And she killed him. Nanette was sure of it, although she’d never seen the body. Damn her.
She cleared her throat. “I’m going to have to lecture,” she said. “Are you ready?”
“Yes.” Lillian looked as if she’d be happy to listen to Nanette reading anything. “I’m ready.”
Nanette smiled. “The wimp is one of the two most despised characters in and out of school,” she said. “Part of that is because the wimp attracts bullies like flies to shit. Part of that is because the wimp, being unable to defend him or herself, is unable to defend anyone else either. And once you start on that downward trajectory, it is very hard to turn around and start climbing up again.”
She studied Lillian for a long moment. “You’re projecting an air of weakness,” she said, flatly. “You look weak, so others — boys as well as girls — will pick on you. You’ll be trained into helplessness before you even realise what’s happened, let alone do something about it. You have to learn to project both the appearance of power and actual power. Hold your head up higher, brush back your hair and don’t let them see it hurts.”
“I don’t know where to begin,” Lillian said.
“Hold your head up high and look me in the eye,” Nanette ordered, patiently. “And tell yourself you can hurt me if I try to hurt you.”
Lillian tried, but failed. Nanette kept her expression carefully blank. She didn’t know how Emily had turned Frieda into a powerful and capable magician. Frieda had been a Shadow, far more beaten down than Lillian… Nanette forced herself to remember Aurelius’s teachings. He’d pointed out, more than once, that all the strength in the world was meaningless without the will and confidence to use it. Nanette supposed she’d never been quite as beaten down as Frieda or Lillian. She’d known she had power. She just hadn’t known how much.
And I was ruthless enough to risk killing my mistress, she reminded herself, dryly. She knew she’d been lucky. Aurelius would have been quite within his rights to expel her on the spot and badmouth her to the other magic schools. Lillian isn’t quite at that stage.
“You need to focus more on offensive magic,” she said. “And practice your defences as well.”
“I don’t know where to begin,” Lillian admitted.
Nanette smiled, then started to guide her through a series of basic protective spells. None of them were particularly strong — a powerful magician could batter them down through raw power alone — but they’d give Lillian a chance to strike back. Or simply get out of the way while mustering a counterattack. She found herself enjoying the experience — again — as she switched to more offensive spells, from sneaky pranks to nastier hexes that would teach anyone who tried to hurt her a lesson.
“Make sure you protect your property as well,” she said, as the bell rang. “You have a trunk?”
Lillian nodded. “Of course. Doesn’t everyone?”
“No.” Nanette shrugged. “If it’s not an enchanted trunk, someone’s probably already taken a peek inside. Make sure you protect it before they do something worse.”
“I…” Lillian swallowed and started again. “I thought that was forbidden.”
Nanette raised her eyebrows. “So is picking on younger students,” she said. Aurelius had told her, more than once, that merely passing laws against crime was pointless. There were people who’d do something criminal merely for the thrill. Breaking into someone’s trunk was forbidden, but she knew students who’d done it. They’d found it enjoyable. “Make sure your trunk is secure before you use it to store anything… well, anything you don’t want someone else to know about.”
Lillian coloured. “I don’t have anything to hide.”
“Everyone says that,” Nanette said. There was always something, from a harmless schoolgirl crush to criminal misconduct. “And everyone is lying.”
She snorted at the thought as she stood. “I want you to practice the spells I showed you,” she said. “And I want you to go through your previous essays and see if you can do them better.”
“I’ll do my best,” Lillian said. “I… why are people so… so…?”
“Horrible?” Nanette made a face. “Power. It’s all about power.”
Lillian looked doubtful. “Really?”
“Yeah.” Nanette shrugged. “Among mundanes, there’s physical power” — she clenched a fist — “and social power. A strong man has physical power, which he can turn into social power; a weak man can still manipulate social power, but rarely hold it in the face of physical opposition. Women have far less physical power — very few women can beat a man in a fistfight — which encourages them to develop social power to levels men find impossible to grasp. And the stupider amongst the men find that either irritating or amusing.”
She felt a sudden wave of bitterness. “Magic levels the playing field. A woman can meet a man on even terms. Right now, the most fearsome magician in the world is a woman. I suppose it isn’t a surprise that women, given equal power to men, act like men.”
“I don’t understand,” Lillian confessed.
“You will.” Nanette ran a hand though her hair. She’d said too much. Nadine wouldn’t be so ruthlessly cynical. She might understand her society intellectually, but she wouldn’t feel it until someone showed her just how defenceless she truly was. And really… she’d shown too much competence. Emily had the excuse of being the Child of Destiny. Everyone expected her to be brilliant. “Believe me, you will.”
Lillian stood and hugged her, tightly. “Thank you,” she said. “I… thank you.”
“Perhaps you can do something for me in exchange,” Nanette said, awkwardly. She had to find a way to use the girl, if only to give her some cover afterwards. “When I ask you to do something, will you do it?”
“Anything,” Lillian said. “Anything at all.”
Nanette watched her go, feeling torn between guilt and grim amusement. Lillian really reminded her of herself, yet… she’d never made such a foolhardy promise. She’d never pledged herself to a stranger, with no idea of what he’d demand of her. Or had she? She’d devoted herself to Aurelius, then Cloak…
Not that it matters, she told herself, firmly. The plan was starting to take shape. It just needed some fine-tuning. I won’t stay here long enough for it to matter.
Chapter 8
“You shouldn’t be spending so much time with that firstie,” Penny said, as they bent their heads over the parchments. “People are starting to talk.”
“It’s only been a week,” Nanette pointed out, dryly. “And I have orders to mentor her.”
“Which is all that’s stopping some of the nastier rumours from getting any traction,” Penny snapped. “You do realise she’s got a pash on you?”
And you’re jealous, Nanette thought. It was fairly clear that Penny had a pash on her. She never wasted a moment to spend time with Nanette, practicing everything from etiquette to dancing when they weren’t working on the flying display. You want me to spend more time with you.