‘Sure. We know that. It's nothing you know about. They want me to talk to you, friend to friend, and see what you may know that you don't know about. Something may turn up that you haven't thought of. You were there four years, married, had a kid. You couldn't have missed everything.’
‘How could I? If there were the slightest notion that I was after anything, I'd have been kicked off. Just being from Earth made me completely suspect. If I hadn't married - given that kind of proof that I planned to stay Rotorian - I would have been kicked off anyway. And as it was, they kept me far away from anything critical or sensitive.’
Fisher looked away. ‘And it worked. My wife was just an astronomer. I didn't have my pick, you know. I couldn't put an ad on holovision announcing that I was in the market for a young lady who was a hyperspatialist. If I had met one, I would have done my best to hook on to her even if she looked like a hyena, but I never met one in all my time there. The technology was so sensitive, I think they kept the key people in complete isolation. I think they must all have worn masks in the laboratories and used code names. Four years - and I never got a hint, never found out a thing. And I knew it would mean I was through with the Office.’
He turned to Garand and said with sudden passion, ‘Things got so bad that I turned into some kind of lout. The sense of failure was just overpowering.’
Wyler was sitting across the table from Fisher in the cluttered room, teetering back on the rear legs of his chair, but carefully holding the table lest he teeter too far.
He said, ‘Crile, the Office can't afford to be delicate, but it isn't totally unfeeling. They regret having to approach you like this, but they must. And I regret being given the job, but I must. We are concerned that you've failed and brought us nothing. If Rotor hadn't left, we might have felt there was nothing to bring. But they did leave. They did have hyper-assistance, and yet you've brought us nothing.’
‘I know that.’
‘But that doesn't mean we want to throw you out or - get rid of you. We hope we can still use you. So I have to make sure that your failure was an honest one.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘I have to be able to tell them that you didn't fail because of any personal weakness. After all, you married a Rotorian woman. Was she pretty? Were you fond of her?’
Fisher snarled, ‘What you're really asking is whether, out of love for a Rotorian woman, I deliberately protected Rotor and helped them keep their secret.’
‘Well,’ said Wyler, unmoved. ‘Did you?’
‘How can you ask that? If I had decided to be a Rotorian, I would have left with them. By now I would be lost in space and you might never find me. But I didn't do that. I got off Rotor and returned to Earth, even though I knew my failure would probably destroy my career.’
‘We appreciate your loyalty.’
‘There's more loyalty in this than you think.’
‘We recognize that you probably loved your wife and that, as a matter of duty, you had to leave her. That would count in your favor, if we could be sure-’
‘Not so much my wife. It was my daughter.’
Wyler viewed Fisher thoughtfully. ‘We know you have a one-year-old daughter, Crile. Under the circumstances, perhaps you shouldn't have given that particular hostage to fortune.’
‘I agree. But I can treat myself as though I were a well-oiled robot. Things happen against one's will sometimes. And once the child was born and I had had her for a year-’
‘That is understandable, but it was only a year. Scarcely time, really, to build a relationship-’
Fisher grimaced. ‘You may think it understandable, but you don't understand.’
‘Explain, then. I'll try.’
‘It was my sister, you see. My younger sister.’
Wyler nodded. ‘There's mention of that in your compufile. Rose, I think.’
‘Roseanne. She died in the San Francisco riots eight years ago. She was only seventeen.’
‘I'm sorry.’
‘She wasn't a participant on either side. She was one of those innocent bystanders who is so more apt to get hurt than the ringleaders or the officers. At least we found her body and I had something to cremate.’
Wyler maintained a half-embarrassed silence.
Fisher said finally, ‘She was only seventeen. Our parents died’ - he brushed his hand to one side, as though indicating it was not something he wished to discuss - ‘when she was four and I was fourteen. I worked after school and I saw to it that she was fed, and clothed, and comfortable, even when I was not. I taught myself programming - not that I ever made a decent living out of that either - and then, when she was seventeen, when she had never hurt a soul, when she didn't even know what all the fighting and shouting was about, she was simply trapped-’
Wyler said, ‘I can see why you volunteered for Rotor.’
‘Oh yes. For a couple of years I was just numb. I joined the Office partly to keep my mind occupied and partly because I thought there would be danger in it. I rather looked forward to death for a while - if I could manage to do something useful en route. When the problem of placing an agent on Rotor was discussed, I volunteered for it. I wanted to get off Earth.’
‘And now you're back. Do you regret that?’
‘A little bit, yes, but Rotor choked me. With all its faults, Earth has room. If only you could have seen Roseanne, Garand. You have no idea. She wasn't pretty, but she had such eyes.’ Fisher's own eyes were focused on the past, a slight pucker between his brows as though he were peering hard to clearly focus. ‘Beautiful eyes, but frightening ones. It seemed to me that I could never meet them without feeling nervous. She could look right into you - if you know what I mean.’
‘Actually, I don't,’ said Wyler.
Fisher paid no attention. ‘She always knew when you were lying or hiding the truth. You couldn't be silent without her guessing what the trouble was.’
‘You're not going to tell me she was a telepath.’
‘What? Oh no. She used to say she read expressions and listened to intonations. She said no-one could hide what they were thinking. No matter how you laughed, you could not hide the tragic undercurrent; no smile sufficed to hide bitterness. She tried to explain, but I could never grasp what it was she did. She was something special, Garand. I was in awe of her. And then my child was born. Marlene.’
‘Yes?’
‘She had the same eyes.’
‘The baby had your sister's eyes?’
‘Not immediately, but I watched them develop. When she was six months old, those eyes made me flinch.’
‘Your wife flinched, too?’
‘I never noticed her being affected, but then, she never had a sister Roseanne. Marlene hardly cried at all; she was peaceful. I remember Roseanne was like that as a baby. And Marlene didn't show any signs that she was going to be particularly pretty either. It was as though Roseanne had come back to me. So you see how hard it turned out to be.’
‘Coming back to Earth, you mean.’
‘Doing that and leaving them behind. It was like losing Roseanne a second time. I'll never see her now. Never!’
‘But you came back anyway.’
‘Loyalty! Duty! But if you want the truth, I almost didn't. I was standing there, torn. Torn apart, I was desperately wanting not to leave Roseanne - Marlene. You see, I confuse the names. And Eugenia - my wife - said to me in a heartbroken way, “If you knew where we were going, you wouldn't be so ready to turn back.” And at that moment I didn't want to leave. I asked her to come to Earth with me. She refused. I asked her to let me take Ro - Marlene, at least. She refused. And then, when I might have given in and stayed, she went wild and ordered me out. And I went.’
Wyler stared at Fisher reflectively. ‘ “If you knew where we were going, you wouldn't be so ready to turn back.” Is that what she said?’
‘Yes, that's what she said. And when I said, “Why? Where is Rotor going?”, she said, “To the stars.” ’