Now she’d let Carl right into her soul. Just like that, on their second date! What if he turned out to be abusive or crazy? She didn’t think he was, but she could be wrong.
“Aww, Master, why did you have to leave me?” she said to the ceiling. She wished she could talk to him for a few minutes, just long enough for him to reassure her that she’d done the right thing. He’d know, even if she didn’t.
The irony was that she longed to give herself totally to another man. No one came close. Before Frank, there’d been a brief fling with Charlie, but he’d been far too selfish to stay with for long. Yet even then, she could recall wanting to tell him about Stephen, about her life with him, how much he had meant to her, what kind of games they had played. Caution had stilled her tongue. And it had served her well. Neither Charlie nor Frank would’ve been able to handle it. They would’ve used her submissiveness against her.
What would Carl do? Would he give her the same intense, electric feelings she’d had from Stephen? Would he tease her into powerful orgasms, make her shudder with relief, cry with joy? Or would he go too far, make her regret her indiscretion?
“Well, the cat’s out of the bag now,” she said to her dead lover, “so we’ll just see what happens.”
With that, DeeDee went to bed and fell asleep instantly, exhausted and, for the first time in months, completely satisfied.
She awoke to the telephone. She checked the clock. Eight-fifteen. That surprised her—she usually didn’t sleep so late. Then she smiled, remembering why she had slept so soundly.
She reached for the phone. “Hello?”
“DeeDee?” It was Carl.
She felt a bit lightheaded. “Hi, Carl. You’re calling early.”
“I wanted to call and let you know how much I enjoyed our date last night…”
DeeDee felt a flush in her cheeks. She didn’t know quite how to respond.
“…and to let you know, I understand that this all happened rather suddenly. Maybe you’re having some doubts about me, or about what my intentions are. I thought I’d take you to lunch so we could talk about it.”
DeeDee flopped back on her pillow and held a hand to her head. Jeez! Is this guy for real? That’s so sweet!
“Well, sure. But I thought you had to work.”
“I do. I’m working now. But I always have time for lunch.”
“Okay.”
“Great. I’ll come by and pick you up at noon.”
“Wait. Carl, rather than drive me to some restaurant where we’ll have to speak in whispers, why don’t I just fix you a sandwich here and we can talk?”
“Are you sure? That’d be great. I’ll see you soon.”
She hung up, surprised at how rapidly her heart was beating. She didn’t know if it was a reaction to his kindness or just from hearing his voice. She rubbed her thighs together, delighting in the slippery sensations it created. God, he’d made her wet with just a handful of words. What was she going to be like when he came over?
“I’ll be a horny mess,” she said aloud, then giggled. She got up and headed for the shower.
Right at noon, the doorbell rang. DeeDee checked herself in the mirror one last time. She had on a t-shirt and shorts—no underwear, of course. She noticed how her nipples pressed hard against her shirt. She could feel herself getting wet again. Calm down, girl! She made sure her makeup was in place then went to the door.
Her heart fluttered when she saw Carl again, dressed for work in slacks and a blue shirt. Don’t be a schoolgirl!
“Hi. Come on in.”
He entered awkwardly. He didn’t seem to know if he should kiss her or rip off her clothes and ravish her. She wasn’t sure what she wanted either. Her body told a different story. It vibrated in his presence.
Finally, he leaned in and kissed her. She met his lips hungrily, giving him encouragement. After several seconds, he pulled back. She glanced down and was pleased to see the bulge in his pants. He seemed as awkward as a nerd at the prom.
“I’ve got lunch all ready. Come on into the kitchen.” She led the way.
The kitchen was immaculate. Two plates with sandwiches were set up on the small table.
“Hope you like tunafish,” she said, trying to ease the tension—sexual and otherwise—that permeated the air between them. “It’s all I had.”
“Tunafish is great. I love tunafish.” He quickly sat down and DeeDee suspected he was trying to hide his erection. Whatever for?
“What would you like to drink? I have iced tea, beer, water…”
“Iced tea would be fine.”
She poured them each a glass, then sat down across from him. He picked up a sandwich and took a small bite. “Delicious.”
She waited. She almost enjoyed his discomfort. It made her believe he really cared about her feelings. Which was funny, because just seeing him here again made her want a repeat of last night. She wanted him to be in charge.
“Um, I thought we should talk about last night.”
“Yes?” She batted her eyes innocently.
“Well, I wanted to make sure you felt okay about it. You know, it was kinda intense.”
DeeDee smiled. Yes, it certainly was that. She wanted to make him feel better about it. She put a hand on his arm. “It’s all right, Carl. I know what you’re feeling today. I felt it too. I haven’t felt that way since Stephen died.”
“Really? That’s good, isn’t it?” He paused then frowned. “I mean, it doesn’t stir up painful memories, does it?”
“No, only the good ones.”
“So you really like that…um…lifestyle.”
“Yes, I do. It surprises me too. I grew up as a modern, liberated woman, but suddenly, I found myself craving what Stephen gave me. Are you shocked?”
“Shocked? Hell no. You’re like every man’s wet dream.” He blushed. “I mean that in a good way.”
She laughed. “Trust me, I know. I like the anticipation as much as you do.”
“That’s it, isn’t it? The anticipation before the event. The lack of underwear was just the first sign. This Stephen must’ve read you pretty well.”
She took a bite of her sandwich to delay her answer. “It’s strange, sitting here, talking to my new lover about my old lover.”
“Yeah. It is, isn’t it?”
“I mean most men wouldn’t even want to think about any other men in my life. But you seem eager to hear all the details.”
“Well, I admire him. And I envy him too.”
“Why? Because he knew how to push my buttons?”
“Yes, that and he seemed so confident. In charge.”
DeeDee nodded. She ate some more. Silence fell between them. “You worry that you can’t be that confident?”
He shrugged. “I feel confident with women. Most women. But I’m always trying to tread lightly, not to say or do the wrong thing, you know. Some women are pretty touchy about equality and all.”
“Well, sure. We only got the vote sixty years ago. We tend to be touchy.”
“Then why do you like to be subservient?”
“If I had to use my amateur psychology, I’d say it was because I lost my father when I was young. He was a strong but caring person and I think I really missed having that in my life.”
Carl’s eyes reflected his empathy with the painful memory. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”
“No. We’ve gone too far to stop now. Don’t you think?”
“That’s what I wanted to talk about. I’ve never felt as masculine as I did last night. It was a rush.” He laughed. “Like being a caveman again. Today, I’m thinking I dreamt it, that maybe you’ll be angry or embarrassed. But you’re saying, it’s okay. You enjoyed it too.”
“Yes.” She waited.
He finished his sandwich slowly, not responding. But DeeDee could see his stature change. He sat more erect. His face glowed with confidence and strength. She couldn’t help but grin.