‘Well, you certainly can't expect Marlene to live under such conditions.’
‘Billions of children do.’
‘And mine won't be one of them,’ said Insigna fiercely.
All her hopes lay in Marlene now. She was going on ten months of age, had two small teeth in the upper gum, two in the lower, could shamble about holding on to the rods of her playpen, and looked at the world with those wondering intelligent eyes.
Fisher was still clearly fond of his unpretty daughter; more fond than ever, in fact. When he wasn't dandling her, he was staring at her and remarking fondly on her beautiful eyes. He stressed her one lovely feature and it seemed to make up to him for everything else that was lacking.
Surely Fisher would not go back to Earth if it meant leaving Marlene for ever. Insigna, somehow, lacked any confidence that he would choose her, the woman he had loved and married, over Earth, but surely Marlene would be the sticking point.
Surely?
The day after the vote, Eugenia Insigna found Fisher white with rage. He said, or choked out, ‘It was a fixed vote.’
She said, ‘Sh! You'll wake the baby.’
And for a moment, he grimaced and visibly held his breath.
Insigna relaxed just a bit and said in a small voice, ‘There's no question that the people want to go.’
‘Did you vote to go?’
She considered. There was no use trying to placate him by lying. She had made her feelings obvious enough. She said, ‘I did.’
He said, ‘Pitt ordered you to, I suppose.’
That caught her by surprise. ‘No! I'm capable of making my own decisions.’
‘But you and he-’ He let it trail off.
She felt her blood pressure rise suddenly. ‘What do you mean?’ she said, angry now in her turn. Was he going to accuse her of infidelity?
‘That - that politician. He's heading for Commissioner at any price. Everyone knows that. And you're planning to rise with him. Political loyalty will get you someplace, too, won't it?’
‘Where will it get me? There's no place I want to get. I'm an astronomer, not a politician.’
‘You've been promoted, haven't you? You've been pushed over the head of older, more experienced people.’
‘Through hard work, I like to think.’ (How was she going to defend herself now, without being able to tell him the truth?)
‘I'm sure you do like to think that. But it was through Pitt.’
Insigna drew a deep breath. ‘Where is this leading us?’
‘Listen!’ His voice was low, as it had been since she had reminded him that Marlene was sleeping. ‘I cannot believe that a whole Settlement of people are going to risk traveling with hyper-assistance. How do you know what will happen? How do you know it will work? It could kill us all.’
‘The Far Probe worked well.’
‘Were there living things on this Far Probe? If not, how do you know how living things will react to hyper-assistance? What do you know about hyper-assistance?’
‘Not a thing.’
‘Why not? You're working right there in the laboratory. You're not working on the farms, as I am.’
(He is jealous, thought Insigna.) Aloud, she said, ‘When you say the laboratory, you seem to imply we're all piled together in one room. I told you. I'm an astronomer and I know nothing about hyper-assistance.’
‘You mean that Pitt never tells you anything about it?’
‘About hyper-assistance? He doesn't know himself.’
‘Are you telling me no-one knows?’
‘Of course I'm not telling you that. The hyperspatialists know. Come on, Crile. Those who are supposed to know, know. Others don't.’
‘To all except the specialist few, it's a secret, then.’
‘Exactly.’
‘Then you don't really know that hyper-assistance is safe. Only the hyperspatialists know. How do you suppose they know?’
‘I assume they've experimented.’
‘You assume.’
‘It's a reasonable assumption. They assure us it's safe.’
‘And they never lie, I suppose.’
‘They'll be going, too. Besides, I'm sure they experimented.’
He looked at her out of narrowed eyes. ‘Now you're sure. The Far Probe was your baby. Did they have life-forms aboard?’
‘I was not involved with the actual procedures. I only dealt with the astronomical data that was gained.’
‘You're not answering my question about the life-forms.’
Insigna lost her patience. ‘Look, I don't feel like being grilled endlessly, and the baby is beginning to be restless. I have a question or two myself. What do you plan to do? Are you coming along?’
‘I don't have to. The terms of the vote are that anyone who doesn't want to come along doesn't have to.’
‘I know you don't have to, but will you? Surely you don't want to break up the family.’
She tried to smile as she said this, but it didn't feel convincing.
Fisher said, slowly and a little grimly, ‘I also don't want to leave the Solar System.’
‘You would rather leave me? And Marlene?’
‘Why would I have to leave Marlene? Even if you want to risk yourself on this wild scheme, must you risk the child?’
She said tightly, ‘If I go, Marlene goes. Get that through your head, Crile. Where would you take her? To some half-finished asteroidal Settlement?’
‘Of course not. I'm from Earth and I can return there if I wish.’
‘Return to a dying planet? Great.’
‘It's got some years of life left to it, I assure you.’
‘Then why did you leave it?’
‘I thought I'd be improving myself. I didn't know that coming to Rotor would mean a one-way ticket to nowhere.’
‘Not to nowhere,’ Insigna burst out, tormented past endurance. ‘If you knew where we were going, you wouldn't be so ready to turn back.’
‘Why? Where is Rotor going?’
‘To the stars.’
‘To oblivion.’
They stared at each other, and Marlene, opening her eyes, emitted a soft mew of wakefulness. Fisher looked down at the baby and, with a softening of his tone, said, ‘Eugenia, we don't have to split up. I certainly don't want to leave Marlene. Or you either. Come with me.’
‘To Earth?’
‘Yes. Why not? I have friends there. Even now. As my wife and child, you'll have no trouble getting in. Earth doesn't worry much about ecological balance. We'll be on a whole giant planet out there; not on a little stinking bubble in space.’
‘Just on a whole giant bubble, enormously stinking. No, no, never.’
‘Let me take Marlene, then. If you find the voyage worth the risk because you are an astronomer and want to study the Universe, that's your business, but the baby should stay here in the Solar System, and be safe.’
‘Safe on Earth? Don't be ridiculous. Is that what this whole thing has been for? A device to take my baby?’
‘Our baby.’
‘My baby. You leave. I want you to leave, but you can't touch my baby. You tell me I know Pitt, and, yes, I do. That means I can arrange to have you sent to the asteroids whether you want to go or not, and then you can find your own way back to your decomposing Earth. Now get out of my quarters and find your own place to sleep till you are sent away. When you let me know where you'll be, I'll send along your personal possessions. And don't think you can come back. This place will be under guard.’
At the moment that Insigna said this, with the bitterness in her heart overflowing, she meant it. She might have pled with him, cajoled him, begged, argued. But she hadn't. She had turned a harsh, unforgiving eye upon him and had sent him away.
And Fisher did leave. And she did send along his things. And he did refuse to come with Rotor. And he was sent away. And she supposed he had gone to Earth.
He was gone for ever from her and from Marlene.
She had sent him away and he was gone for ever.
5. Gift
Insigna sat there, deeply surprised at herself. She had never told the story to anyone, though she had lived with it almost every day for fourteen years. She had never dreamed of telling it to anyone. She had assumed that she would take it to the grave with her.