Robert Asprin
Myth-ion Improbable
Author's Note
If this book is your first exposure to the Myth-Adventures of Aahz and Skeeve, there is no reason for you to read this note. Proceed directly to the main body of the work and enjoy.
If, however, you have been following this series for some time, some explanations are in order. Specifically, as to why you are now holding this volume instead of the long-awaited, long-promised episode titled Something M.Y.T.H. Inc.
As was noted in Author's Note of the previous volume, Sweet Myth-tery of Life (which was also late in being written), I have been going through some difficult times in my life. Since that volume was released in 1994, most of those difficulties revolved around a five-to-six-year death duel with the IRS over back taxes. The less said about that, the better.
When that matter was resolved in April of 2000, I re-applied myself to writing the two overdue MYTH novels, only to find myself in a dilemma. The first problem was that it had been over seven years since I had written Aahz and Skeeve, and it was extremely difficult after that long a hiatus to recapture the style and rhythm of the narration and dialogue that had made the series unique. To complicate things, the story I was attempting to convey, Something M.Y.T.H. Inc., was the most complex tale I had attempted in the MYTH series, as it not only involves multiple viewpoints, but also occurs simultaneously with events contained in Sweet Myth-tery of Life.
After nearly half a year of wrestling with these difficulties, a friend of mine made a suggestion. Specifically, why not write another, simpler story first... something from Skeeve's earlier days with Aahz. That would enable me to relearn the MYTH writing style, after which I could tackle the more convoluted story of Something M.Y.T.H. Inc.
The result is the volume you are currently holding. Sequentially, it occurs between volumes three-Myth-Direction-and four-Hit or Myth. (They will be republished in the combined omnibus Myth Adventures Two in February 2002 from Meisha Merlin Publishing, Inc.) If the plan holds, Something M.Y.T.H. Inc. will follow it VERY shortly.
As always, thank you for your loyalty and patience.
Robert Lynn Asprin February 2001
Chapter One
"Here we go again!"
C-3PO
When my teacher/mentor Aahz grumbles or rants about my being stupid or having done something stupid, I make a big show of being apologetic, but it really doesn't bother me all that much. I figure it goes with the territory and is part of the price of learning magik.
I mean, first of all, there's the point that Aahz is older than I am and has been around more. A lot more. He's an experi enced dimension traveler, or 'demon' for short, and compared to his knowledge and experience I really am stupid and naive.
Then, too, the dimension he hails from, Perv, is noted for its short-tempered, hostile inhabitants. Other dimension trav elers tend to avoid Perv whenever possible, and give the green, scaly Pervects a wide berth when encountering them in other dimensions.
To cap it all off, while he was once an accomplished magi cian himself, Aahz lost his powers when we met (See Another F ine Myth). Watching me fumble and stutter while learning what are, to him, some of the simplest, most rudimentary spells, all the while being aware that, at least for the time being, he's dependent on me in the magik department, is bound to make him a bit testy from time to time.
I can understand and accept it when I do something he thinks is stupid. When I do something that, in hindsight, I think is stupid.. .that's another matter entirely.
We were ensconced in the Royal Palace of the Kingdom of Possiltum, enjoying my cushy position as the Royal Court Magician, a job that Aahz had coached me through the auditions for. That is, Aahz was enjoying it. For him it was
comfortable surroundings and a steady, generous salary. For me, it was living in constant close contact with a grouchy demon who seemed determined that I practice my magik lessons night and day.
Needless to say, this gets boring after a while. The few adventures I had been on since I had apprenticed myself to Aahz had whetted my appetite for travel, and I was eager for more. Unfortunately, Aahz steadfastly refused to even start teaching me how to dimension-travel on my own, saying it was far too dangerous for someone with my meager magikal abilities.
That's when I decided to try something really stupid. I decided to try to outwit Aahz and trick him into taking me dimension traveling again.
An item had come to hand that I thought might be just the ticket, so one afternoon when he seemed a bit bored himself, I sprang it on him.
"Aahz," I said, holding out a folded piece of parchment to him, "I think you should take a look at this."
Aahz glared at the paper in my hand as if it might bite him. And when someone from Perv glares, it is really something to see.
"And just what is that?"
"It looks like a map." I shrugged. Actually, I knew it was a map. While Tanda and I had been jumping dimensions, shopping for a birthday present for Aahz, I had been offered this map by a beggar on a street corner. Since Tanda had been, at that moment, off talking to some sort of businessmen of that dimension, I had bought the map for a few coins, thinking it would be a fun small gift. I had stuck the map in my belt pouch, and then proceeded to forget about it because of all the problems with the Big Game three dimensions later. Actually, forgetting about the map was entirely understandable, since Tanda ended up captured and our main focus was on freeing her. And the only way we could free her was by winning the game. So forgetting the map was reasonable. I had had enough on my mind.
But today, while searching through my pouch for some thing else, I found the map. While I honestly didn't know what it was, I thought it might be what I needed to bait Aahz into taking me dimension traveling again.
Aahz still wasn't about to touch the parchment. He mo tioned to the fire.
"Throw it in there and then get back to your practice."
"I'm done with my practice," I said.
"You're never done with your practice."
I ignored him and pushed on.
"Besides, I paid good coins for this map."
That was my trump card. If there's anything Aahz hates, it's wasting money. He got angry with me every time my dragon, Gleep, tore up something while playing, and the cost of repairs were taken from my wages. When it came to my money, Aahz was in complete control. And by the way he talked, we were always broke and about to go hungry.
"A scam, I'm sure," Aahz said, turning away. "Just like you to waste money."
I frowned. This was going to be harder than I thought. Normally, if there was any chance of making money at any thing, he jumped at it.
Then it dawned on me I hadn't told him what the map led to.
"Aahz," I said to his back.
He didn't move. Instead he just kept staring out the win dow at the courtyard.
"Aahz, you might really want to look at this. It's a map to a creature called a cow."
"So?" Aahz said, shaking his head. "Remember the last time we were at the Bazaar at Deva? Where do you think that steak you ate came from?"