticeably at the compliment, and his chest puffed out as he launched into his narration.
"Well, the job was originally billed as Dispatcher… you know, as in Dispatcher of Nightmares. But anyway, like any job, it turned out to involve a lot of things that aren't on the job description. Now it's sort of a combination of dispatcher, travel agent, lost and found, and missing persons bureau."
"Nightmares?" I questioned, unable to contain myself.
"Sure. Anything that comes out of Limbo, be it dreams or the real thing, comes through here. Where're you from that you didn't know that?"
Obviously, I wasn't wild about continuing on the subject of our place of origin.
"Ahhh, can you really help us find our friend? He's new in town, like us."
"That's right. You're looking for someone. Sorry. I get a little carried away sometimes when I talk about my work. New in town, hmmm? Shouldn't be that hard to locate. We don't get that many visitors."
"He might be in jail," Massha blurted out before I realized what she was going to say.
"In jail?" The vampire frowned. "The only outsider in jail right now is… Say! Now I recognize you! The eyes threw me for a minute. You're Skeeve, aren't you?"
"Screen 97B!" he declared proudly, gesturing vaguely over his shoulder. "There's someone a dozen dimensions over from here, runs a hot dog stand, who features you in his most frequent nightmares. You, a dragon, and a Pervert. Am I correct in assuming that the current resident in our fair jail is none other than your sidekick Aahz?"
"To be correct, that's Pervect, not Pervert… but except for that you're right. That's my partner you've got locked up there, and we aim to get him out."
I was probably talking too much, but being recognized in a dimension I'd never heard of had thrown me off balance. Then again, the Dispatcher didn't seem all that hostile at the discovery. More curious than anything else.
"Well, well. Skeeve himself. I never expected to meet you in person. Sometime you must tell me what you did to that poor fellow to rate the number-one slot on his hit parade of nightmares."
"What about Aahz?" I said impatiently.
"You know he's up for murder, don't you?"
"Heard it. Don't believe it. He's a lot of things, but a murderer isn't one of them."
"There's a fair amount of evidence." Vilhelm shrugged. "But tell me. What's with the vampire getup. You're no more a vampire than I'm a Klahd."
"It's a long story. Let's just say it seemed to be the local uniform."
"Let's not," the dispatcher grinned. "Pull up a chair… free of charge, of course. I've got time and lots of questions about the other dimensions. Maybe we can trade a little information while you're here."
Chapter Seven
"I don't see anything thrilling about it!""
"I really don't see how you can drink that stuff," I declared, eyeing Vilhelm's goblet of blood.
"Funny," he smiled in return, "I was about to say the same thing. I mean, you know what W. C. Fields said about water!"
"No. What?"
"Now let me get this straight," Guido interrupted before I could get any answer. "You're sayin' you vampire guys don't really drink blood from people?"
"Oh, a few do," the Dispatcher said with a shrug. "But it's an acquired taste, like steak tartare. Some say it's a gourmet dish, but I could never stand the stuff myself. I'll stick with the inexpensive domestic varieties any night."
We were all sprawled around the Dispatcher's office at this point, sipping our respective drinks and getting into a pretty good rap session. We had pulled Guido in off door watch and I had dropped our disguises so my energy reserve wasn't being drained.
The Dispatcher had played with his phones, calling from one to the other. Then he put them all down and announced that he had them on "hold," a curious expression since it was the first time in half an hour he hadn't been holding one.
Vilhelm himself was turning out to be a priceless source of information, and, as promised, had a seemingly insatiable curiosity about otherworldly things.
"Then how do you account for all the vampire legends around the other dimensions," Massha said skeptically.
The Dispatcher made a face.
"First of all, you've got to realize who you're dealing with. Most of the ones who do extensive touring outside of Limbo are 'old money' types. We're talking about the idle rich… and that usually equates to bored thrill seekers. Working stiffs like me can't afford to take that kind of time away from our jobs. Heck, I can hardly manage to get my two weeks each year. Anyway, there are a lot more of us around the dimensions than you might realize. It's just that the level-headed ones are content to maintain a low profile and blend with the natives. They content themselves with the blood of domestic livestock, much the way we do here at home. It's the others that cause the problems. Like any group of tourists, there's always a few who feel that just because they're in another world or city, the rules don't apply… and that includes common manners and good taste. They're the ones who stir up trouble by getting the locals up in arms about 'bloodsucking monsters.' If it makes you feel any better, you human types have a pretty bad rep yourselves here in Limbo."
That caught my attention.
"Could you elaborate on that last point, Vilhelm?
What problem could the locals have with us?"
The Dispatcher laughed.
"The same one you humans have with us vampires. While humans aren't the leading cause of death in vampires any more than vampires are a leading cause of death in humans, it's certainly one of the more publicized and sensational ways to go."
"Is that why the first locals we met took off like bats out of hell… if you'll pardon the expression?" Massha asked.
"You've got it. I think you'll find that the citizens of Blut will react the same way to you that you would if you ran into a vampire in your home dimension."
"I don't notice you bein' particularly scared of us," Guido said suspiciously.
"One of the few advantages of this job. After a few years of. monitoring the other dimensions, you get pretty blase about demons. As far as I can tell, most of 'em are no worse than some of the folks we've got around here."
This was all very interesting, but I was getting a little fidgety about our mission.
"Since you know we aren't all evil or on a permanent vampire hunt, what can you tell us about the mess Aahz is in? Can you give us any help there?"
"I dunno," the Dispatcher said, rubbing his jaw thoughtfully. "Until I found out who he was, I was ready to believe he was guilty as sin. There's an awful lot of evidence against him."