“I mean what are we doing . . . as in you and I . . . together?
As in this.” I lifted our joined hands.
“I thought we already talked about this.” He cocked an eyebrow but kept walking. “What? You don’t like holding my hand?”
“No . . . I mean, I do . . . I mean . . . No!” Even if I did like holding his hand, that didn’t change the fact that he was using me.
I shook him off and stopped in the middle of the hall, forcing him to turn around. “Don’t play games. You know exactly what I mean.” My voice bounced, too loud against the blueand-white walls.
He played it cool, casually stripping off his gloves and stuffing them in his pockets. Holding his bare hand palm up, he waited for me to take it. “I’m not playing any games. I’m just walking you to class.”
“Why would you do that?” Fine. If he insisted on denying it, I’d pry the truth out of him. “Who am I? I can’t be your girlfriend. You already have one!”
He glanced around and lowered his voice. “What are you talking about? I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Really? I’m not sure Gena would agree with you.” “Gena’s not my girlfriend!” Curious heads turned our way. “Do you always leave your clothes in not-your-girlfriend’s car?”
Reece dragged me into an empty bank of lockers.
His guilt and shame surged through me the moment we touched. “Can we please talk about this somewhere else?”
He clenched his jaw and spoke through his teeth. “You’re attracting attention.”
“I thought that’s what you wanted. Why else would you tell me what to wear and how to act?” Two girls in hemp skirts shouted something about girl-power. Bodies lined up at each end of the row, blocking our way out, but I didn’t care. I just wanted him to tell me the truth. “When are you going to come clean?”
“Come clean about what?”
I stared hard into his eyes, as if I could hurl the words at him without speaking them. I know who you are. He pulled back an inch, his eyes flashing between mine.
His face blanched and pupils dilated, and I could see the exact moment when the realization slammed into him. She knows who I am.
A wave of panic crashed over his face.
“You’re making a mistake. Don’t do this,” he whispered.
Sweat beaded on his hairline.
I was sick of the lies. I was tired of not knowing what he really wanted from me, or what information he was feeding back to Nicholson. “The only mistake I made was agreeing to tutor you in the first place. But you don’t have to fake it anymore.”
He gripped my shoulders, fingers digging in. “I promise. We’ll talk later. About everything.” The truth was close. I could feel something in him about to break, and I couldn’t take the pressure anymore. I had enough of my own secrets without bearing the burden of his too.
I needed to hear him say it. “I know you’re not who you say you are.”
A crowd collected around us.
He shook his head. “Don’t.”
“I know you’re a . . .”
Reece’s mouth pressed hard against mine. A rush of emotions rolled through me, a barrage of tastes and smells so tangled, I couldn’t make sense of them. My protests muffled
against his tightly closed lips.
He pulled away just enough to whisper, “Please, don’t do this.” His damp forehead rested against mine, eyes searching for understanding. He was terrified. His fear was so thick and
suffocating, it drowned out everything else.
He was afraid of me, because I had the power to expose him, and his future depended on me. It hadn’t even been a real kiss. He’d just been trying to shut me up. I was just a job,
a ticket to redemption he probably didn’t even deserve. What about what I deserved? I brought my foot up hard against his shin. “Just say it! I already know . . .”
Reece stumbled and grunted, pushing me into a wall of lockers and pinning me with his body. His hands tangled in my hair, pulling me into him before I could say another word. He tried to kiss me again and I bit down hard. Felt him flinch.
Felt a shocking hot flare of emotion as his mouth crushed mine. His lips parted and I felt his tongue. I froze, startled by the unexpected taste of something decadent and sweet.
His fingers loosened in my hair and his mouth softened. He cupped the back of my head, and I clutched his jacket and kissed him back. I wasn’t sure if I needed to kiss him or kill
him, or if the need I was feeling was his or my own. Cheers and whistles erupted through the crowd. Reece pulled away, startled and red in the face. I licked my lips, copper and vinegar. His anger and humiliation tasted like a kick in the gut. My chest heaved in the tight space between us, that swollen horrible need threatening to burst. I slapped him hard across the face. People applauded and shouted, and I looked over Reece’s shoulder, spotting Jeremy’s pale face. Anh stood beside him, staring at Reece and me with wide eyes. She reached for Jeremy’s hand, but he turned and ran, shoving his way through the crowd. Every inch of me wanted to run after him.
Or maybe just run. The bodies parted and two security officers came toward me. I froze, but their eyes were locked on something behind me.
I turned. Reece was pale except for the handprint on his cheek and the cut that had opened where I’d bitten him. He swiped the back of his hand across his mouth, wiping the smear of blood on his jeans before the officers could see it. He shut his eyes. He couldn’t even look at me.
“I’m sorry,” he said, barely a whisper, as they took him away.
26
I spent first period under the willow tree outside school, not ready to face Anh and the barrage of questions she was sure to fire at me the minute I walked into lab. Jeremy didn’t come, and while I’d hoped he would, I guess I really couldn’t blame him.
When the second period bell rang, I pulled myself together and crept back in the side entrance I’d used to sneak out, avoiding the cop in the parking lot. I snapped open my locker. Two sheets of paper cascaded out, and a sleeve of Twinkies rested on the top shelf. I couldn’t bring myself to open them, so I reached for the notes instead. The first was in Reece’s scratchy block print.
WE’LL TALK LATER. I PROMISE.
MEET ME TOMORROW AFTER SCHOOL.
I didn’t have time to contemplate the meaning or what he planned to talk to me about, because the second note was more pressing—a pink slip directing me to the principal’s office. There was an X in the box marked Urgent and several exclamation points next to the word Immediately.
I’d known this was coming. Reece had practically body checked me in front of the entire school. And I’d drawn blood. Rumors were bound to get back to administration. I just didn’t expect it to be “immediately.”
I inspected myself in my small locker mirror. Girls walked slowly past my locker, staring as I scraped away a patch of dried blood from my cheek. My lips were still swollen from the kiss, and I bit them, feeling a momentary stab of guilt over Gena. He’d said she wasn’t his girlfriend, but having seen the way she cared about him, I wasn’t so sure she would agree.