There we hiv it.
Hiv whit?
Nuthin, ah jist said there we hiv it cos ahm right. Cos ah knew Stofer trained wi the post office.
D’ye know why he left back then?
Naw. Go on but — tell me.
Paule hesitates, looks roon, then speaks a bit mair quietly: word hid it, his arithmetic wis a bit too original. Know whit ah mean?
Wis he a gangster back in they days even?
Shoosh! Naw sae loud, Goalie. Ah dont know any mair than that. The wan thing ah dae know is: it wis said back then he wis embezzling. Naw huge amounts, as faur as ah know. Still but. They confronted him wi it. He admitted it. Wis fired oan the spot. Wis tellt tae leave. An’ that wis it: end of.
He wisnae charged?
Faur as ah know, naw. Ye know but: it takes a lot fur someone in the post office tae be charged. Ah know ae wan colleague who wis supposed tae deliver letters. Ye might naw think so, it’s a sensitive job but: ye nivver know whit kinda letters yir cairryin roon. There kid be money in wan ae they letters, or summit else important. Okay, so this colleague’s goin up Hinterbergweg wi his delivery cart. There wis shitloads ae snow, so hawfway up, it occurs tae him he kid leave the cart at the side ae the path an’ jist cairry the letters he needs. Wur naw allowed tae dae that but, ye know? Wur naw allowed tae leave the letters unattended. That’s totally standard practice, it’s a question ae responsibility, as ye learn right at the start ae yir trainin. Anyway: while the postie wis deliverin his letters, a snowball fight started. Next thing, schoolboys wur takin cover behind the guy’s cart. The ither boys bombarded them wi snowballs. Course, aw these snowballs landed in the cart. Postie didnae notice till later but, by which time aw the fuckin letters wur soakin fuckin wet. That wis nae trivial matter, Goalie. Guy works oan an assembly line these days. Whit ahm sayin is: even if it wis a huge deal an’ he wis redeployed internally, he wisnae charged. Jist like Stofer wisnae later.
Whit dae ye say, Paule, will we hiv anither coffee? Wi schnapps, of course. — It’s oan me.
Wi schnapps? Ah shid go easy on the coffee, Goalie. Ahv a delicate stomach. It runs in the family, ma faither wis the same.
C’mon, that wont matter. In a guid coffee wi schnapps, there’s hardly any coffee anyhoo.
Paule’s still a bit wary still. He’s probably feart ahm goney hiv a go at him.
Regula, can ye get me two coffees, wi schnapps in them. Pit a loatae love into it but eh.
We carry oan talkin furra guid while, the postie an’ me. Ahv the feelin the hale time he wants tae tell me summit important. Pesche, the landlord, his an eye oan oor table throughoot. Regula’s lettin oan she’s busy. The clock above the bar — wi advertisin fur fuckin Cinzano oan it — stopped a long time ago. Noo the postie whispers:
D’ye know who wis workin oan the same counter as Stofer back then?
Oot wi it, Paule. Mon, oot wi it, ma son.
Paule looks roon the lounge, sees the landlord’s naw there any mair, lowers his eyes tae look at the table, then says sae quietly ah kin hardly hear him even if he’s whisperin straight in ma ear: Pesche.
Yir kiddin!
Tellin ye, Goalie. Ahm naw feedin ye a load ae shit. He wis part ae it an’ aw, back then. That scam. The two ae them thegither, Stofer an’ Pesche. They wur caught an’ thrown oot. Part fae that, nowt happened tae them but. The post office didnae want any scandal.
Pesche an’ aw? Ye sure, Paule?
Hunner percent.
Anither two coffees, Regula, wi a bloody guid dash in them. Be sae kind, eh?
We talked fur anither bit. Aboot nuthin at aw. Paule then left at some point an’ ah stood up tae go an’ aw.
Goalie, we goney see each ither at some point? Regula asks.
Any time ye want, ah said, pleased she wis askin whit ah wantit tae ask but didnae dare tae.
Whit ye daein themorra?
At ma work till lunchtime.
Ahm off in the evenin. Kin ah come tae yours? Aboot six?
Course ye can. That’ll be great.
Ah said ma goodbyes, pit ma jacket an’ scarf oan, pulled the zip right up an’ headed hame.
