I was still examining this concept when we pulled up to the curb in front of the hotel.
"Here we are, Skeeve," Edvick said, swiveling around in his seat. "Are you sure you aren't going to need me anymore?"
"There's no point," I sighed, passing him his check. "I've run out of ideas and time. I'd like to thank you for your help, though. You've been much more than a driver and guide to me during my stay here. I've added a little extra onto the check as a bit more tangible expression of my gratitude."
Actually I had added a lot more onto it. The cabbie glanced at the figure and beamed happily.
"Hey, thanks, Skeeve. I'm sorry you couldn't find your friend."
"That's the way it goes sometimes," I shrugged. "Take care of yourself, Edvick. If you ever make it to Deva, look me up and I'll show you around my dimension for a change."
"I just might take you up on that," the cabbie waved as I let myself out onto the street.
Pookie had popped out of the taxi as soon as we stopped, so it seemed I was going to have to settle accounts with her out in the open.
"Pookie, I..."
"Heads up, Skeeve," she murmured, not looking at me. "I think we've got problems."
I followed her gaze with my eyes. Two uniformed policemen were bracketing the door to my hotel. At the sight of me, they started forward with expressions of grim determination on their faces.
Chapter Nineteen:
"I am not a crook!"
—ANY CROOK
"ZAT EES HEEM! Ze third from ze right!" Even with the floodlights full in my face, I had no difficulty recognizing the voice which floated up to me from the unseen area in the room beyond the lights. It was the waiter I had clashed with the first night I was on Perv. The one who claimed I had tried to avoid paying for my meal by fainting.
I wasn't surprised by his ability to identify me in the lineup. First of all, I had no reason to suspect his powers of observation and recall were lacking. More important, of all the individuals in the line up, I was the only one who wasn't a Pervect. What's more, all the others were uniformed policemen! Nothing like a nice, impartial setup, and this was just that... nothing like a nice, impartial setup.
What did surprise me was that I didn't seem to be the least bit upset by the situation. Usually, in a crisis like this, I would either be extremely upset or too angry to care. This time, however, I simply felt a bit bemused. In fact, I felt so relaxed and in control of myself and the situation, I decided to have a bit of fun with it... just to break the monotony.
"Look again, sir. Are you absolutely sure?" I knew that voice, too. It was the captain who had given J.R. and me so much grief the last time I had the pleasure of enjoying police hospitality. Before the waiter could respond, I used my disguise spell and switched places with the policeman standing next to me.
"I am sure. He ees the third...no, the second from the right!"
"What?"
Resisting the urge to grin, I went to work again, this time changing everyone in the lineup so they were identical images of me.
"But... but thees ees imposs-ible!"
"MISTER Skeeve. If you don't mind?"
"Excuse me, captain?" I said innocently.
"We'd appreciate it a lot if you'd quit playing games with the witnesses!"
"That makes us even," I smiled. "I'd appreciate it if you quit playing games with me! However, I think I've made my point."
I let the disguise spell drop, leaving the policemen in the lineup to glare suspiciously at each other as well as at me. "What point is that?"
"That this whole lineup thing is silly. We'll ignore the bit with putting all of your colleagues up here with me for the moment and assume you were playing it straight. My point is that I'm not the only one who knows how to use a disguise spell. Anyone who's laid eyes on me or seen a picture of me could use a disguise spell well enough to fool the average witness. That invalidates the lineup identification as evidence. All you've established is that someone with access to my image has been seen by the witness... not that I personally, was anywhere near him." There was a long silence beyond the lights.
"You're denying having had any contact with the witness? I take it you recognize his voice."
"That's a rather transparent catch question. Captain," I laughed. "If I admit to recognizing his voice, then at the same time I'm admitting to having had contact with him. Right?"
I was starting to actually enjoy myself. "As a matter of fact, I'm willing to admit I've had dealings with your witness there. Also with the doorman and bellhop, as well as the other people you've dragged in to identify me. I was just questioning the validity of your procedure. It seems to me that you're putting yourself and everyone else through a lot of trouble that, by itself, won't yield any usable results. If you want information about me and my movements, why don't you just ask me directly instead of going through all this foolishness?"
The floodlights went out suddenly, leaving me even more blinded than when they had been on.
"All right. Mister Skeeve. We'll try it your way. If you'll be so good as to follow me down to one of our ‘interview' rooms?"
Even "trying it my way" was more hassle than I expected or liked. True, I was out from in front of the floodlights, but there were enough people crowded into the small "interview room" to make me feel like I was still on exhibition.
"Really, Captain," I said, sweeping the small crowd with my eyes. "Is all this really necessary?"
"As a matter of fact, it is," he retorted. "I want to have witnesses to everything you say as well as a transcript of our little conversation. I suppose I should inform you that anything you say can and may be used against you in court. What's more, you're entitled to an attorney for advice during this questioning, either one of your choice or one of those on call to the court. Now, do we continue or shall we wait for a legal advisor?"
My feeling of control dimmed a bit. Somehow, this seemed much more serious than my last visit. "Am I being charged with anything?"
"Not yet," the captain said. "We'll see how the questioning goes."
I had been thinking of trying to get in touch with Shai-ster, one of the Mob's lawyers. It occurred to me, however, that just having access to him might damage the image I was attempting to project of an innocent, injured citizen.
"Then I'll give the questioning a shot on my own," I said. "I may holler for legal help if it get's too rough, though."
"Suit yourself," the policeman shrugged, picking up the sheaf of papers he had brought in with him. Something in his manner made me think I had just made the wrong choice in not insisting on having a lawyer. Nervously, I began to chatter, fishing for reassurance that things really weren't as bad as they were starting to seem.
"Actually, Captain, I'm a little surprised that I'm here. I thought we had covered everything pretty well my last visit."
The police who had picked me up in front of my hotel and delivered me to the station had been extremely tight lipped. Beyond the simple statement that' ‘The captain wants to see you," they hadn't given the slightest indication of why I was being pulled in.
"Oh, the IDs were just to confirm we were dealing with the right person," the captain smiled. "A point you have very generously conceded. As to why you're here, it seems there are one or two minor things we didn't cover the last time we chatted."