Ah said tae Regula an’ aw: ah kinda liked this guy. Ah didnae know why masel, ahd taken tae the guy but.
An’ then, like ah said, we went up the steep path.
Dammit, Goalie, Regula went, noo ivry time we’re doon in the village, we’re goney hiv tae climb back up tae go tae bed.
Dont fret, Regi. It’s only the first time it’ll seem faur an’ steep. It’s only cos wur aw o’er the shop an’ hiv the bags, above aw. Themorra or the day eftir, ye’ll naw even notice this wee hill. That’s the nicest thing aboot tryin tae encourage someone. Try tae encourage someone an’ ye automatically encourage yirsel at the same time.
The hoose wisnae as cauld as we feared. It hid they wee propane radiant heaters in aw the rooms, an’ if ye let the radiators radiate a bit, the place heats up fast. In addition tae that, the Hector guy who looks eftir the hoose hid done a perfect joab ae airin the place an’ pit oot clean bed-linen fur us. Ah tellt him wee Stofer said hello an’ stressed a few times we hid ivrythin we needed an’ of course, it wis aw the way it shid be an’ manymanythanks again an’ naw, we didnae need anythin else. We wur glad when he finally left us. Alane.
A guid hoose, way too big fur the two ae us, naw that ah wis givin a monkey’s fuck aboot that. It his three flairs. Doonstairs, the kitchen an’ livin room, wi access tae the garden, plus a bathroom an’ two bedrooms. Upstairs, anither four bedrooms an’ anither bathroom an’ a large terrace. Right at the top: smaller rooms fur the staff. Naw bad, ah like even jist the idea ae that, ah tellt Regula: servants quarters.
Eftir that, ah let her choose a room. She lay doon furra bit, wis still a bit tired eftir the journey an’ that. That wis fine by me. Cos, when ahm new in a strange place, ah like tae find ma bearins masel first. So ah wis like that tae her: you go ahead an’ grab some kip an’ ah’ll go doon tae the village fur an oor or two an’ get us summit nice tae eat.
The village widda taken ten minutes tae go roon, specially in winter when ivry shop, nearly, an’ ivry guesthoose is closed. Ah found a nice bar nivvertheless but an’ when Regi comes in the door, ah look at ma watch an’ realise ahv awready spent four oors in here fur sure, that it’s dork ootside awready, an’ ahm pissed awready fae this aniseed brandy that goes doon like oil an’ definitely hits the spot, only but when yir naw expectin it any mair, sorta.
Add tae that the fact ahd made friends wi two young wimmen who wur parliamoin English tae me an’ smokin wan joint eftir the fuckin ither, which didnae seem tae bother any ither cunt there, the guy at the bar least ae aw: he’d the occasional draw himsel, then nivver forgot tae offer me some.
Och, look who it is, Regula! Hid ye tae look fur me fur long? Ahm sorry, ah lost track ae the time.
She’s like that: nae problem — an’ smiles.
An’ in ma very wonky secondary-school English, ah gave it: Look Alberto, this is Regula, and Regula, this is Isabel, and, and, and, an’ then — in the fog ae the aniseed brandy — the name ae the ither lassie widnae come tae me, it didnae matter but: she jist laughed an’ introduced hersel. Hello Regula, nice to meet you, her name wis Imma, by the way, an’ did she want a drink an’ aw? An’ itherwise: cool, ivrythin wis cool.
Regula really wisnae angry. Naw at aw. Even if she musta seen fae the fuckin door whit shape ah wis in. Whit d’ye expect but? If two ae ye ur away on holiday an’ wan ae the two his hid way too much beer awready, ye hiv several possibilities: ye kin get angry, which disnae actually help nae cunt, ye kin start knockin it back as fast as poss tae try an’ catch up so yir naw in the wrang film any mair, or ye can jist think: he’s him an’ ahm me an’ themorra’s anither day. Ah think that last option is whit Regula done that night.
Did ye get tae the shops, Goalie?