At hame, ah got the hoover oot an’ the cleanin stuff an’ freshened the place up a bit. Ah cleaned the bathroom an’ aw. That needed it maist. Then ah took a blank piece ae paper an’ wrote a few things doon. Nuthin spectacular. Ah jist wantit tae sort oot ma thoughts a bit. Whit’s goin oan wi Pesche? Where dis Pesche staun wi Uli? An’ wi Stofer? Who exactly dis the hoose in Spain belang tae? Whose money did wee Stofer use tae buy it? An’ whit his the French guy tae dae wi aw this? Those wur the kindae questions that came intae ma heid an’ that ah wrote doon jist. Wi’oot any idea ae when an’ how ah wis supposed tae answer them.
When Regula arrived the next evenin, the place looked brand new, jist aboot. She noticed an’ praised me. Ah wis glad she wis in a better mood wi me. Ah wis determined naw tae haver oan sae much. An’ tae gi’e her a bit ae space.
So c’mon, tell me, Regi, howz things?
Nuthin ootae the ordinary. Things ur awright. Ahm livin at ma sister’s place fur the mo. Ahv tellt her aboot you an’ oor Spanish trip, by the way.
Mibbe that wisnae such a guid idea.
How naw? She wis pleased fur me anyhow. An’ guess whit the best bit wis? When ah tellt her aboot you, ahd the feelin ah know ye much better than ah thought. Ah talked an’ talked an’ ma sister wis listenin, aw intristit, an’ suddenly she wantit tae know how folk call ye Goalie. That’s when ah realised ah didnae know masel.
Ahm asked that aw the time.
Yiv nivver tellt me. The only thing ah know is: yir real name’s Ernst. Naw that any wan oan this earth calls ye Ernst. Jist as well, by the way. The name Ernst totally disnae suit ye cos, firstly, yir almost nivver earnest. An’ secondly, absolutely nae way is Ernst the right name fur a member ae oor generation.
Hey, hang oan! Ernst isnae a bad name. Ernesto wis Che Guevara’s name, even.
Ernst disnae suit ye but.
So Goalie suits me better?
Obviously. It’s better than Ernst anyhow. Anythin wid be better than Ernst, tae tell the God’s honest truth. How dae they call ye that, Goalie?
It’s a long story.
Tell me it but. Please — Wiv plenty ae time.
It’s naw as intristin as ye mibbe hope.
Disnae matter. Ahm in the mood fur listenin.
Ye know Uli, right?
That wisnae the best way tae start, obviously. Regula screwed her mooth up as if she’d just eaten summit bitter. She didnae say anythin. Ye didnae hiv tae be an expert but tae notice she didnae think much ae Uli.
Ah know, Regi, ah know. Uli’s reputation isnae the best. An’ tae add tae that, he’s in some kinda temporary low at the mo. That disnae alter the fact but that he’s ma auldest friend. Uli an’ me grew up thegither. An’ that coonts. A loat.
Ah think yiv tellt me that before.
Then mibbe ahv tellt ye an’ aw that we often played fitba thegither. The nickname originates fae back then.
Wur ye always in goal?
Naw, naw at all. That’s the mistake ivryone makes.
How d’ye say then ye wur given the nickname back when yis wur playin?
Ye see, Regula, when schoolboys play fitba — ah mean: when they really play, pick teams first an’ that — naebody normally wants tae go in goal. Normal wee boys want tae score goals, naw stop them. That’s jist the way it is. In the nature ae things. Even when it comes tae real players, the wans who make it big, wans ye see on TV, the forwards ur normally much richer an’ much mair famous than the goalkeepers. That his its ain logic. A goal is always a goal. When a goalie makes a save but, ye cannae aye tell if the baw wid’ve gone in otherwise, or naw. Ye kin nivver tell fur sure, actually, whether a goalkeeper’s really guid or jist plain guid or mibbe naw sae guid. That’s how ivry fitballer, if he his any choice, prefers tae be up front. The wans that want it even mair badly, totally badly, but ur weans. As a wean, ye make sure you yirsel ur playin in a position that’ll let ye pit as many baws as possible in the net. An’ d’ye know how? Cos weans, wi’oot knowin it, ur the world’s maist stupidest optimists.