Oh shit, ah completely forgot, an nipped in furra quick drink, jist tae tide me o’er, then it totally went ootae ma mind. Ahm sorry. Listen but, ahm sure we kin get summit tae eat here.
We’ll need tae get tae the shops at some point but. So wiv coffee, milk an’ breid fur themorra.
Yir naw so completely aff the mark wi that observation eether. Hiv ye money? Look, ah changed loads. Naw, go on, take it. Look, here’s whit ah suggest, you go theday an’ ah’ll go themorra cos, thenoo, ahd rather jist sit oan here a wee minute — cos here ah can haud ontae the chrome steel an’ at the supermarket ah kid only haud ontae the shoppin trolley. They things ur known tae move but.
Yir a blabber, Goalie, she said an’ left. She’d come back an’ get me. Then we’d go an’ rustle summit up.
Know summit but? Things tend naw tae go as easily as that. When she came back tae get me — wi two paper bags full ae stuff — ah tellt her naw tae rush things. It wid be shrewder tae hiv a drink wi us first. Then ah tried tae introduce the landlord an’ the two wimmen, by this time but ah only knew the landlord’s name, look, this is Alfredo, naw wait, Alberto. Was it Alfredo or Alberto? Then but, Regula said it wis awright, ahd awready introduced ivrywan, an’ that wis fine by me cos some folk take the hump when ye cannae mind their names.
We did then go hame at some point eftir aw an’ we cooked an’ aw. That is: she did, mair like, cos ah — ah didnae see the need. It wis guid craic anyhow but, we rambled oan an’ oan. Naw aboot problems an’ the like. Naw, we wur exchangin stories mair like, which is summit ye kin dae best when folk still dont really know each ither really, when yiv naw tellt the best yins a hunner times afore yet. Ah first fell asleep at the table an’ when ah woke up wi a stiff neck, Regula’d awready hit the sack. So ah got between the blankets too. Naw hers but. Naw, ma ain. We wur jist guid friends eftir aw: guid friends who go oan holiday thegither an’ that, fuckit. An’ anyhoo: it wis howivver late it wis.
16
The time in wee Stofer’s hoose whizzed past. Sometimes we jist went tae go an’ look an’ see the sea move. An’ sometimes we walked along these hills jist, turnin oor backs tae the sea. In between times, we went back an’ forth oan the ferry, jist tae be oan a ship like. The locals thought we wur mad. Fur them, the ferry wis jist a means ae transport jist, an’ naw a tourist attraction. Ahm sure but that even the wans that thought oor ferryin to an’ fro wis mad wid choose the boat, if — fur the sake ae argument — they wur oan a summer holiday in Thun an’ kid choose whether tae take the train or the boat tae Interlaken. Whit ahm tryin tae say is: at hame in Switzerland, ah almost nivver take a boat, abroad ah nearly always dae but. Cos holidays ur holidays. An’ holidays only make sense if ye dae things diffrint fae in yir ivryday life.
Regula an’ ah finally hid time tae dae some serious talkin. Ah tellt her ah loved her an’ wantit her, aw the stuff ye say if ye mean it. Ah meant it. She wis still a bit defensive but, said naw tae spin her so many yarns, tae be mair economical wi ma endless stories. She wis convinced, ye see: wance ah ran ootae stories, ahd nae longer love her.
That’s possible, of course. Oan the ither haun but: whit did Regula mean by ‘ran ootae stories’? How dis she know hoo many stories ah hiv tae tell? Stories urnae like teeth, they dont grow in twice, then that’s it. Yiv hid aw yir gettin. Naw, stories urnae like crude fuckin oil, where yiv only a certain amoont an’ wance they reserves ur gone, yir fuckt — it’ll be a few million years afore there’s new stuff. Naw, stories grow back in. There’s an infinite supply ae them. Try tellin that tae Regula but, who’s worried cos it’s finally clicked ahm in love wi her.
That right, Goalie? Wance yiv ran ootae stories, ye willnae love me any mair?